


History Of A Relationship

by willowezra



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-22
Updated: 2015-06-22
Packaged: 2018-04-05 16:04:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 57,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4186098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/willowezra/pseuds/willowezra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Every since the beginning of the SGC the two women have been drawn to one another and yet neither can explain why or even realizes they do it but as we take a tour of different memories we learn that though not blood they are very much connected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	History Of A Relationship

**Author's Note:**

> Co-wrote with Melissa Adams

Flashback To Broca Divide

 

SGC Complex: Infirmary

The mission to P3X-797 hadn't gone as well as SG-1 or the SGC had intended. First off people calling themselves 'The Touched' had attacked them. It had taken the afflicted to begin covering their own world before Doctor Fraiser had determined it was virus, a pretty nasty one. The thing turned humans into something like pre-historic people and they attacked, acted out and generally maimed or hurt whoever and whatever got in their way. There wasn't more than a handful who weren't affected and those were only unaffected because their blood contained no histamine. It had been a rough time for everyone at the SGC before the doctor managed to find out what was going on and cured everyone but of course by that time everyone had always made complete fools of themselves. 

Sam still recalled lying there embarrassed not only at what she had done to Colonel O'Neil but apparently at some point she had attempted to attack Doctor Fraiser as well. She and the Colonel already had their 'words' as it were but she had been too embarrassed to approach Fraiser which was why it was doubly hard lying on the gurney with her shirt pulled up over her stomach as the doctor examined the healing wound from where one of her roommates had gotten loose and stabbed her. She knew that she needed to talk to the woman but of course that wasn't going to be easy. 

Every so often as Dr. Frasier redressed Sam's bandages, Janet would gaze up at Sam as if trying to figure something out. But it was Sam that would always shy away from the look not wanting to speak yet. 

Finally done it was Janet that spoke, "OK, we are done here Captain. Just take it easy, no heavy lifting. I think in a few days it will be safe to remove that bandages and the sutures baring that no further injury occurs." Janet pulled the shirt down and began to write notes in Sam's medical file. 

Sam sat up with only a minor wince and smiled, she got the feeling when around the doctor but suspected it was just the feelings of a budding friendship, "Thank you. I can't wait to actually be able to take a full bath, sponge baths just aren't cutting it Doctor Fraiser," she said rising and reached for her duty jacket lying on the foot of the bed. 

Carter felt so guilty for what had happened but how could she ever ask the woman to forgive her when she couldn't forgive herself for it. She had attacked her; by all rights she should be in the brig. 

"Well at least your still getting clean. I'll prescribe you this to take when it hurts. Its just a light painkiller nothing overly strong so don't worry it won't effect your job performance," Janet said taking and handing a slip of paper to Sam. "If you have any problems with it however I want you to return to the infirmary immediately so I can look at it. And I do mean immediately Captain not an hour or two from when the problem started." 

Janet just stood there with a look that would take no arguing from the Captain. She was going to stand firm on the good care she planned to give all her patients. 

Taking the paper the woman attempted to read it and finally shook her blond head and stuffed it in her pocket, "I only did it that once Doctor, besides if I have work to do you can't expect me to just stop for a little ache now can you" she asked innocently and began to zip up her jacket and didn't add the thought she had about ~I'm surprised you even care about my pain after the way I acted towards you. ~ 

Giving her patient her patented 'I don't want to hear it look,' "Well that's one time too many Captain. And yes I do expect you to stop whatever you are working on to come in here. You health is what is important to me, not whatever project you are working on. Do I make myself clear or do I need to put you on a few days leave?" Janet asked a little playfully. 

Equally playfully the woman smiled, "Understood Doctor but you'll find I rarely get hurt" she admitted slowly. "I appreciate you seeing to me personally after what happened and I want you to know that I won't take it personally if you decide you want to press charges on what happened before." 

Finally understanding where the Captains discomfort came from Janet decided that it was going to be up to her to smooth out this wrinkle if she wanted to develop a friendship this woman. "Captain can I speak to you privately for a moment?" 

~Uh oh~ Carter thought but nodded, "Of course Doctor. Here or somewhere else" she asked putting her hands into her coat pockets. 

"Why don't we go into my office? Its more private there," Janet said as she gestured towards her office and lead the way. Janet thought for a moment she saw panic flash through the blue eyes of her patient. 

Once to the door she opened it and stepped aside to allow the Captain to enter, "Please, have a seat." 

Fraiser's Office

~What a time to be in a room with the woman you viciously attacked and no way to get out~ Sam Carter thought as she nodded and took a seat, "Thank you Doctor" she said. 

For a moment she simply stared; almost as if in another world but then quickly diverted her eyes from the woman and offered a weak smile, "Sorry my mind was wandering for a moment." 

With the Captain seated Janet closed her office door and took the seat opposite that of which Sam was in with only her desk separating the space between them. 

"Its quite all right. It's been a lot to take in and I can understand if you were thinking about the past events. I just want you to know that I am not going to press charges. I feel that I should tell you this so our professional manor towards each other does not suffer. You had a disease, you were not in control of your actions during this time and I understand that. I don't blame you for anything," Janet said watching intently how Sam reacted towards her words. 

Carter blew air out quickly; she hadn't even been aware she was holding her breath and nodded leaning back, relaxed slightly. She didn't know Janet Fraiser that well but had to admit she was grateful she wasn't one of those officers who were more worried about stepping on people than understanding. "Doctor Fraiser you have no idea how much I appreciate that but personally I can't help but blame myself for what happened. I attacked you sick or not that's what I did. By your own report" she said pausing to stare intently at the woman; the first real time she had made eye contact since it happened. "I could have killed you." 

"To be honest, yes you could have but I don't think you would. You don't strike me as the kind of person that would seriously harm another human without just cause. Granted I could be wrong but I don't think I am," Janet said with a slight shake of her head. "I don't know how else to convince you that I don't blame you and therefore you shouldn't blame yourself." 

"I do hope, however, that we can put this incident behind us, and that's all it was is just an incident. To be serious I would like us to become friends and if that means starting fresh I'm game if you are?" Janet asked moving to lean on the side of her desk a little closer to where Sam was seated. 

Studying the woman a moment Sam felt her very being drawn into the doe like eyes and smiled, "I'll try to make the guilt a little less Doctor Fraiser. As for starting fresh it's a deal," she said with a nod. "How about I take you out to dinner tomorrow night to celebrate? Since you still have me off duty I'm sure I'll have finished a ton of projects around the house by then and will be sufficiently bored stiff for something else to do and company and dinner with a friend sounds like just the thing. What do you say?" 

"OK that sounds like a plan under two conditions," Janet said seriously. "You have to leave the formal title at work. Please, its Janet and the second its just going to be something simple. No place fancy to try to hide the guilt." 

She paused for a moment then added, "Just let me know what time and where I need to meet you." She smiles as she realized things were looking brighter. 

"Deal" the other woman stated and rose with a smile, the first one she had since this nightmare began. "I'll email and let you know; I have some lab work to finish so I won't be home until later. As for the name that's a deal too but only if you call me Sam," she said holding out her hand gently to the doctor. "Nice to meet you Janet." 

"Nice to meet you too Sam," Janet said as she shook the offered hand. "I look forward to the email and the planned dinner. I'll let you go back to your projects, so long as you remember to take it easy," Janet said with a bight smile lighting her features. 

"Promise" she answered with a nod releasing her hand. "I'm the poster girl for take it easy; just look at my file" she joked and turned toward the door. 

Laughing Janet responded, "Ha. I doubt that. I have heard how much of a workaholic you are." Janet just shook her head not believing that Sam had tried to pull the innocent routing on her. 

"Oh now I'm hurt" Carter joked and put a hand over her heart, "My doctor and friend tends to believe cold hard facts over me, how will I ever recover" she said trying hard not to bust out laughing as she put a hand on the doorknob. 

Janet couldn't help herself and started laughing at her friend's antics. She stopped and thought about what Sam had just referred to her as and she found she liked the thought of them being friends, especially since they are the two highest ranked female officers at the SGC. 

"Yea, yea, you know us doctors like the cold hard facts now out with you and back to your lab and little projects or neither one of us will get any work done," Janet said with a smile. 

"Yes ma'am" Carter said and snapped off a salute before she left to both of them smiling but for the first time as she moved through the SGC and this nightmare had happened she felt that perhaps maybe things would be all right? 

 

Flashback To Fire And Water 

 

Infirmary

Captain Samantha Carter laid down on the medical gurney waiting on Janet to come and give her the news of whether she can go home or not. It had been a long week for all of SG-1 and why she didn't want to admit it they all weren't quite right yet; after all it wasn't everyday you loose a team member and a friend in front of yours in the grizzly way they thought that they had lost Daniel. On top of that the flashbacks began and soon everyone at the SGC thought they were crazy until of course Doctor Mackenzie hypnotized Sam and the next thing she knew it was confirmed that Jackson was alive. 

The team had returned to the planet to rescue him only to find that he was alive and well and no worse for wear according to Doctor Fraiser. She had released him a little while ago with orders to go home and rest for a few days and now she was processing through the rest of SG-1 and knowing how Teal'c and the Colonel would want to get out and help Jackson celebrate she had volunteered to wait and go last, truthfully she was exhausted and didn't mind anyway. Being a scientist Sam wanted to understand everything and how it worked and yet she couldn't understand how she could have let the man's 'perceived' death affect her so much that the CMO had said they were suffering from PTS. Hearing the curtain slide aside and then back she opened her eyes and sat up finding herself staring into the doe like eyes of her friend and the woman who was quickly becoming a best friend if the last few weeks were any indication, "Hey" she said yawning. "Sorry, I kind of crashed out on your gurney here I guess." 

"Hey yourself. Don't mind that, you crash it's been a long day," Janet said with a slight smile, "How are you feeling?" She moved closer to the bed grabbing Sam's medical chart along the way. 

"Tired or was the sleeping on your gurney too hard a clue for you Janet" Sam joked. "A little sore but otherwise fine, can I go home?" 

"You know I should just keep you here regardless of how you check out just for what you said," Janet tried to say seriously but failed with the smile that curled up the edges of her lips. 

"And in case you think I am that dense, I was referring to if you felt any pain not if you were tired. I do pay some attention to my patients appearance." Now Janet was standing beside Sam as she sat on the bed. "Can I get you to breath in and hold...breath out...breath in and hold... breath out. OK. Are you sure you are just a little sore?" Janet questioned. 

"What's the answer that is going to make you say yes you can go home Sam" she asked seriously. Truthfully right now she wouldn't care where she slept, the entire team hadn't been sleeping well every since they had watched Daniel die and with the flashbacks; well it hadn't been a good week. 

It was one of the few times that Sam had been grateful her best friend wasn't a field officer; she wouldn't wish what they had go through this last week on anyone though she knew it had hit Janet as hard; just in a different way; the idea of loosing Daniel but despite it all the woman had been there. Supporting them in whatever they needed like she always was. It was the main thing that made her care for her. 

"Only the truth Sam. You know that," Janet said seriously. "I don't want you to lie to me just to get out of my infirmary. And besides it's not that bad. Geeze why is everyone in such a hurry to leave?" Janet asked playfully trying to lighten Sam's mood. 

"Please Sam, just tell me the truth about how you're feeling." 

Sensing her friends concern the woman finally nodded, "It isn't your company Janet, I promise. And the serious answer to your question" she said sighing, "Is exhausted, past it actually. Not to mention I'm hungry but my mouth is too tired to chew. I'm sore and my chest hurts a little but that's likely like the first time; you had said in your report the volcanic ash we were exposed to affect our lungs. Did the others go home yet? I know Daniel did" she said turning to yawn and shook her head. "Sorry Janet." 

"Thank you for being honest with me," Janet said her concern clearly visible for anyone to see. 

"Yes everyone went home. The Colonel and Teal'c took it upon themselves to care for Daniel during your week of down time," Janet paused to catch a breath and allow Sam to let our yet another yawn before she continued, "Tell you what, everything seems to check out ok. Just a little respiratory problem, but that is most likely caused by the ash inhalation. I don't want you driving home though, you are way too tired for that and I don't want to risk you falling asleep at the wheel. Now before you start to argue with me you have two options available." 

Janet stopped once again till Sam's full attention was focused on her. "As I see it you can either sleep here in your quarters, which we both know won't give you a good nights sleep, which is what you really need. So as I see it that pretty much leaves only option number two which is to stay at my house." 

That woke Sam Carter up and she sat a little straighter, "Oh I can't ask you do that Janet; I'll be fine on base. I can just crash out on this gurney here and...." 

"Sam please, I wouldn't ask if I didn't want you there. I would really like the company and besides I think you need to be with a friend right now. You took loosing Daniel pretty hard as we all did. Please let me help," Janet asked turning her concerned doe eyes to Sam once more. 

Even tired Carter could not deny the concern in her friends; fast becoming her best friends eyes and finally nodded, "All right" she said lying back and closed her eyes. "You're going to think this is silly Janet but I'm not even sure I could walk to the elevator right now; I'm that tired." 

With a slight smile Janet nodded, "Glad you see things my way and seeing I know that you won't want to take a wheel chair I'll help you walk. Just lean on me as much as you need. For now just lay back and relax, I'm going to head to my office and get my things as I drop off your file. Be right back." Janet turned and began to pull back the curtain happy that Sam was letting her help her. 

"Go for the wheelchair" she called rolling over after grabbing one of the pillows and putting it under head. 

At that same instant a Lieutenant came in and saw Carter approaching her, "Ma'am, we have a problem with the dialing program and since you're still on base can you..." 

Opening her eyes Sam was already starting to sit up; she wasn't about to put the good of the base in jeopardy because of a little exhaustion when she heard the voice and both turned to Fraiser. 

"No! No you don't Sam. You lie right back down; you are way too exhausted to go figuring out what the problem with the gate is. There are other techs, one of them should be capable of figuring out this problem it might take them a little longer but still they can do it. Now get out of my infirmary before I decide to stick you with a needle for the fun of it," Janet said shooing her unwanted guest out of her infirmary. She turned back to Sam; "I'll be right back, ready to leave with a chair." With that Janet left for her office. 

Thought clearly wanting to help Sam laid back and had to smile, Janet was becoming very important to her; one of only a handful of women in her life she had as friends and her protectiveness just now had reminded her why. Closing her eyes she yawned, ~I have to erect a statue to that woman; but after I sleep so I can get the dimensions right. ~ 

 

Flashback To Hathor 

 

Carter On Base Quarters

It was finally over and thankfully Colonel O'Neil, General Hammond and the rest of the males on the base appeared fine at the last report she had gotten from the medical staff. Captain Samantha Carter was furious with herself honestly, she couldn't believe that she had been caught off guard by a Goa'uld and when she could have informed an outside agency that they were compromised and saved all this trouble until Hathor had been detained and the men were free of her control but instead what she had done was decide to get together all the woman on the base with Teal'c and become a merry little band of outlaws and what happened was that several pieces of vital equipment were damaged, several minor injuries, Colonel O'Neil had died and been brought back by Goa'uld technology and why she and Doctor Fraiser were getting official commendations in a few weeks she couldn't help but feel she had failed in some way. 

A knock at her door interrupted her and she walked over tiredly and opened it to see a smiling Janet Fraiser standing there with a dish full of blue jello, "Uh how many Airman did you have to fight to get that Janet?" 

"I didn't have to fight any, after all I played the sympathy card," Janet said as she pointed to her arm in a sling. "Actually as I was in the commissary, it seemed that any of the male officers were willing to do what ever I wanted. Even offered to help out while my arm was immobile." 

Janet handed the dish of jello to her friend then offered a spoon and continued to stand in the door way not sure if she was going to be invited in or turned away. 

"It isn't everyday that they see their doctor being Janet bad ass with an M16. You were very good by the way," she said opening the door the rest of the way with a smile. "Come on in. How is your shoulder?" she asked in friendly concern. "And shouldn't you already be home?" 

It amazed Sam Carter how just being near Janet picked up her mood; the woman had something about her. Others had talked about it but she had felt it the first time they were together; the first talk they had one on one and she never regretted once letting the woman convince her not to cut off their friendship because of what happened with that Touched virus. 

"Well besides being a Doctor I went through the same basic training as you and everyone else on an SG team. I just choose to heal people first and foremost," Janet said stepping in the rest of the way so Sam could close the door and return to her seat to eat. 

"Besides I need to show people that I can play with the boys just was well as any other officer." There was a slight wink before she continued. "I won't lie the shoulder hurts like hell. This is the first time I have actually been shot in a while. I usually treat them not receive them. And you're right I should probably be home but seeing as I can't drive I am just going to crash in one of the quarters here on base." 

"Oh now that isn't going to work" Carter said taking a bite of the jello and smiled sitting on her bed and motioned Janet to sit beside her. "Seeing as how you do it for me often enough I'll return the favor Janet. You can come home with me; we're both on two days downtime with you only getting limited duty for a change" she said proudly holding out a bite to Fraiser, "Come on; it's good. Trust Me," she said winking. 

"As for you usually treating them just remember how it feels the next time Colonel O'Neil comes in complaining about how bad his hangnails hurt; you've got something to compare it to "she stated proudly. "And finally as for being a doctor first trust me I and everyone else here are grateful for that; half of us wouldn't let anyone but you near us and you know it Doctor." 

"Its ok Sam, I don't mind staying here. Besides you're on down time and don't need to be taking care of anyone. Down time is time to relax not change the work you normally do to something else," Janet said taking a bite of the offered jello. 

"No, still don't care much for jello and as for the Colonel. We all know he over exaggerates everything. Hell when he has a hangnail he swears he is dieing," Janet said with a slight laugh then winced as the movement jarred her shoulder a little. 

Not wanting to watch her friend in pain Sam quietly finished off the jello in a hurry and then stood up grabbing her coat and then the spare one; draping it over Janet's shoulder, "You're coming home with me; we'll get you in a warm bath and then to bed. If you're nice I may even let you have one of my world famous massages that I learned while in the gulf" she said grabbing her keys and slid them into her pocket. "You want to walk or have me carry you?" 

Samantha Carter had to smile; the work Janet alluded to was actually a privilege, she couldn't count the number of times the doctor had done the same for her and she was going to return the favor if it killed her. 

"Sam, please you are not carrying me anywhere because I am just going to stay here. You don't need to take care of me really!" Janet said trying to stress that she was not incapable of helping herself. 

"I do love a challenge Janet" Carter said and then scooped up the woman quickly before she could object. "Hey stop kicking me, anything you bruise you have to fix Doctor and keep in mind," she said good-naturedly. "You aren't up to a fixing mood." 

Then she grew serious and settled her blue eyes on Janet's brown ones, "Janet seriously, you're my best friend and you're hurt. You'd be doing the same for me and we both know it. Please let me try to help all right? Just one night; I'll bring you in tomorrow and we can get your car driven home if you can't handle it but you are sore; you're tired and truthfully I need the company of a good friend and that is you. The guys wouldn't understand what happened so help me by letting me help you, ok?" 

Janet trying to make sure she didn't fall not that Sam would have let her, she put her arm around Sam's neck and unconsciously began to play with the little hairs that grew there. "OK fine Sam, I will at least give you one night but not because I need it. But because you said you needed the company. I just have one request?" 

There was a long pause before Janet finally added, " Can you please put me down? I am more than capable of walking and since I said I would go with you there is no need to be carried. Besides just think of what the rumor would be floating around the base if someone were to see this?" Janet finished with a smirk and thinking to herself, yeah just what would they say. 

Smiling Carter sat her down carefully and lingered a moment close to Janet before she straightened up, "Ok, but rumors be damned. I'd carry my best friend anywhere Janet and that just happens to be you," she said touching the back of her neck where the woman had been before. "So you ready to go now that you have stuffed me with my favorite dessert?" 

 

Flashback To Singularity 

 

Fraiser Residence

It had been a little over a week since Sam had found the girl, Cassandra on the planet PX8-987. It had been a hell of a week to, not only did she find herself drawing close to the girl but she had been all supportive when Janet had announced she wanted to take her until suitable parents were found but the Captain had the distinct impression it would be forever. She had watched Fraiser with Cassandra during the crisis where the girl got sick so that the Goa'uld Nirti could try to destroy the Earth's Stargate and had seen how heartbroken she had been when she admitted that she couldn't save her. Janet had a big heart and she considered her a friend but as she watched her now in the house covering up Cassandra on the sofa and kissing her head she smiled and picked up both their beers to follow her out onto the porch, "Here you go Janet" she said handing one to her and took a nearby seat looking up at the night sky. "You're really great with her." 

Turning to look at her friend, "That may be but I'm not the one she wants. She would much prefer you Sam. You're her Hero and already have a place within her heart." 

Janet let out a sign and took another gulp of beer before continuing, "I know she doesn't want to be here, its obvious and she really doesn't like me. She thinks I am taking her away from you; all she holds for me is resentment in her heart. Resentment that she should not have at this age." Janet let out another sign and gazed up at the stars in the sky above trying to find answers to the questions she now possessed. 

Taking a drink of her own beer the blond haired woman sat it down at her feet and looked up at the sky with Janet a moment; "It's going to take time Janet; a lot of it. I found her in a tragic situation; of course she sees me as her savior but she doesn't need a savior for the rest of her life. Maybe for a few weeks until she knows she can depend on you as much as me." 

Pausing Sam scooted over and gently put her arm over her best friend's shoulders, "It's ok to be scared Janet, not sure but I know you and Cassandra belong together; I have known it from the first moment when I found her. She needs you and you need her; you just both need the time to realize that" she said squeezing her tightly. "I'll be here as much as I can but you're her mother now Janet, that's a fact and she couldn't ask for better." 

"I'm not as sure as you seem to be. I can't help but thinking what I am doing is completely selfish and that I should be thinking more of what's best for Cassandra and not for me." Janet let her head drop down to rest on her forearms. 

"Sam I just can't keep from thinking that Cassandra would be better off with foster parents. That I am not good enough for her, after all my work may be based here but it still takes me away just like yours does. I'm just away holed up in the base," Janet sighed once more. 

"Besides I don't think she will ever have a place for me in her heart, she is too angry at me." 

"No she isn't" Sam said softly, "She's angry at what happened Janet, not at you." 

At that moment Cassandra screamed out in a nightmare and both women rose but finally Carter shook her head, "She needs her mother Janet, that isn't me. Go on; I'll be here when you're done. Just tell her I left or something but give her the chance to love you. You might be surprised," she said softly. 

Nodding her head Janet quickly moved to be by Cassandra's side. She knelt next to the couch and reached out to the child. "Cassandra, its ok, you're safe here. I won't let anything happen to you, I promise. Can you tell me what your afraid off?" 

Cassandra shook her head and in a broken voice she replied, "No, I want Sam!" 

"I'm sorry sweetie she left. She had to go back to the base but she knew you were going to be safe here. That's the only reason she left ok?" Janet tried to calm the young child. She began to stroke her hair and whisper soothingly too her trying to get her to go back to sleep. "Can you tell me about it now?" Janet tried again. 

Cassandra was still unsure of Janet and if she could trust her, "No, I will only tell Sam." 

"Ok then, I'll stay here till you fall back asleep. Is that ok? Do you think you can do that?" Janet shifted gears hoping this might work. 

Cassandra just nodded and closed her eyes, soon she was asleep again and Janet left her side. 

Not wanting to face Sam yet Janet quietly walked into her kitchen and stood in front of the sink with the water running, letting her tears fall. Cassandra had said so herself. She wanted Sam; Janet knew she would never be good enough for this precious child. 

When her best friend didn't come back Sam went into the house and saw Cassie asleep and smiled. Figuring her friend had to be in the kitchen she entered and found her with her back to her, "I assume she's back to sleep and you didn't need me to do it" she said offering the woman a nearby paper towel, she knew what she was doing. 

"She's lost everyone she knows Janet, she's on alien world that she doesn't understand with people telling her it will be ok when it won't be for a long time. You have to give her some time but she does love you and I talked to her" she said defiantly, "So I know she does. She knows you care; it's just going to take a little while for that care to blossom into love; for both of you." 

Janet took the offered paper towel and just nodded unable to find her voice. She still kept her back to Sam not wanting her to see that she was crying for some reason. Maybe Sam would think less of her if she knew for a fact that she was crying Janet just wasn't sure at the moment everything was emotionally out of whack. 

Finally Janet calmed herself enough to speak and keeping her voice low to keep it from cracking, "She asked for you Sam. I had to lie to her and that makes me feel like crap" 

Janet had yet to face Sam but she did continue to speak, "She won't even talk to me, she won't tell me what her nightmare was about even though I know. Its good for her to talk about what happened on her home world. She doesn't want me; she will only talk with you. Tomorrow you need to get her to open up and help her confront these fears, demons whatever," Janet said as she stared out the kitchen window. 

"Not me Janet" she said softly too. "You. You know what is likely going through her mind; you know how to help her. I don't." Sighing and trying to think up her next argument Captain Samantha Carter seriously debating about a baseball bat to pound the idea home for her friend but glancing at her watch she simply waited. 

Cassandra sat bolt upright terrified, in tears, "JANET" she hollered loudly. 

With a smile Carter nodded, "Your daughter wants you Janet, go be with her. I'll check in on you guys tomorrow and I'll lock up on my way out" she said patting her shoulder as she walked past her toward the garage door. "Oh and she said earlier that she liked it when you sang to her in the Infirmary; you know after everything. Good night Janet" she said softly, her own tears at the girl's pain evident but she wasn't her daughter. 

Janet just stood there stunned by her friend's words and the raw emotions plainly displayed in her eyes. She instinctively wanted to give her a hug until she heard the soft sobbing coming from the living room where her young charge, nor her daughter lie. 

Without a second thought Janet bolted into the living room and once again knelt next to the couch taking the child in her arms. She whispered soothingly and kept running her fingers through Cassandra's long hair. "Do you want to stay with me tonight? In my room," Janet asked without even thinking. 

To her surprise she got a nod from Cassandra and so she helped her off the couch and grabbed the pillow leading her up the stairs to her bedroom. She tucked Cassandra in and told her she would be right back she was just going into the bathroom to change and pointed to the room. 

Once changed she too crawled into the king size bed and took Cassandra into her arms singing softly to her just as she did in the infirmary until they were both asleep. 

 

Flashback To Tin Man 

 

Infirmary

Sitting in the Infirmary kicking her feet on the gurney while waiting Captain Samantha Carter tried to wrap her mind around what had happened. It had started out as an easy enough mission; they went, came home, found out they were androids with their former bodies consciousness, were jailed when the General thought they were a threat, had to go back to the planet or die, ended up having to say the planet, and were reunited with their original selves that then came home. ~Oh yeah it's been a weird day~ she thought. 

Despite the emotional turmoil Carter was surprised when Janet had seemed a little less friendly with them upon their return. Oh she had finally found out that it had been the doctor who issued the security alert and if she was like Sam the chance was she was busy trying to understand how what had happened had actually happened. All rules of science and medicine said it wasn't possible but obviously that wasn't true any longer. 

Janet still wasn't sure if SG1, her friends where who they were suppose to be, if they were the originals. The tests however proved that they were, still she was very weary when around then. She went through the motions of giving them their exams and now she only had one left Sam. 

It was Sam that always was the hardest, whether it was when she needed medical attention or whether it was an exam after something went horribly wrong. It didn't seem to matter to Janet, after all Sam was her best friend and she cared deeply for her. 

Now finished with Sam's exam she was ready to release her. "Ok Captain Carter, you past all the tests, your in good health and most importantly you are you. There is no reason for you to stay here any longer. I'll leave you to change," Janet finished hurriedly then left the examining room so that Sam could change and returned to her office. 

She sat behind her desk in her chair with her head resting on her folded hands, the door closed so as not to be disturbed. 

It wasn't often that Sam Carter questioned her friend's medical judgment and she wasn't really questioning it right now; she just seemed to be shocked that the woman hadn't asked at least if she was all right. Then it hit her; she still didn't believe they were them. ~Oh God, how could we all have been so stupid~ she thought and quickly grabbed a nurse, "Get me a robe to go over this gown or whatever." 

"Yes ma'am" he said and went to the supply room coming back with one. 

Pulling it on without hesitation Sam Carter tied it and moved across the Infirmary, her bare feet freezing on the concrete floor but she didn't give a damn. Coming up to Janet's closed door she knocked gently, "Janet...Janet it's Sam. Can I come in? Please; it's important I have to talk to you." 

Fraiser's Office

Knowing she wouldn't be able to escape this she decided it was better to get it over with sooner rather than later at least this way maybe she could end it quickly. "Enter," she said looking up. 

Without waiting for anything more Sam came in and closed the door, "Janet are you all right" she asked taking in the woman's face. "My God you've been crying" she said and took a step closer and then stopped, that was part of the problem. 

"Janet I can't know what you're going through but it's really me, Sam Carter who is your friend and I only want to help," she said emphatically. "If you want me to leave all you have to do is ask me to; I promise you it's ok or I can stay or whatever you want. I just want...I NEED," she stressed, "To know you're all right." 

As Sam approached her she just stayed still, afraid to move. Why she wasn't sure, after all she has never been afraid of her friend. 

With her throat constricted from all the crying, all Janet could do was nod and continue to let the tears fall even though she wiped at them frantically. 

Taking that to mean it was all right Carter slowly approached her friend, her own tears now falling and dropped down quickly beside her best friend. As she took in Janet's frame and gently eased the chair around to face her, her heart broke but she felt at that moment perhaps it was more likely this woman was family, her family. Only that could explain what she felt when she thought her friend was upset or hurting. 

Gently Sam raised her arms and wrapped them around her friend pulling her toward her and rubbed her back, "Shhh...." she said through her own tears, "It's ...all right Janet...I'm here. I'm safe and it's really me," she whispered softly to the woman but let her own tears fall softly on the woman she held. 

Janet silently allowed Sam to turn her chair and she welcomed the embrace after a moment or two. At first it was instinctual and she had stiffened in the embrace but then she began to relax and welcomed it, even returned it for now she felt safe. 

Janet took a few more minutes to try to get control of her emotions once she got herself to s somewhat calm state she began to speak. "I'm sorry Sam, I didn't mean for you to see me like this. It just sort of happened..." Janet said before letting her words die off 

Still rubbing the woman's back she pulled back slightly to give her a goofy smile, "I'll break down on your tomorrow so we're even" she said and used her thumb to gently wipe away the woman's tears. "It's ok Janet, you don't owe me any explanations" she promised gently and then leaned over and kissed her cheek gently. "You're family Janet" she said holding her again now, as much for her as the woman. "It's what we do for one another." 

Present Time

SGC Complex: Medical Lab Three

For over half an hour Janet had watched her best friend staring off into space and wondered what in the world she was thinking about that was holding her attention so completely. They were waiting on some tests to finish running in the lab otherwise they would have been busy but Fraiser had been content to watch her best friend so lost in thought. Her forehead made the cutest movements when she was thinking. 

Standing up she walked over and gently started to massage the other woman's shoulders gently, "Sam you ok" she asked gently. "You were a million miles away." 

Sam smiled and leaned back into Janet's touch lightly, "Mmm...I think I developed a knot there. Just lost in thought; thinking you know how I am Janet." 

"Yes, I know how you are too well. Care to share any of your thought?" Janet asked hopefully. 

"Oh maybe one or two, if you keep massaging that is my dear" she said with a smile and a laugh settling back. "You see I was thinking about..." 

 

Flashback To In the Line Of Duty 

 

Infirmary

Captain Samantha Carter lay on her side, turned away from everyone and everything after Cassandra had left. She hadn't said anything to the girl but she had met her eyes, they offered some comfort but no one could understand what it was like to have Jolinar not only take over her body and hide out from the Ashrak in her but then to have the assassin find and kill her for something she hadn't done and didn't understand wasn't fair. 

Jolinar had given her life to save Sam's life, that type of relationship was something most humans looked for all their life and she had found it without even looking. A member of an alien race that why different were very much like the Goa'uld; at least in appearance though their morals made all the difference in the world. The nightmares and images had plagued her; feelings and reactions she couldn't even understand yet gripped her both awake and asleep. How could she ever get over that? Learn to live with it? 

After Cassandra had finished visiting Sam, Daniel with Jack and Teal'c had offered to take the child and spend some quality Uncle time with her. While this worried her it was Teal'c that calmed her nerves by saying he would make sure nothing happened and Janet was grateful for this. Grateful to all the guys really for it gave her time alone with Sam, and maybe just maybe she could get through too her. 

After giving her daughter a hug and kiss Janet walked back into her infirmary and just watched Sam for an unknown amount of time. After her tears started to dwindle she made her way to Sam's bed. She sat on the edge right behind Sam's back and began to rub it. "Sam, honey please talk to me. I want to help you, I'm your friend, your best friend," she said softly. Then leaning closer she whispered in her ear, "We're family so please let me help," Janet managed to get out before the tears started to fall again. It was tearing her up inside to know that her friend was hurting and there was nothing she could do unless Sam allowed her to help. 

The words bore into Carter's soul and for a moment she thought she was imaging them but then she knew she wasn't. Her mind was trying to make sense of Jolinar but the instinct to protect was overwhelming and slowly, almost as if in a daze she turned over, didn't say anything and put one hand gently on Janet's hand, squeezing it. Her own tears were evident in her eyes but for many reasons but through it all she had to make sure her family; her best friend was safe. 

When Sam rolled over and squeezed her hand Janet's tears began to fall a little harder. But they weren't tears of sadness, rather tears of happiness for Sam was starting to respond to outside stimulation. Noticing the tears in Sam's own eyes Janet gathered her friend and held her tight, all the while whispering words of endearment, "Shhh....Sam, its ok. You're going to be ok. You're safe here, you're in my infirmary and I won't let anything happen to you. I promise, I will keep you safe no matter what. 

At first the woman did nothing, she just rested her head on Janet's shoulders until she heard the words in her mind; almost like her soul now had a voice and gently she raised one hand, the one with the IV and put it on Janet's back, lightly holding her, "I know" she whispered and cried, cried as hard as she had ever cried in her life. 

 

Flashback To Gamekeeper 

 

Infirmary

Sam Carter knew after she and the rest of SG-1, who had gone before her and left her for last in the Infirmary that it meant she was going to be poked, prodded, scanned, and talked to by the woman who was her best friend. It wasn't that she wanted to tell Janet how to do her job, hell she couldn't have even if she wanted to but after the virtual reality trip, watching Daniel's parents die over and over again and then getting home to find out they weren't really home she wasn't at all anxious to undergo anything, she just wanted a shower and to get back to work. 

Seeing her friend come in through the curtain then she smiled, though it wasn't a very welcoming one because she knew why she was there. Sitting in the open backed hospital gown for examination reminded them both clearly, "Janet this is all unnecessary; I told you I'm fine." 

"Sam, Let me be the one to judge if your fine or not," Janet said. "Can you tell me anything that you guys experienced that was physically stressful? Do you feel pain anywhere?" 

Not waiting for her answers she continued onto the next step knowing they would come. She had Sam breath in and hold it, then release the breath. Janet was completely aware that Sam was uncomfortable and was afraid she had done something wrong to upset her friend. "Sam you seem very uncomfortable, would you prefer to have Doctor Warner finish this examination. I won't be offended if you do?" She asked. 

"No" she answered quickly and shook her head. "Honestly Janet I just want a shower, a hot meal and sleep. No I don't hurt anywhere unless you count egos and pride that we were home; or thought we were once only to have the Gamekeeper pretending to be Hammond and ordered us back" she said sighing and rubbed her forehead. 

"I've got a headache that would anchor the Stargate and add to that I spent the last, oh I don't even know how long watching Daniel relieve over and over again the death of his parents in nice three dimensional detail, with color and smells. All of it" she said frustrated. 

"Give me a minute," Janet said stepping out side of the curtain for a moment then returning with a glass of water and two pills. "Its only aspirin, for the throbbing, after all the Stargate is already anchored and doesn't need anymore. It's not going anywhere," Janet said trying to lighten the situation. She handed the glass and pills to Sam while taking a seat on the bed next to her. 

"I know you care about your teammates, after all they're like family, but Sam you have to let this go. Yes, I know it's tearing you up inside, as it is Daniel but frankly those where his parents and nothing could be done to stop that situation from playing out that it really did. I know I am sounding heartless and like a cold bitch right now but it's the truth. This is not your problem, its one Daniel will have to deal with and he is. I have him getting help with the best. OK?" Janet asked. 

"I know you're right Janet" the woman said and downed the pills and half the glass of water before sitting it on her other side. "But all of us depend on each other so much and to see Daniel; over and over again in pain" she shook her head lowering it. "He was just a kid when it happened Janet; a kid who shouldn't have had to watch his parents die and think it's his fault and I couldn't do anything but stand there and watch it; try to convince him it wasn't real" she said with a choked sob but then straightened up. 

"A shame those weren't sedatives, I really wouldn't have cared right at the moment" she answered calmly and sighed. 

"Sam, please don't ever think like that. I don't want you to ever stop caring about yourself or those around you. Its one of your best qualities and I'd hate to see you loose it. After all its one of the qualities of yours that I like," Janet said with a half smile. "Would you rather we talked in a more private place, either my office or my home?" Janet offered. 

"I just want to go to bed Janet, I really don't care where" she admitted tiredly. "I'm...I'm sure everything will look better tomorrow without the headache but thanks. If I change my mind I'll let you know." 

"Ok, if you're sure Sam. But please call me or come over if you can't handle it, I'll always be here for you," Janet said standing up and rubbing Sam's arm before giving it a squeeze and retreating to the curtain. "Why don't you get changed and go to bed? Some sleep will do you good. I'll let you get changed now," Janet said and then parted the curtain to leave, placing Sam's file in the box to be finished later by one of the nurses. 

"Janet" Sam called out gently and waited for the woman to turn her way. "Would it be all right if I slept her for a little while? I really don't feel like driving home," she admitted though the truth was she didn't want to be alone at the moment. 

Janet stopped when she heard Sam call her name. "Sure if you want, but I am more than willing to drive you home or you are more than welcome to stay at my house. You know Cassie is always happy to see her hero," Janet said with a smile. "Just let me know what you want to do" 

"I'll...I'll just stay here that way you can finish my check up when I get up" she said standing up slowly to pull the blankets down on the gurney gently. She knew that Janet was supposed to work the late shift tonight and also knew that the woman would call someone in to take her home if she wanted her to but as long as she was with her family it didn't matter; she'd protect her so here was as good as anywhere. 

 

Flashback To Message In A Bottle 

 

Corridor

Sam Carter knew that when her best friend and in her mind sometimes she thought more because of the feelings that would inundate her mind, though she quickly pushed them away, Doctor Janet Fraiser called her down to her office in the Infirmary she knew what it was about and knew she was in trouble; if nothing else it was a reprimand on her record. She'd know she was taking the chance when she made a medical call without consulting the base CMO but she also knew that when things had calmed down after everyone was sure that Colonel O'Neil was ok she was going to hear about it. 

Janet's dedication to her patients, her concern for her friends was one of the most endearing qualities that Sam had seen in the woman; it was what made her accept the friendship when it started to happen. They'd had fights before, normally when Sam wasn't forthcoming with an injury or pushed herself more than the doctor thought she should but this time there was no defense other than she thought it would work. Thankfully it had but she had no idea if Janet was going to be furious of if she would understand that they had to try something and she wasn't there so Sam had made the argument and won to stop all the Colonel's medication. For those twelve of thirteen seconds that she didn't find a pulse on the man she thought her whole world had come crashing in; it had been her call that would have killed him. 

Fraiser's Office

Janet tried to sit while waiting for Sam to show but couldn't stay calm, she was furious and with that she began to pace her office. Wait till someone showed up.  
Making a quick stop first Sam soon entered Janet's office and when she saw the eyes she knew and quickly pulled out the camo hard combat helmet and put it on, "Ok go ahead," she said with a smile. 

"Captain Carter, please take a seat," Janet said and waved to a chair while she walked behind her desk to her own chair. "I think you know why you were called here?" Janet asked and waited for her answer, curious as to how Sam was going to justify her actions. 

"Well considering I crapped out" she began taking off the hat and took a seat. "I'm assuming it's not because you have a need for my fabulous sense of humor," she said with a smile. 

Seeing the serious look she nodded and sat the hat aside, "Janet I hope you know what I did was for the good of Colonel O'Neil and this base. We were on a timetable as you know; we had to try something." 

"That maybe, but I am the CMO of this base last time I checked, not you. Those kinds of calls are left up to me, as I am the expert when dealing with the human body. Or have you forgotten that?" Janet asked somewhat bitterly. 

"Of course I haven't" Sam began defensively. "But you weren't there Janet and you know it. Besides it doesn't take a genius to know if you're giving someone IV antibiotics to fight an infection and you stop them what happens." 

"Damn it Sam, whether I was here or not is not the issue. I should have been consulted before action was taken. Hell it wasn't just your life at stake or that of your team. The whole base was at risk if something went wrong. You can't just play with lives that way, this isn't a game of chance we play and I hope to god this isn't the way you think when your out on the field on some mission!" Janet said hotly her temper getting the best of her. 

Her own anger boiling now Sam Carter glared at her friend; she should understand this wasn't something she had undertaken easily. It had damned near killed her to even suggest it but no one else had anything better; everyone kept wanting her to fix it and then when she did they were jumping her ass and she suddenly stood up. 

"FINE" she hollered. "You're right Doctor; it was reckless and it was stupid and I shouldn't' have done it. It wasn't my call to make; I made a mistake. Are we done now because I'd like to go home and remind myself how stupid I was to come up with the answer everyone wanted" she said not even aware if Janet knew how much everyone was expecting her to fix this. "Are we done Doctor Fraiser?" 

"We're done. There's the door Captain," Janet said allowing her own voice to raise a notch. 

"YES Ma'am" she snapped picking up the combat helmet. "You'll have a formal apology and admission of guilt within the hour; I will alert General Hammond to expect your disciplinary report. Excuse Me," she said heading toward the door coldly. 

 

Flashback To Bane 

 

Carter Lab

Captain Samantha Carter was sick, the Infirmary had said she had a sinus infection or some such nonsense but instead of going home or going to lay down she had decided to tear down some project that if someone asked her she couldn't explain because her mind wasn't even on it. The situation with Teal'c had eaten to Sam's core; she had been the one to bring Harlow in from the Pentagon; she had convinced Janet, the General, the team that the man could help and what he had done was gotten Teal'c taken away from them. They barely got him back and yes Timothy Harlow, the genetic expert she had called in was instrumental in that but it didn't matter; he had put Teal'c's life in danger; hell she had by bringing him and the NID with him apparently. 

Hearing the high heel clicks on the floor Sam knew who had just entered her lab and sighed but didn't come out from under what she was working on. Instead she raised her hand to the table to feel for the wrench she needed, if Janet saw her or saw the medical report since she had been busy Teal'c then she'd try to make her go home and that wasn't where she wanted or needed to be right now. 

Janet entered Sam's lab not sure what to say yet but she approached Sam anyway. All she could see was this hand reaching for a wrench so instinctively she beat the hand to it. She knew Sam, knew she was there and that Sam was purposely ignoring her so to gain her attention she had to take drastic measures and if that meant stealing her tool so be it. Now Janet stood leaning against the edge of the table twirling the wrench waiting for Sam to speak. 

Sighing the woman dropped her hand on the table and coughed, "Give me the wrench Janet" she said totally congested, damn sinuses anyway. 

"No. Not until we talk," Janet stated firmly. "And you know why I'm here." Janet just stood there twirling the wrench. 

"Fine" the blond haired woman, said pulling her hand back and climbed out coughing. Her eyes were red rimmed and puffy; she was coughing and if Fraiser touched her she'd know she had a fever. She stood up and reached for a rag to wipe her hands, "You've seen me, now can I have my wrench" she asked coughing again. 

"I've already seen one of the junior staff; they said it's sinuses and I can keep working as long as I take it easy." 

"Yea so I read the report and no you can't have the wrench yet," Janet said as she placed it in the pocket of her lab coat. "Sam have a seat, I am going to examine you." Janet gestured toward the stool so Sam could sit while she did her examination. 

"No way" she said shaking her head. "Janet I've already seen a doctor; one of your staff" she protested holding up her hands and went toward another drawer; she had a spare wrench around here somewhere. "I'm fine," she said coughing. "Besides shouldn't you be with Teal'c?" 

"I've done all I can for Teal'c at the moment, he is resting and you look anything but fine. Now sit and that's an order. Don't make me have to pull rank on you, its always much harder for the both of us that way," Janet said and once again gestured towards the stool hoping that Sam would co-operate for once. 

"Fine" she said tiredly and went and plopped down on the stool rolling her eyes as she coughed into the rag she held. This was one of the major problems she had with Janet, she was so overprotective of her. 

"So do you always mistrust your staff so openly?" Sam asked between coughs and a light moan. "I do have work to do you know." 

"No, I usually trust my staff but I make exceptions when dealing with very difficult patients," she said as she placed her hand on Sam's forehead noticing that it was warm. "Since I have arrived you have been coughing quite a bit. I want to take your temperature to see how high you are. And don't try to argue that you don't have a fever, I felt your forehead I know you do and you know better." 

She inserted the thermometer into Sam's mouth and checked her watch while taking her pulse. When she was finished she pulled the thermometer out and read the reading. Yep she had a temp of 100. And pushing herself to work was only going to make it worse. "Sam you have a high fever. I can't allow you to work, you will either make your fever rise or have an accident and hurt yourself. Either case is unacceptable. You can either stay in the infirmary or your quarters. Those are the only options. Disobey them and I will have you escorted off the base and sent home, is that understood?" Janet asked then softened her voice to a very concerned tone. "Sam you can't keep pushing yourself like this. Your body isn't made to take it and will give out. I don't want that so please take my advice and don't make me use force. I don't want to but I will in your best interest," Janet said worried for her friends health. 

Sighing the woman simply shook her head, Janet didn't understand and no one else did either. She cursed her body for being so weak willed; it was at times like this that she missed Jolinar. The symbiote wouldn't have let her get whatever it this and she silently rose coughing, "Put the wrench on the counter and lock the door on your way out Doctor, excuse me "she said moving to leave. 

"Sam, Wait." Janet called out 

Stopping at the door the woman turned around and covered her mouth as she doubled over to cough, "What? You won't let me work so I'm going to bed or rather home and then to bed. Isn't' that what you want me to do? Molly coddle myself like I'm two" she asked a bit bitterly. 

~God Sam why do you always get so defensive when I am trying to look out for your health, do you care that little of yourself? ~ Janet wondered but never spoke aloud. "I just wanted to know where you were going. Try and drink lots of fluids and keep warm. The sleep will help," Janet said and as Sam started to turn away for the second time Janet quickly added, "I'm only looking out for you because you won't." With that Janet fell quiet and returned the wrench onto the table before heading for the door. 

"You don't get it do you Janet" Carter exclaimed and turned to face her, at this point she was only inches away from Janet. "This last screw up really showed the General how smart I am. For God's sakes" she said coughing again, "I got Harlow out here; he got NID and they damn near killed Teal'c and instead of being with him you're here worried about some damn cold" she said shaking her head. "I'll see you later, bye" and turned to leave. 

The truth was that at this moment Samantha Carter didn't care about herself, she deserved whatever happened because of what she had let Harlow do to Teal'c. 

Janet allowed Sam to leave heading back to her infirmary and to Teal'c, she would go and check on him and his larva to see how they were progressing. She was happy with the results and new nothing could be done medically, all Teal'c needed now was rest and his larva to heal him. So Janet sat at her desk letting her mind wander to Sam and how she knew that this incident was tearing Sam up inside. She was taking it so personally and yes she did bring Harlow but in the end that's who saved him. Janet simply took another few minutes while trying to decide what next to do. 

 

Flashback To Tok'ra 

 

Gate Room

After having watched her father with cancer, being pushed away by him because he refused to admit he needed her to care as much as she needed him to care, fighting with the Tok'ra and General Hammond to get them to agree to let her dad be a host and his subsequent becoming said host Captain Samantha Carter had to admit she had enough. She had heard Hammond's orders that they would debrief tomorrow. She had heard the Colonels' orders for all to go to the Infirmary but instead she had left, simply skipped the post mission protocol and gone home. 

Carter Residence

As she sat in the semi darkness on the back porch, the childhood photo album she had gotten from her brother Mark forgotten in her lap to the pain that she and her father; though so much alike, hadn't been able to tell each other how important they were to one another until one of them was near death's door or had an alien implanted in their bodies. ~Talk about your screwed up family life~ she thought ironically. 

SGC Complex: Infirmary

Noticing that Sam had not shown up to the infirmary for her post mission check up Janet called up to the front gate to see if Sam had checked out. Much to her dismay she had already left and not bothered with protocols. Janet decided something was emotionally off and gave Sam a call at her home address as well as her cell but there was no answer on either line. 

Carter Residence

With no other idea left Janet left the base too with the idea of heading home but instead found herself currently parked in front of Sam's house. She exited her vehicle and made her way up the walkway to the porch and the front door. With a knock she waited hoping Sam would answer but when none followed panic started to set in and she fished out the key Sam had given her. Unlocking the door she made her way through the dark house until she noticed Sam's silhouette on the back porch. She softly walked up to her friend and cleared her throat. 

Hearing the throat clearing Carter immediately closed the photo album and stood up, forgetting the beer she had by her feet which she knocked off, "Oh...Oh Janet I'm sorry, I didn't hear you right away. Come...Come in" she said and turned to wipe her eyes quickly before her friend saw the tears. 

Sam Carter didn't cry, especially not over something as silly as family matters. Her father a military brat like she was, had taught her better than that but of course she had forgotten that Janet was a military brat too. Her father was ex-military and the woman's mom was a nurse as well. 

Janet stepped closer upon Sam's invitation and didn't miss the tears falling from her eyes as she turned away. 

"Sam, is everything OK? You left without receiving your post mission check," Janet asked as she laid a comforting hand on Sam's arm. 

"Uh yeah" she said wiping her eyes again with the sleeve of her still dirty uniform. "Sorry about that" she stated stepping away and turned to face the woman. "I...I just needed a few minutes and you know how it is to get any peace and quiet there when the guys are all racing around after a mission" she began with a chuckle lightly trying to convince Janet; hell maybe herself, that everything was ok when it wasn't. 

"Dad went ahead with the implantation; he left before I even left the gate room" Sam answered a bit sadly, the photo album she held a little tighter. 

"I know how crazy the guys can get but you could have simply waited in my office. Next time please don't leave the base, you had me worried there for a little while," Janet said not letting any distance come between them. 

"I know about you dad. He is a soldier and a fighter. Everything will be all right even if it doesn't seem like it now. The Tok'ra will keep him alive and eventually heal him, removing the cancer completely. This isn't the only thing troubling you though is it Sam?" Janet questioned. 

"I...I don't know what you mean Janet" she said moving to step around her back to the house. "Let me just get cleaned up and we can go back to the base if you want to; I'm sorry I left and made you come looking for me. You could have called," she said moving toward a cabinet to put the album up. 

"Sam, stop a minute please. First off I did call and secondly I didn't come looking for you because you skipped the check up. I came because I care for you and don't try to pretend nothing is wrong. I know you have been crying," Janet said as she wiped away another little tear from Sam's cheek. "Please talk to me, I'm your friend." 

The woman stopped and faced Janet before she sighed and then went to sit down on the sofa, "It's silly Janet, stupid actually. A grown woman in her thirties crying because her Air Force father couldn't say I love you in years. Is that not the top of pitiful?" she asked disgusted and sat the album aside and pointed. 

"A gift from my brother, one of only two or three things from my childhood and all it did was make me more of an emotional mess" she began the tears slowly starting again. "He didn't even want me to interrupt my work when he told me he had cancer, told General Hammond in the hospital he shouldn't have called me." 

Janet just followed Sam and sat next to her, keeping close. "Sam its not stupid to want your father to admit that he loves you or even that he is proud of you. Everyone needs to hear that they are loved once in a while and sometimes it needs to come from a parent, your case your father, sometimes a friend. But everyone, no matter what age they are still needs to hear it. Its a reassurance that there is still someone that truly cares deeply for you," Janet paused to catch her breath as that last sentence came out all at once. 

"That's a very touching gift that your brother gave you. Something that should always be treasured especially when there is not much of your childhood left." Janet stopped and gathered Sam in her arms as she began to cry again. "Its OK to be upset and angry, and it was wrong of your father to not want you there. I just want you to always remember that you will always be loved by someone," she paused then added softly. "Even if it's just me." 

Crying freely now on her friend the young woman pulled her legs up and buried her head on her best friend and sobbed, "I..." she started to say what was on her heart but instead she simply nodded lightly; as much as she could. "I know Janet" she whispered through the tears, would she ever have the courage to tell her how she felt? Or rather thought she felt? 

 

Flashback to The Fifth Race 

 

Infirmary

Captain Samantha Carter was disappointed, not just for the fact that she hadn't been able to repair the DHD on the planet that Colonel O'Neil, with the Ancient's knowledge in his head had done, but also that they hadn't found a way to help him. From the analogy they were currently using it was like all this knowledge had been downloaded into Colonel O'Neil's brain and yet the only one who could make sense of anything he had done was Daniel. 

She had returned with Teal'c and SG-3 a few minutes ago and Janet had ordered them all into the Infirmary for heat exhaustion and exposure on the alien planet. The others were being seen to but as the CO of the team Carter knew she'd get her best friend, now if only she could convince her she was fine so she could get back to the computers and maybe find a solution to help Colonel O'Neil in time her day would be perfect. 

Entering the area where Sam was seated she started to run her check up. "I think you should not go out in the sun too much in the next week or so Sam. You got a little toasty from the exposure on that planet," Janet said lightly as she continued making notes. 

"Cute Janet" the woman said with her eyebrows raised sarcastically. "Yes we all got a little warm. How is the Colonel doing though? Don't waste your time worrying about me." 

"Sam its my job to worry about you and I'm not wasting my time," Janet said letting out a sigh and handing Sam some aloe gel to apply to her face. 

Janet continued her head hung low, "I just wish there was something I could do. I have all this medical knowledge and high tech equipment and I can't do a damn thing." Janet started to walk away from Sam. "Apply that to your face at least three or four times a day or when your skin feels tight and dry." With that she turned and began walking towards her office. 

Watching her friend Sam started to follow and then shook her head lightly, they didn't have a lot of time if they wanted to help the Colonel and Janet would survive once they had an answer. She was the strongest woman Carter had ever known and why she was worried about her the fact was she needed to concentrate on the Colonel right now. 

Quickly grabbing her duty jacket she headed out while squirting some of the gel on her face and rubbed it but paused at Janet's door, "Janet I've got to go but I'll check on you later. As for finding the answer we will; it's just going to take us a little time but you know the Colonel almost as well as I do and he won't give up on himself or us. Thanks for the gel though." 

As Sam's back retreated Janet thought to herself, ~that's what I'm afraid of. The Colonel doesn't have a lot of time left before his brain begins to shut itself down. I don't think we are going to win this one. ~ She let her head fall into her clasped hands that rested on her desk. 

 

Flashback To A Matter Of Time 

 

Control Room

It had taken almost an hour before Sam and the rest of the world was sure that the bomb had shut down the Stargate's access to the black hole. Colonel O'Neil had been reported recovering though he'd be unconscious another several hours. The Captain was just about to crawl under the control room main computer when she heard a voice, it was Teal'c and General Hammond telling her she should go to the Infirmary. 

At first she didn't understand why but then felt it and winced. Turning to glance at her shoulder, she saw it cut up pretty good from the glass that had busted. Most of it had gone outward but apparently a few pieces had gone in and she shook her head. She didn't have time to worry about it; there was work to do to access the damage done to the gate, the iris and everything else to see when they could get operational. "General I'm fine" she protested. 

"No you aren't Captain Carter" Hammond interrupted. "Doctor Fraiser has already seen to Teal'c, he can supervise the team up here until you get back or go home. There isn't much we can do right now anyway and I've already answered three calls from the Doctor wanting to know why you aren't there. Report to the Infirmary." 

Sighing she nodded, "Yes Sir" she said moving toward the stairs. 

Infirmary

Janet kept herself busy in the infirmary finishing up on adding the last minute notes to a few patient files. She was trying to stay out in the main area so she could catch Sam when she finally decided to pay her a visit. She already had talked to Hammond as to why the Captain had not made an appearance. 

Minutes later Carter breezed in already moving to take her shirt off as she moved toward an exam area so Janet could fish the glass out of her shoulder and patch it up in a hurry, she had a ton of work to do. With the Colonel stable she could now concentrate on the work and it was a hell of a lot to get the SGC back to operational again within several weeks. 

Seeing her friend watching her Sam nodded, "Hello Janet, I'm in kind of a hurry so can you just put a band-aid on it and I can go please" she asked now down to her undershirt as she tossed the clothes on a chair nearby but wouldn't remove anymore until they were absconded from view. 

Janet followed Sam to an examining area and pulled the curtain closed around them so she could remove her other shirt. 

"I'd be more than happy to help," Janet said unemotionally as she slipped her hands into a pair of gloves. 

"Please have a seat on the bed and I'll take a look," Janet moved closer to examine the injury. "First off I need to remove the shard of glass that are embedded in your shoulder then I will clean it. This is going to hurt a bit," she said as she grabbed up a pair of tweezers and started to remove the glass. "Is the gate relatively in one piece," she asked to get Sam talking, hoping to distract her from the pain. 

Grinding her teeth together for a second Sam knew if she asked that her friend would give her a painkiller, a local if nothing else but she also knew she preferred not to take drugs unless she had no choice, "The...gate yes. The iris is toast as is most of the computers in the...AH" she hollered pulling away from Janet in discomfort. "Damn that hurts a little Janet." 

"Sorry that was embedded pretty deep," Janet replied. "I'll give you a local to ease the pain." Janet left for a moment and returned with a filled needle and a tray of warm water with a sponge. 

After injecting the local in her arm Janet went about removing the last shard of glass then began to wash away the blood. "I am going to need to give you stitches. This one is pretty deep while the others are superficial," Janet said reaching for the needle and thread. 

After that was all done she applied a bandage and told Sam she was not to get this wet. 

"I also want to go to your quarters and get a few hours sleep. Then you can start working on the gate again. You are exhausted and your shoulder needs to not move for a while." 

"Janet I don't have time to..." she began and reached for her t-shirt only to see Janet had it first. "I have a lot of work to do but I promise; I'll rest later." 

Janet wasn't in the mood to argue so instead she just handed Sam her shirt. "Of course, after all you know what's best," she replied somewhat detached. She turned and left pulling the curtain closed behind her so Sam could finish putting on her shirt. 

"Oh that's just great" Carter verbalized as she started to dress. ~Why do you act like such an ass Carter? It's going to take weeks to get the new iris in place, would it kill you to listen to Janet just once in your life? She's your friend and your doctor and you're always questioning her advice~ she argued with herself. 

Holding her arm for a moment so her shoulder wouldn't move she headed out of the curtain but toward Janet's office, nodding to the nurse she passed, "Janet can we talk for a minute" she asked her best friend and her doctor. "I promise, no arguments and I'll do whatever you want." 

Sighing Janet replied, "What good does it do to talk Sam? Nothing I say is listened to. You just ignore whatever medical judgment I pass." 

"Yeah about that" she said moving into the office and closed the door before taking a seat slowly. "I wanted to try to explain if I could Janet. See it isn't you, at least not you personally but I don't do well with the whole patient, I'm not immortal thing" she told her friend honestly. 

"Listen I know I make a terrible patient, I know I make you miserable but truthfully I really do appreciate all you do for me Janet. I'd be long dead by now if it wasn't for you watching out for me" she offered locking her eyes with Janet's and smiled, "Usually to my own objections of course. I guess it's a good thing you're as stubborn as I am huh?" 

"Sam, sometimes it seems like a hopeless fight from where I stand. You usually go off and do the exact opposite of what I told you. In a way it makes me want to stop trying because it is so frustrating and stressful." Janet honestly told her. 

At that precise moment Carter could see how much fighting with her, hell all of them was weighing on Janet. She was not only responsible for the entire planet like the rest of the SGC was but she was responsible for keeping the SG teams healthy and able to save everyone else's ass. 

Sighing the Captain nodded, "I know Janet, at least I do now. I don't think I ever realized before how hard what you do must be. If it helps" she began sheepishly, "I'm sorry and I hope, no that isn't right I want and I need you to keep fighting Janet; for all of us but I understand if you don't want to. No one wants to fight twenty-four seven all the time." 

"Sam its not about want. I care for everyone here at this command, some more than others," she said looking Sam in the eyes as she said the last part. "I just don't want to be fighting for a lost cause, for something that people don't want me to fight for. I've kind of come to the point where I need a reason to keep going. I need justification that what I am doing is what is right for everyone and I'm not being selfish," Janet finished looking down at her clasped hands. 

Slowly Sam rose, her shoulder slightly achy but nothing to stop her and walked over turning Janet's chair to face her before dropping down on one knee, "You aren't being selfish" she said with determination and met her eyes, those beautiful eyes. "The rest of us are by not appreciating what you do. 

You take care of us Janet, throughout everything and it's high time someone said thank you and since I just acted like an ass in the other room" she said which got a smirk from both of them. "I'm appointing myself the task so thank you," she said reaching out and put her hand on top of Janet's and squeezed it tightly and then leaned over to kiss the hands gently. "Thank you for taking care of me and all of us Janet and please don't let our pigheadedness stop you from doing that anymore." 

Janet didn't know what to say to Sam so she just nodded and squeezed the hand back. "Thanks its good to hear you say that." 

Smiling the Captain nodded, "Now I need a couple favors. One, can you help me up here because I think I'm stuck" she joked with a wink. "And two, can you tell Hammond I went home to get some sleep and some food on the advice of my good friend and that I'll be back tomorrow?" 

 

Flashback To Holiday 

 

Morgue

Sitting alone in the morgue Sam Carter stared at the covered figure that held the alien man that had switched bodies with Daniel. She couldn't seem to bring herself to leave him, she had no idea why, at first it was she thought perhaps it was because Daniel was in there but even after he had transferred back to his body and they had talked that wasn't it. Carter had taken to staring at the alien journal, all the other artifacts they had gathered from Machello's lab had been or were being sent to area 51 over the woman's objections, she wanted to understand and study the machines, the language all of it. 

Machello had told her that he wanted to teach her the symbols, she had promised him she'd figure it out and with his level of knowledge it was possible he had known the very thing that would defeat the Goa'uld but the symbols made no sense, and she had stared at them until they danced. Daniel had told her that they were likely nonsense, that no one but Machello would likely ever understand them and she'd do better with just concentrating on the technology but the answer had to be there; in his head and in something had told her but what was it 

Shivering slightly in the light coat she wore Sam glanced at her watch; she'd been in the freezer area of the morgue for almost an hour and despite protests by the junior staff she had remained. The answer had to be there but she had to find it and the cold helped her to focus, at least she hoped it did. The complaints Janet had received from the Junior officers is what lead her to the morgue where one Samantha Carter was currently standing in the cold freezer. 

"Are you starting to get morbid on me? Cause I hope this isn't going to become a habit of yours," Janet said gesturing to Sam standing in the freezer. 

Glancing over her shoulder the woman shook her head as she put her hands in the coat pockets and went back to staring at the old man, "You said I needed a hobby Janet, you don't consider corpse watching a good one" she joked but it was only half hearted. 

Her breath came in short stints at the moment and could be seen, morgues were damn cold if you aren't a slab of meat and had any feeling left in your extremities but he had the answers, all she needed to do was find them but how without him there to tell her. 

"No that wasn't the hobby I was thinking of," Janet replied. "Sam, your not going to find any answers here. He's dead; he won't sit up and tell you the answers to the questions you seek. You need to look somewhere else," Janet said softly. 

"WHERE" she stressed at the top of her voice and turned to study her friend. "Where are the answers Janet and I'll seek them. The Goa'uld are coming and as much as it pains me to say it we aren't ready; we may never be ready and he" she turned back to Machello's body. 

"He may have been the savior we were looking for. You know," she said shaking her head sadly, "Colonel O'Neil suggested we get a symbiote from the Tok'ra, bring him back so he could help us but this man. Daniel told me a little what he was like, he spent his life fighting the Goa'uld and why the Tok'ra aren't Goa'uld would he understand the difference or care or are we just that desperate to sacrifice a man's soul to help us?" 

"I don't know where to look Sam," Janet said quickly. "But I know one thing, Machello spent his life fighting against the Goa'uld and giving him a symbiote of a Tok'ra is not the answer. It's not what he would be willing to do and yes I do think we would be sacrificing his soul if that were to be done." 

"Wonderful" Carter said shaking her head. "It's a damned if you do and damned if you don't situation but at least I made my position clear to the General" she said stepping closer to Machello, shivering a little but then leaned down and whispered to him gently before she turned to face her friend. 

"Enough of this, I should get back to work. I have a ton of stuff to do, sorry to have the staff get you down here Janet" she said moving to pass the woman to leave. 

Janet grabbed her arm before she could get passed her completely. "Sam there is nothing to be sorry for. Sometimes just finding a quiet place to think is needed or to go to seek answers," with a smile Janet added lightly, "I just don't think the morgue freezer is the place for it. Next time just try coming and talking with me." And Janet released her arm. 

"I couldn't" Sam admitted and looked at Janet. "I told them I'd resign before helping them to get a Tok'ra symbiote for him and God help us all but it could be I condemned this entire planet to destruction by doing it. I'll talk to you later Janet" she said softly and then left silently, sometimes having morals really got in the way of being a good soldier. 

Present Time

Medical Lab Three

Sam was laughing as she finished that last story and nodded as her friend; in her mind something more than family finished the massage on her neck. Her entire body hurt; bent over microscopes and computers all day tended to knot a muscle or two, "So" she said to Janet and smiled, "You can see my mind is just bored apparently. I guess we should get back to work." 

"Ahh, what's the hurry?" Janet asked as she ran her hand down Sam's neck to her upper back and allowed it to rest there. 

Glancing back at Janet with a smile she chuckled lightly, "You have another idea besides working Janet? I'm all ears," she said with a wide grin. 

Janet just looked at Sam with a mischievous smirk on her face. "I think I can come up with one or two things," Janet replied. 

"Ooh...now I'm definitely intrigued" Sam stated as they started talking again. 

 

Flashback To Legacy 

 

Infirmary

After the protein/Machello injection had worked Captain Samantha Carter had been taken by her friend and pushed into an exam area and made to change and lie down. After what had happened with the Machello 'bugs' as they were calling them she, Teal'c, Daniel, the Colonel and even Janet had been stretched too much and if not for Sam's blood and the protein marker in it they would all likely be nuts or committed right now. 

She listened with interest as Fraiser spoke of the effects of giving blood like Sam had done, not to mention on her own when they were locked in the medical lab. Janet hadn't been up to helping and had to admit that after that the stress of waiting and of worrying about Teal'c had almost been too much for her. Watching her doctor and her best friend the Captain had to smile, she always worried about her so much. "Janet I'm ok, I don't need IV fluids and really don't want to stay in the Infirmary a few hours. It was just a little blood, besides you should be resting somewhere just like you told the Colonel and Teal'c moments ago." 

"I know what I am doing Sam, and I know what is needed for me but first I have to take care of you. To check and make sure everything is OK," Janet said. 

Janet was glad that Sam had not brought up anything she had said or done in the lab. As she thought about it on her own she began to feel embarrased and hoped it didn't show. 

Watching her best friend, her love, move around the room as she gathered up what she needed to tend to her Carter smiled and winked when she saw Janet looking at her with the question in those maple eyes. The eyes were what first attracted Sam to the woman, they held so much and could convey even more without a word. It had amazed her at first but as time went on and they became friends she understood the meaning behind the saying that the eyes were the key to the soul. 

"You've always taken care of me Janet" she said holding out her arm to the woman so she could start the IV easily. "And about what you said in the lab, I want you to know I feel the same way and you don't have to feel embarrassed about it Janet." 

Sam had called her on the actions that took place moments before and she could feel a slight blush beginning to cover her skin. 

"And I always will Sam," Janet said as she took the arm and inserted the IV needle. Once she had the IV hooked up and taped down, Janet let her hand linger on Sam's arm lightly caressing it. 

Smiling at the touch Sam yawned and glanced over at Janet with a knowing smile, she knew what she had done but instead of being upset just nodded her thanks and whispered, "You want to know a secret Janet?" 

"And what would your secret be Sam?" Janet asked with intrigue while waiting for Sam to continue. 

Keeping her voice low and playful the woman acted like it was the biggest secret in the world and leaned up a little, "I never really like IV's" and the laughed settling back and smiled at her friend. 

"You are something else Sam," Janet said and gave her a playful swat on the arm. "Maybe I should just give you IV's for erverything I hae to Treat with you." 

Sam Carter nodded and yawned again, "Made you smile though" she said full voiced now. "I'm...I'm fine Janet, go crash somewhere and get some sleep. I'll come and find you when I can sneak out." 

"I'll just wait to crash. The on-call room is not the most comfortable and at the moment I don't feel like driving home," Janet offered not really wanting to leave Sam. "And I don't much care for sleeping on the couch in my office.But I want you to get some sleep. You already yawning." 

Sam smiled and nodded but then studied her friend and gently scooted over on the bed, pulling the IV a little at first but then settling down, "That's...because you slipped me a sedative Janet. Come on" she said patting the bed with her other hand. "Room for two and everyone won't care, we are both girls and well you're dead on your feet. Can't take care of me if you're tired." 

Janet moved to check the IV making sure Sam didn't pull it out too much. Janet sighed, "Its ok Sam, I'll get some sleep and I know you, if I didn't slip you that sedative you would be fighting to get back into your lab and work," Janet said with a smile 

"Just like you're doing" Sam insisted slowly and smiled. "Come on, I promise I won't grope you anywhere you don't want me to" she joked and then met Janet's eyes. "Please, lay down here with me." 

"You know pointing out any things I am doing that I have told you not to do isn't winning you any brownie points with me," Janet said and rested her hands on her hips. 

When Sam mentioned groping Janet's mind took a sudden dive and she could only dream that Sam would actually follow through with what she said. 

"Fine," Janet said and joined Sam on the bed laying on her side her back to Sam. The last thing she wanted was for Sam to see what kind of an effect hse had over her and if Sam were to see her face all those emotins would see light. 

With a smile Sam carefully rolled her and wrapped her hand over her best friend and gripped the hand on the other side tightly, "Night Janet." 

 

Flashback To Learning Curve 

 

Medical Observation Room

Samantha Carter found her best friend, her family sitting alone in the Observation Room to one of the medical rooms and quietly went and sat beside her not saying anything. She knew that not being able to help the children of Orban live a normal life without the nanite technology that the adults made them acquire had been hard on not only Janet but on Colonel O'Neil too. He had even taken their young visitor to Cassandra's old school so she could color and paint before going home. 

Glancing over at her friend she saw her eyes open but she seemed lost in thought and knew that Cassandra was making dinner for them tonight; part of some home economics project though the last time she had done that it was seven different ways to make beans. Carter had indigestion half the night and Cassie was exceedingly noisy herself. The one person it hadn't bothered was Janet and she and the woman's daughter were convinced that a pod person who could handle lots of gas easily had replaced the doctor. 

Janet continued to sit and watch through the Observation window into the room below. She wasn't even aware of a presents beside her, her thoughts consuming her and taking her miles away. 

Slowly Samantha Carter slid her arm around Janet's shoulders and held her tightly, joining for several minutes in the silent vigil and then coughed lightly. "Janet" she whispered, "It wasn't your fault. You did all you could to convince them, just like the rest of us. What is going on Orban isn't your responsibility and it doesn't mean anything about who or what you are or devoted your life too" she said guessing what the woman was thinking, much as Sam had been earlier. 

"I'm a doctor. Plain and simple, I'm suppose to heal those that are sick, patch up wounds, all in all make sure they will have the opportunity to see tomorrow, next month hell even next year." Janet sighed. "I couldn't do that. I couldn't help them. I failed." 

Not releasing her friend the woman turned to face her fully though she only had a profile view, "HOW is the fact that adults make the children get nanites so they will learn faster your fault? It isn't fair Janet but there are some things in the universe we can't control," she said standing up then and sighed. 

"Listen I love that this bothers you so much, it's proof of the very attitude that makes you the best damned doctor in the entire universe but sometimes you just have to hope things work out. Now come on," she said holding her hand down to her best friend. "Cassie is supposed to cook tonight and at last report the assignment was eight different uses for cheese." 

Janet gave Sam a weary smile. "I just wish there was something I could do," she said accepting the offered hand. "I am beginning to wonder if pushing Cassie to take that cooking class was such a good idea?" 

"And I'm beginning to wonder if letting you talk me into dinner when she's cooking was an even better one" she joked squeezing the hand. "You better swing by the office though, get some extra you know whatever you use for too much cheese just incase" she said seriously as they headed, together toward the door. 

 

Flashback To Point Of View 

 

Carter Quarters

After the debriefing and the last mission Samantha Carter found herself sitting alone in her quarters. It wasn't everyday that you met yourself from another reality, to top that off her alternate self was married to the alternate version of her current commanding officer that she had to admit despite circumstances that made any future possibilities unlikely she had small feelings for. On top of that her team, her friends had to go on a mission without her because of something called Entropic Cascade Failure on the cellular level. She had started to go and Janet had stated no, both physical and emotional reasons as the cause. 

At the time the woman couldn't believe her best friend, her family had betrayed her. She knew how hard it was for Carter to stay behind from a mission but she had paid no attention and convinced Hammond she shouldn't go and she hadn't seen her since; things had been hopping too much for her to find her or worry about her finding Sam. 

After the incident where she had to deny Sam accompanying her teammates on a mission Janet knew that Sam was not pleased with her, and at this moment all she wanted to do was crawl into a hole and never come out. She knew that what she had done was for Sam's safety and well being, but the fact that she had hurt her friend was beginning to be more than she could bear. Janet couldn't even find the nerve to head to Sam's quarters and try to talk to her, in her mind this one decision had cost them their friendship from the way Sam reacted to her judgment. 

Several hours passed and Carter finally went back to work but it was clear her mind was preoccupied with several things, not the least of all was Janet. She understood why she had done it but Janet had to understand how hard it was for her, not only seeing another alternate version of herself but also Kawalsky who she had known and who had died because of the first Goa'uld infestation. Add to that being unable to help. 

Suddenly her hand slipped and she ended up with a nasty electrical burn on her first and second fingers, "DAMN IT" she hollered grabbing a towel and wrapping them around the fingers. Glancing up at the clock she saw it was four o'clock, surely Janet must be off duty by now so it should be safe to go to the Infirmary and avoid her if luck was with her. She set out that way. 

Janet was milling around the infirmary finishing up a few thing before she headed home. So far the day had been one of the worst for her. She had not seen Sam since their dispute about Sam joining the mission. Just as she got to thinking that she had lost her friend for good that before mentioned friend stepped through the doors to the infirmary. 

Without thinking Janet lead Sam to the closest bed and stated removing the towel from around her hand. She left for a few minutes to grab a small tray filled with a liquid of some kind and sat Sam's two burnt fingers in it. After a few minutes she removed the fingers and toweled them dry. She delicately applied the bandage. "You'll need to be careful with these. They are going to be overly sensitive for a few days due to the burn and if you catch them on a hard surface you can break open the skin or remove a layer or two. So keep them bandaged at all times and return to the infirmary three times a day to get the bandages changed," Janet finished addressing her patient then handed the file to a near by nurse, grabbing her briefcase, she turned and left for her car and home. 

"Oh no you don't" Carter called and stood up; ignoring the nurse telling her she couldn't leave yet. 

"I'll be with Doctor Fraiser" Carter hollered and hurried up; she missed Janet at the elevator but caught her up by her car. 

Parking Garage

"What was that Janet" Sam demanded angrily. "You just come in, do your little act and waltz out without a word? Is that how it works? You pass down word from on high and damn how it affects the people you pass it on about" she said angrily. 

"Do you have any idea how angry I am at you? Do you even care?" 

"Of course I care Sam," Janet responded hotly. "You're my best friend or at least you were. And all I did in there was treat one of my patients like I always do when someone gets physically hurt. I'm sorry you're angry with me but I stand by what I said." Janet was now letting her voice rise as she was beginning to give in to her own anger. So not wanting the situation to get worse she moved to unlock the driver's door and placed her bag on the front passenger seat. 

"What is that supposed to mean" Carter demanded stepping up and grabbed Janet's arm. "You heard the same thing from Teal'c that I did, he had an alternate in the other reality too Janet and was at the same risk but you let him go. They were gone barely thirty hours, that left me eighteen hours easy before Doctor Carter had started to get sick here" she said finishing. 

"Ok, I'll admit there were emotional issues with me that there weren't with Teal'c, it isn't everyday that I run into myself from another reality but it wasn't compromising my ability to do my job Janet, you had no proof it was so why didn't you allow me to go? There had to be a better reason." 

"There are always reason Sam. But I didn't want you to be under that much emotional stress and strain. Just dealing with the situation here was taking its toll on you," Janet replied defensively. 

"That's your answer? Emotional strain" the woman demanded locking eyes with Janet and sighed stepping back. 

"Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to sit on the sidelines Janet? I trusted you to take that into account and you didn't, you benched me for something I hadn't even done yet. How can I ever forgive you for that" she asked moving back now silently, almost in tears toward the mouth of the mountain. 

"Sam," Janet called out. "Have you ever stopped to think how hard it is for others to watch you go through that gate knowing that you might not come back? At least this once there was something I could do," Janet finished and sat in her car, closing the door and letting out a sigh of frustration. 

That made the woman stop and she stared, almost in disbelief. That was why she had done it? Why hadn't she just told her? Pushing her own anger aside, she'd deal with that later she went up to Janet's car and opened the driver's door looking down at her best friend, "Is that why you did it Janet? Because you were afraid for me that I wouldn't come back, the truth" she said encouragingly and leaned down on the pavement. 

Her face didn't hold any anger this time, concern and some of the old trust and fight but also something of the friendship, She reached inside and placed her burnt hand on Janet's knee. "You were scared for me as my friend weren't you?" 

"Yes," Janet said barely audibly before turning her head to the side away from Sam. 

"No" Sam said and reached out to grip Janet's chin and turned her face back, "We aren't going to hide from one another Janet, not anymore. We've done it for a little over three years and you're my best friend; I want to be honest with you about everything" she said with a smile and squeezed her leg, "And I want you to be honest with me. Do you believe the call you made for me not to go was medically sound as my doctor and my friend? Yes or no Janet." 

"As your friend yes." Janet said once again trying to turn away unable to face Sam. 

"Janet stop" she ordered meeting her eyes. "I know you, well enough to know that anything, and I do mean ANYTHING you make medically regarding me; for whatever reasons were sound. I was angry and partially am angry," she admitted, "That you benched me but I won't ever, not ever in my life say anything you had done was medically unsound in relation to me. You aren't that kind of person Janet, not that kind of Doctor and we both know," she stressed to her best friend. 

"I trust you, with my life and more and I'm sorry that I let my anger get the better of me but it's gone now" she said softly releasing her chin then, hoping she wouldn't turn away. "We've dealt with it and we're better because of it all right?" 

Janet just looked at Sam and allowed the emotions she had felt all day to show in her eyes. And not trusting her own voice Janet just nodded in response to Sam's spoken question. 

"Come here" Carter whispered and leaned in enough to hug her best friend. 

For several minutes they cried until they heard a throat clearing and both looked up shocked to see Janet's chief nurse Abby Washington standing there. "Doctor" she said coming forward, holding two bags from the Infirmary, "As the physician of record would you please sign out Major Carter before she totally screws up my filing system ma'am" she said with a roll of her eyes. "Because if she does then you're going to be hot tomorrow and I am supposed to work with you and I'd rather you were in a good mood." 

"Hey" Sam stated good-naturedly and straightened up, "I resemble that remark I'll have you know." 

"Yes I know" Abby said handing the clipboard to Janet with a smile. "Glad to see you two worked it out, though if you had been half an hour earlier I would have won the pool." 

Janet took the offered clipboard and signed it before handing it back. "Excuse me Abby. IS my staff betting on me? I'll have you know that my relationships whether friendship or professional are just that mine. They are not to be used as betting material," Janet said shocked. 

With that Abby left and Janet once again looked towards Sam. "So to put this whole incident behind us. How about dinner?" 

"Dinner I can do" Carter said smiling and nodded while leaning down. "And for the record, Abby never bets in those pools but likely saw you jumping on her as a way to take out your frustration about me before you said to me and we were back in the argument again. You better bring her a present tomorrow" she joked and squeezed Janet's shoulder. "How about I meet you at your place?" 

"That would be great Sam. Say in about thirty minutes?" 

"Sounds good" she promised and nodded. "See you then and for the official record nothing could make you not be my best friend. Now drive safe and be careful, see you soon" she said and closed Janet's door after stepping back with a smile and headed into the mountain to gather up her things. 

 

Flashback To Past And Present 

 

Gate Room

Samantha Carter shook her head as she watched the aliens they had helped; with the destructor of worlds help that was; leave through the Stargate. Since all the activity happened on base and General Hammond understood how much Janet and Sam had both been pushing themselves he had given them forty-eight hours downtime, the guys mentioned something about fishing though Daniel was taking enough work to be busy since he didn't understand how sitting with a line in the water not catching anything was fun. Carter could understand that; she thought the same thing. 

Glancing up at the control room she saw Siler give the nod that things were fine and smiled heading toward the blast doors, she just had to grab her coat, keys and laptop and she'd be good to go. Since she didn't feel much like cooking she'd go out to dinner. 

Corridor/Elevator

Waiting on the elevator she noticed Janet calling her and smiled at the woman, "Hey Janet, you going to do anything fun for your downtime? And yes" she said as the elevator opened and they entered, "I know you usually have to make me take my downtime."  
Janet laughed as her friend was plainly pointing out how she was willingly taking downtime this time around. "Actually I don't have any plans, Cassie is spending the weekend at a friends so I'm going to have the place to myself. I will probably catch up on some house work and be going stir crazy with it being so quiet," Janet said with a smile not sure why Sam was so interested in her plans. 

"Well now we can't have you going stir crazy, I mean a crazy doctor running around what would people think" she joked laughing while punching the level for both she and Janet's offices. 

"Listen" she said turning to face her proudly, "I was planning on hanging around the house but that sounds boring, for both of us. I have access to a cabin that a friend says I can use anytime in one of the nearby mountain ranges and it's near the park. Why don't you join me and we'll go hiking commune with nature and such? We can leave first thing tomorrow morning and after you've packed we can have a girl's night at my place and then head out whenever we want tomorrow." 

"I don't know Sam. As much as it sounds like fun, what if something were to happen to Cassie? I would be unreachable." 

"It has a phone Janet and the cell phones work up there, they just put up a bunch of new towers last year" Carter said trying to convince her friend. "Come on, we both need to relax and it even has a hot tub. I'll drive too," she said with a broad smile. 

"That way you can nap on the way since you know you are older than me and need more rest and...." 

"Excuse me!" Janet said raising her voice slightly and slapping Sam on the arm. 

Sam raised her hands in defense and giggles covering her arm, "Oh that's it, my doctor is abusing me. I know there must be a doctor's over abusing their patients form I can fill out here," she said but it was clear she was joking. 

"Come on Janet, I'll even order in tonight and you know how much I HATE that," she said not able to hold a straight face. Next to Cassie and O'Neil the woman was the queen of take out; she rarely ate a salad either but hardly ever-gained weight. 

Janet couldn't help herself and was laughing hysterically at Sam Carters antics. "OK fine, I give. When are we leaving?" Janet finally said giving in to Sam who finally stopped laughing and currently sported a puppy dog pout. 

"You can come over to my place say in an hour, I need to pick up some camping supplies unless you want to go with me later" she said and then grabbed Janet and hugged her tightly. "It's going to be so much fun" she said as the elevator opened and they found two NCO's staring at them. 

Letting Janet go Carter pointed to the woman, "It was all her fault" she said leading the way out of the elevator and then broke down in giggles. 

"You are such a trouble maker, Captain Carter. And for that you can go shopping on your own. I'll meet you in an hour," Janet said shaking her head as she entered the infirmary. 

 

Flashback To Foothold 

 

Corridor/Elevator

Holding her coat tightly to her body Major Samantha Carter pressed up quickly on her toes wishing the elevator would hurry up and get here. After the Foothold situation she had worked for hours to get the palm scanners up and running again as well as the new detection system installed into the gate room above the Stargate. There was nothing like hanging upside down from the ceiling to exhilarate your already miserable week. It had all started so innocently enough and then she found herself in a fight for the planet alone; though technically she had Colonel Maybourne but by going outside procedure he had damn near doomed them all. It had only been luck that got them out of the situation and still most of the aliens impersonating them had gotten through the Stargate. 

After that she had to carefully gauge her time to avoid the Infirmary. She knew that Janet had been looking for her for hours; truthfully as her best friend and family she wanted to see the woman about what had happened, they both had things to talk about but she also couldn't get the image out of her mind that Fraiser had jabbed her with that damn sedative; well at least the image of Janet. It hadn't been her and they both knew that but try telling an exhausted psyche that and you'd be surprised what kind of arguments it came up with. 

She had tried to stay on base and busy so she could stop by the Infirmary and see one of the junior staff about the pain in her butt, right where she had been jabbed and the running around hadn't helped. When she looked she saw the ugly purple bruise but it hurt more than a bruise but no idea why. One thing she know though; she wasn't going anywhere near there until later when Janet was off duty; or she'd go to the local ER or something later. Hell how much could it hurt to sit on it to drive? 

Janet had tried tracking down her friend. She knew things were edgy between them to say the least, after all someone that looked identical to her had sedated Sam and tried to take over the planet starting with the SGC. Janet wasn't sure that their friendship would be able to recover from this. 

Janet had left the infirmary since her shift had now been over for twenty minutes and Sam had yet to show. So she went in search of her wayward friend. She checked her lab, her quarters and the gateroom all of which had no Sam. So with only one other thought Janet headed to the top and jumped in her car. After checking out and driving for a few minutes she was struck with a brilliant idea and now was the time to execute it. 

Carter's Residence

So she headed towards Sam's house because eventually she had to return there. With her car parked down the street Janet now sat on the porch and waited. And waited...and waited. 

As it turns out it hurt a lot to drive, Carter kept having to switch from one cheek to the other otherwise she hollered out in pain and tears rolled down her face. Since she was alone she had no problem letting herself cry. 

Coming up her road slowly she pulled into the drive and shut off the lights, grabbing her stuff and got out. She headed toward the front porch not looking anywhere and fumbling with her keys, maybe a hot bath would help the pain in her ass. If it didn't she was considering a butt transplant at this stage. 

Janet noticed Sam coming home and just sat patiently in the shadows and Sam came onto the porch and began to try to open her door. It was then that she noticed the tear streaks down her cheeks. 

"Sam?" Janet questioned. "What's wrong?" 

At the voice the Major jumped almost dropping her laptop but she did drop her purse and keys as she spun around pressing her back and butt against the front door, "OH Jesus, Janet. You startled me" she said quickly and smiled. 

"No....Nothing's wrong. What are you doing here? You could have let yourself in and...." 

"I know I could have let myself in," Janet said moving out of the shadows closer to Sam and picking up her purse and keys. "But since I have left messages for you to come see me when we were on base and you have been clearly avoiding me. I didn't want to enter your house, especially enter a place I'm not wanted," Janet said keeping the hurt out of her voice. 

"Now I know something is wrong cause you've been crying," Janet said matter of factly gesturing to Sam's cheeks. "Want to tell me what's wrong or not? 

Sighing the woman lightly touched her cheeks, "It's just everything getting caught up with me Janet and you're always welcome here, you know that" she said accepting the keys back to turn and unlock the door. 

Entering she sat her laptop down and walked a little stiffly but saw Janet still on the porch and tried to smile, "Unless you plan to take up root out there come on in, have a seat Janet. Can I get you something to drink?" she asked heading toward the kitchen, she had some leftover painkillers from something or other in there so perhaps downing some of them would help. 

With the invitation to enter Janet decided to move and take the offered seat. "With the way you have been avoiding me, I'm not going to over stay my welcome. But before I get on with what I have to say. Tell me what is wrong. I have already noticed you walking funny, you know the whole being a doctor thing can be a real pain in the ass sometimes to patients," Janet said seriously not in the mood for games. 

Entering the kitchen and saying she'd be right back Sam found the painkillers gone and then remembered she had given them back to Janet when she didn't take them all the last time; it was SOP medical protocol since they were narcotics. ~Just my luck~ she thought. 

Going toward the fridge she grabbed two diet sodas and then decided on water instead grabbing two bottled ones. She came out and offered one to Janet but didn't sit down, "Janet I haven't been avoiding, and it's just been busy. If I had been avoiding you I wouldn't have invited you in" Sam began and went to lean against a wall. 

"Also for the record you could never overstay your welcome Janet. I admit the last few days have been weird but it wasn't you and I know that and don't blame you for it." 

"Blame me for what Sam? Why don't you sit down please? At least then I can see you better." Janet was starting to get worried because she new something was wrong with Sam and she wasn't sharing. 

~Uh oh~ she thought. If she sat down the jig was up and instead smiled and motioned to the porch, "Why don't we continue this outside? I have some gardening to do and I can finish it up while we talk," she said already moving that way. 

"Seriously Janet I don't blame you for anything, I'm just tired" she answered slowly and could feel her friend watching her. "I was going to call you tomorrow but just wanted to come home and crash. Keep in mind" she said as the porch lights went on. "While you all were hanging around I was breaking out of the SGC, hiding from the military, flying to Washington, meeting with Colonel Maybourne and then back to Colorado Springs and breaking back in before fighting aliens." 

Pausing to catch her breath she motioned to a chair for Janet, "All of this after our water logged mission to PT4 whatever it was" she said slowly. "I just need some time Janet, that's all." 

"Are you sure that's all Sam. You're not hiding anything from me?" Janet tried but gave up hope knowing Sam wasn't going to tell her anything. "Least I can go is say what it was I came here to say. Actually I pretty much just came to apologize. To say I'm sorry. What was done to everyone I know, I was aware as the alien accessed my mind, I saw through its eyes. Just sorry." Janet placed her still unopened water bottle on the table, "I'll let you get some rest. Talk to you later." And Janet began to move back into the house and out the front door towards her car. 

~Oh that's great, she had to witness what she did and if she finds out about it some other way~ the woman thought and sat her water down, "JANET WAIT" she said hurrying, as much as she could after her. "JANET" she hollered again. 

Janet just kept walking towards her car deep in thought and unaware to Sam calling her. She still had a few houses to pass before she reached her car and the night air was starting to get a little chilly. So pulling her jacket tighter around her body as she continued to walk. 

"DAMN" Sam said seeing her retreating form. There was no way she could catch her unless... 

Lowering her head she shook it and started to run up and through yards on the other side of the hedge. Her butt aching more and more and she would cry out in pain only it would alert her friend something was wrong. Coming to where she though Janet was she quickly diverted and jumped over the hedge but was she close enough for Janet to see her was the question. 

Janet was startled out of her thoughts as something or more like someone had jumped out in front of her from behind the hedge. At first she couldn't focus and the figure was a blur so she started to inch her way backwards from her attacker. 

"Whoa..." came Sam's voice, "Janet...it's...it's me" she said trying to control her breathing, the little woman had been faster than she thought and it was farther than it looked. 

Janet stopped when she recognized the voice and that it was her name that was called. "Sam, what are you doing? Go back home and get some sleep," Janet said wanting to step pass Sam and get to her car. 

Straightening up and the throb in her butt a steady presence she reached out and grabbed Janet's arm, "No....No. Stay Janet, at the house. You said earlier that Cass was staying away for the weekend, stay at my place" she said, the pleading though she didn't know it was in her eyes. 

~Carter are you nuts? How are you going to keep your pain in the ass a secret with the super doc from hell in the house? ~ 

"Sam, I can't. I just came to apologize, that's all. Now go get some rest," Janet said trying not to sound like she was blowing Sam off. 

Grinding her teeth together against the pain Carter shook her head not letting her arm go, "Janet please, as my friend stay. I ...I probably shouldn't be alone after all that happened. Please" she asked again. 

Janet just hung her head and said, "I don't have any clothes anyway. So I have to go home." Janet was still kind of trying to get out of staying not sure it was wise to be around people when she felt emotionally crappy. 

"You can borrow some of mine tonight" she said grateful her friend hadn't seen the grimace and smiled. "Come on, I haven't eaten yet Janet and if you don't stay I'll just gorge on junk food and then be up all night with a belly ache, you'd be saving me all that pain see? We can go by your place tomorrow and pick up some stuff, you may still have an outfit or two over here in the laundry room as it is" Sam said trying to convince her friend. 

Janet just threw her free arm up in the arm. "Fine, I'm not in the mood to argue." 

"Good" she said proudly and let her arm go. "You want to go move your car while I go back to the house a little more slowly this time?" 

"Sure." Was all that Janet said as she moved away and climbed into the drivers seat? Sam was almost to the house by the time Janet had parked and collected herself enough to where she felt somewhat comfortable to be in Sam's presents. 

"Was just taking my time" Carter said and motioned Janet in. "Soup and salads sound ok? Unless you wanted something else," she asked her best friend moving into the kitchen, trying not to let the pain radiating through her body steer her at the moment. 

"That's fine with me. Is there anything I could do to help?" Janet asked not wanting to be a useless guest. 

"Sure" Carter called out, "You can open the cans for the soup, the salad is in a bag" she joked laughing. "Oh and grab my water off the porch would you, I think I left it out there." 

"OK," Janet said as she headed towards the back porch for their bottled waters. She returned and placed them on the counter as she moved to open the cans of soup. She moved past Sam to grab a pot to heat the soup in. With the soup now on the stove and Sam taking care of the salad Janet just leaned on the counter deep in thought. 

Glancing over at her friend Sam finished the salads and went to lean beside Janet, the woman was in pain and it was up to her to try to fix it. Making sure only her uninjured cheek was leaning she sighed, "Janet I know you blame yourself for what happened but it wasn't you. Everyone understands that, I don't blame you, Teal'c doesn't blame you but I know you do. Please" she said concerned. 

"Tell me what I can do to make this easier for you? You're my best friend in the whole universe Janet, I only want to help." 

"I don't think anyone cold make this easier unless you can erase the event from history and keep it from happening. But that's not an option. I know everyone doesn't blame me but it was my medical knowledge that the aliens used against everyone. So in a way it was me," Janet ended softly. 

"No it wasn't," she stressed with determination. "Janet listen to me" she said straightening up and stepped in front of the woman. "IT wasn't you, not in mind or body. It was knowledge, learned knowledge that anyone can learn but what makes a doctor a doctor is how he or she uses it. You are a doctor Janet, a damned good one. The alien used the knowledge that you had acquired, not the doctor that you are and NOT how you are now. You're my friend, family and my doctor so what do you say you lean over here, give me a hug and you can keep an eye on the soup and I'll go dig up some plants in the dark" she asked with a smile. 

Janet just gave Sam a slight smile. "I'll watch the soup. Go play in the dirt but you better wash up when dinners ready," Janet said light heartedly. 

"Yes mom" she joked but then didn't move, it felt like her ass was on fire at this point and smiled, though forced, "I'm not going anywhere without my hug though Janet." 

Janet just shook her head and gave Sam a loose hug. "You are getting addicted to those. Maybe I should cut off your supply," Janet said with a playful swat at Sam's butt. 

That was all it took to make Carter inhale sharply and step back to turn away as she winced, the tears spilling down her face. She bent over at the waist trying to get her breath; the easy swat had felt like a jackhammer was loose in her shorts. ~Damn, damn, damn~ she thought. 

Janet was surprised and concerned by how Sam reacted and instinctively new something was wrong. She took a step closer to Sam laying her hand on her back and rubbing it in a soothing motion. "Sam? I'm sorry I didn't know you were hurt. Why didn't you tell me?" Hurt showing a little in her voice. 

Breathing coming easier at the moment Sam shook her blond head, "Not hurt...well not really" she said straightening up slightly. "It's nothing Janet and I didn't tell you because I didn't want to bother you for nothing." 

"Sam, how many times have I told you it's not a bother? Even if its something as simple as a sliver. Now tell me what is wrong?" Janet demanded. 

Sighing the woman shook her head, "Janet it's just a bruise, honest" she stated with a smile. "You just surprised me, that's all. I'm fine now," she said wanting the whole incident to go away. "The soup is boiling." 

Truthfully it felt like something was in there, moving around and digging into her every time she even breathed let alone moved, if she hadn't had to comfort Janet tonight Sam knew she'd have already been in bed on her stomach and would stay there until it stopped or someone shot her, whichever happened first. 

Janet left Sam's side not willingly to attend to the soup. She scooped portions into bowls for each of them and placed them at the table, then went to retrieve the spoons and salads. "Sam just promise me that if it isn't better tomorrow you will tell me so I can take a look." Janet tried, once again by Sam's side. 

Carter smiled and nodded, "Ok Janet, whatever you want I promise" she said moving slowly and stopped, damn that hurt and sitting down at the table was definitely out if her memories of the car were any indication. "I don't suppose you have a really, and I mean a REALLY strong painkiller handy do you Janet?" 

That would tell the woman how bad the pain was, Sam rarely if ever asked for medication because of her protein marker from Jolinar it made medicating her very difficult and tricky but Janet had it down to a science, it's why she was the only physician in the world qualified to treat the astrophysicist. 

"Yeah give me a second, it's in the medical bag in the car. I'll get it," Janet said as she moved to the door and out. She went to her car retrieving her medical bag that was always kept in the trunk. Once in hand Janet returned to the house and placed it on the counter. Janet fished out a pain pill and filled a glass of water. 

"I want you to eat some soup first. Its pretty strong and not good to take on an empty stomach," Janet advised. 

"The eating isn't the problem" she admitted going over to the table and picked up the bowl. She had half of it gone before Janet could talk and sat it down holding her hand out for the pill, "Bless you, is this going to make me sleepy or not?" 

"Yes it will make you sleepy. Now off to bed with you," Janet said as she made a shooing motion at Sam once she finished taking the pills. "And now I know it's more than a bruise so stop being a pain in the ass and let me take a look. And before you start to argue it's not that bad, Sam, stop and think of what you just asked for. You rarely ask for pain medication," Janet stated in her doctors voice. 

"Well you didn't have to give it to me" she said pouting but headed toward the stairs and stared at them putting a hand on the railing, "I think" she said the throb still steady at the moment, "I may need a little help here Janet." 

"Sure," Janet said as she moved to get her medical bag and then was next to Sam and helped her up the stairs. Once on the top she guided Sam to her room and instructed her to drop her pants and lie on the bed so that she could examine the problem. 

"Uh" the blond haired Major said looking around innocently. "Is there an option two here Janet or even an option three?" 

"Sam the problem is your ass, so no there really isn't another option. Just lower you pant enough so that I can see the problem. That would be fine," Janet said waiting for Sam to move. "Need I remind you that I have seen you fully unclothed during your physicals," Janet said playfully. 

~That is so NOT the image you want to remind me of right now~ Carter thought quickly and realized she was getting hot but not because she was feverish. She was also getting a little lightheaded and had to remind herself that this wasn't like last time. 

As she started to unbuckle her pants so she could lower them and her underwear she kept repeating over and over in her mind that this wasn't the Infirmary, Janet wasn't an alien and she wasn't going to hurt her. 

Taking a deep breath she yanked her pants and underwear down and then turned and laid on the bed, burying her face in her hands to hide the embarrassment and the fear, silly fear but it was there. 

When Sam had removed her pants and laid on the bed Janet moved to examine the area. She could clearly see where the problem lay. Sam has a nasty bruise but on top of it there was an infection and inflammation, which is why it hurt so much. Janet donned a pair of gloves from her medical bag that she had retrieved from downstairs while Sam finally complied with her requests, "Sam I need to put a little pressure around the area. This is going to hurt but I need to feel to see if the tip of the needle could have broken off." 

Janet began to push here and there around the affected area and flinched every time Sam took in a sharp breath cause of the pain. "Ok Sam, I don't feel anything under the skin. It looks like its just bruised and an infection set in which is causing inflammation. I'm going to give you a shot of antibiotics and also something for the inflammation," Janet said waiting for Sam's response. 

"No" came her mumbled response, the painkiller, her own exhaustion and fear making her weak and tired. 

Janet stopped upon hearing Sam's protest. "Sam, this is going to make you feel better. Why not?" Janet asked. 

"No....No shots" she said softly through the choked sobs now, the pent up emotion she had felt over the entire situation finally gaining up on her. 

Janet set the needle aside and moved up to sit near Sam's head. She stroked the blonde locks while she spoke, "Sam it needs to be a shot. Antibiotic pills are not going to be strong enough. Why?" She asked again. 

Painfully Sam turned over on her side, her uninjured one and moved her head into Janet's lap, her brow furrowed with the easy look of the pain medication working, "Janet" she said tiredly and wiped her eyes, it was clear she wasn't going to be conscious long, "I ...I know in my heart...wasn't you but still can't help thinking about...last time" she said softly. 

"She had your face, your eyes" she said searching Janet's face but saw something in them she hadn't seen in the alien as her eyes drifted closed, "Do...what you...think best Janet. Mmm...trust you," she said pressing her head heavily more into the woman's lap. 

"Would you be more comfortable if you could see me giving you the shot? If it was in a different location?" Janet tried not wanting to push her friend and feeling a new sense of guilt over what happened. 

Using the last of her strength the woman opened her blue eyes and settled them on Janet's. Gently she reached up to cup the woman's cheek tenderly and smiled, "Trust you Janet, you won't hurt me," she whispered. "Love you," she mumbled and then her hand drifted down and she was asleep. 

Janet ran her hand through Sam's hair a final time before leaning forward and placing a soft kiss on her temple. "I love you to," was whispered into Sam's ear. Janet then moved herself out from under Sam and went back to administering the medications. With Sam now asleep there shouldn't be any problem with administering the shots. 

Once that was done Janet removed Sam's boots and pants completely. Placed a blanket over her sleeping form and placed a pillow under her head. With Sam asleep she grabbed her bag and placed it in the guest room. She went back downstairs to clean up what was left of dinner and being she was no longer hungry she just dumped all the soup. Once the kitchen and everything was clean Janet too retired for the night. Changing into a pair of shorts and a large shirt of Sam's she crawled into bed to sleep. 

It was early morning and Janet noticed the firsts rays of light chasing away the darkness. She had yet to fall asleep, all she could do was lie there in a fetal position crying. 

Thanks to the medications that Janet had given her the night before Sam Carter awoke feeling refreshed and her butt was only a minor ache. Sitting up she noticed her boots and pants had been removed and smiled, her friend had taken care of her again. 

Sam couldn't count the number of times that Janet had done that for her but now that she was up she wanted to check on the woman before going down to start breakfast, it was after all just a little after five am and she wanted to give her best friend breakfast in bed if she could. 

Donning a pair of pajama bottoms until she got a shower Carter headed out toward the guest bedroom and saw Janet lying in bed but she appeared to be awake, "Janet" came the woman's whispered voice, if she wasn't awake it wasn't loud enough to wake her. 

Janet was still in a fetal position, the door on the wall that her feet where pointing too which is where Sam now stood. When she heard her name she didn't move, didn't want Sam to see her this way. So she just steadied her breathing and closed her eyes, hoping Sam wouldn't come any closer. 

For a long moment the Air Force Major watched her friend and colleague and at first thought she maybe asleep but then heard the change in the breathing, it was trying to steady and the position, once studied, Sam knew too well. She had often adopted it when she was upset. 

Slowly she crept into the room and sat down gently beside her friend, putting a hand on her back and rubbed it lightly, at least she could sit now thanks to her friend's ministrations last night, "Janet" she whispered, "I know you aren't asleep. Please, won't you look at me?" 

Janet just cursed herself under her breath. She couldn't handle this right now, seeing the pain in Sam's eyes last night was too much and to see it again this morning even if it was somewhat hidden she new it was there and it was still overwhelming. 

Janet stiffened a little when Sam's hand found her back but unable to find the right words to say Janet just shook her head with a soft "No" to follow. 

Sighing Carter nodded and then silently stood up and laid down beside Janet, holding her tightly in a friendly embrace, "I can't make you talk to me but I sure as hell am not going to leave you alone while you blame yourself" she said her voice choked lightly. 

"You wouldn't give up on me last night Janet and I'm not giving up on you today" she said squeezing her tightly. "I told you last night" she said softly, "That I loved you and I meant it," she answered with determination. "Nothing you could do or could have done is going to change that. You're stuck with me I'm afraid" she said and raised her head enough to kiss Janet's covered shoulder in a friendly gesture and then laid back down in the early morning light with her friend. 

Janet still had yet to relax; being so close to Sam is something she didn't deserve right now. "Me not giving up on you last was different, you were hurt and I'm a doctor so its my job to fix it," Janet said her voice flat, carrying no emotion at all. 

She was trying to shut down to protect herself and Sam but when Sam's added her feelings that she loved her Janet couldn't fight it anymore and the tears began to flow freely. 

Sensing the tears Carter pressing herself tightly to her friend, holding her as if the very embrace would stave off the increasing emotions. She couldn't say anything to make it better and they both knew it, but as Janet's friend she wasn't going to try to fix it only be there and understand. "It's ok Janet" she said rubbing her arm gently now, "Shhh....just let it go, it's going to be ok" she promised, her own tears close to the surface and she cried along with her best friend. "I love you Janet," she whispered again, almost too soft to be heard over the sobs. 

Through her sobs Janet's choked voice could barely be heard, "No you don't Sam. I don't deserve it, I don't deserve this or you." 

Leaning up on her elbow Sam used her strength to turn Janet over onto her back, the tear streaked eyes meeting the woman's, "You listen to me Janet, I may not be the world's smartest person" she said softly and reached up to touch the woman's face gently. 

"But you're my best friend, family who is beautiful, intelligent, compassionate, dedicated, determined, and loving just to name a few of your qualities. Whether you accept it not," she said never wavering looking at her friend, "I do love you, in those terms and...." she paused and almost said too much. "And I'm not going to let you beat yourself up over this. You've always been there when I needed you and I am damn well counting on you too be again. You've got my friendship Janet, my love no matter what you do with it and what happened last night just proves how different you were from that damned alien impersonating you." 

Janet didn't know what to say; she didn't think there was a response that conveyed how much Sam meant to her. So she just acted instead, reaching out and pulling Sam to her in a hug all the while still crying just a little hard now from the words Sam had spoken. 

Grateful to see her friend reacting and feeling her own pulse and other responses picking up at the closeness she just let her self melt into her friend and held her, crying along with her, "It's ok Janet" she whispered as an afterthought, "I'm here and I'm not going anywhere." 

 

Flashback To Urgo 

 

Infirmary

Waiting for her turn for the MRI so she could go home and crash Major Sam Carter was never so grateful for the quiet sounds of the Infirmary. She had let the other guys go first so they'd leave and she could enjoy blissful silence. Urgo had talked non-stop, he wouldn't shut up and if she could have she would have hit him and hard at that but she couldn't and hadn't which meant they had tried anything...ANYTHING to get the annoying little so and so to shut up but all it did was make him ask more questions. 

Being a scientist Sam was of course fascinated by the technology but as someone that listened to this guy for days before they finally went back to the planet and got rid of him though they had no clear memory of that. She didn't care, truthfully, at this moment why it happened just that it did. Wherever Urgo was it wasn't with her; pestering her mind and she was GRATEFUL for that. If she had to live with him all the time it would have been time to seriously consider a lobotomy; or something worse. Damn it felt good not to have his annoying voice in her head or seeing his fat butt in her face wanting to play. 

Janet had just started Sam's MRI and as she was moved into the machine all Janet could do was wait and hope nothing serious happened as a result of this whole Urgo situation. At least now SG1 didn't hear any voices in their heads so people would stop thinking they were crazy, at least that they actually were. Speculation would always be there. 

After coming out of the MRI she sat up tiredly to go back to the Infirmary and heard Janet come in telling her it would be about half an hour or so until the results were back and until then to not leave the mountain but she could go back to her quarters, "Actually" Sam said standing up in the Infirmary scrubs, "Would you mind if I walked back with you? I can just crash on one of the Infirmary beds and you can wake me when I can go home if that's all right Janet?" 

Agreeing with Sam's request Janet said softly, "Sure and I'll even let you change into your civies." Janet began to lead the way at a slow pass since she knew Sam was tired. 

"Just keep the noise down and the civies don't matter" she admitted and sighed. "God Janet" Sam said keeping pace with her. "You have no idea how annoying Urgo was, I mean imagine yourself with Colonel O'Neil in your ear twenty-four hours a day for just a couple days, always trying to distract you, making inappropriate suggestions" she said thinking about what the program had said in relation to she and Janet and shook her head. 

"I'm telling you if we hadn't gotten rid of him someone was going to do a lobotomy on my head to get him out" she joked but with a hint of seriousness. 

"You forget Sam that the Colonel spend a lot of time in my infirmary so I do know what its like listening to him for two or more days straight. Trust me there are time when even I want to say to hell with the doctors oath and just want to choke him," Janet said continuing the humor when she was reminded of something. 

"By the way what did Urgo say when you told him that he said was rude when I was talking with the General?" Janet asked turning a questioning glance in her friend's direction. 

"Nothing he should have that's for sure" Carter told her friend as they rounded a corner near the Infirmary. "Nothing important Janet, just your typical Urgo running his mouth stuff. So what are you plans for the weekend or are you off? Oh you're still taking Cassie out in a rowboat aren't you?" 

"Yea Cassie has been bugging me for weeks to take her out, ever since she went out with you that's all she has been talking about. See what you have started!" Janet stated then added, "Why don't you come out with us? It would be nice having you around." 

~Now Janet remember your just friends nothing more, ~ she mentally told herself. 

A smile spread across Sam's face as they arrived at the Infirmary, "I'd love to, as long as my doctor is going to let me out of the dungeon by then" she joked with the woman elbowing her lightly. 

"You better behave after all I am your doctor and have access to lots and lots of big needles," Janet said playfully then paled as she realized what she said. 

"I'm sorry Sam, I didn't mean," but she just stopped speaking and mentally began to yell at herself for her carelessness. 

But instead of being upset Sam just laughed and leaned over to hug Janet, "Ok, you're obviously getting old, you think I'm Colonel O'Neil and that frightens me" she admitted and then pulled back remembering where that was. 

"I'm going to go crash and slobber on one of your gurneys here. Just wake me when you have my get out of Infirmary free card or let me sleep, either way I'll wake up eventually or will have made a mess on your gurney and that will wake me up" she joked. "Unless you are up to the let's tuck Sam in nice and comfy challenge that is?" 

Janet still in a playful mood just shoved Sam in the direction of the gurney in the corner so she could have some privacy and quiet. She followed her, perhaps planning on tucking her in, she really wasn't sure. But once they were out of earshot of her nurses Janet softly spoke, "I could never confuse you with the Colonel, for one thing you're way too smart for your own good and two you have a cuter ass." Janet finished with a wink at her friend. 

Sam Carter stared at her friend a moment, thinking perhaps she hadn't hurt her right and the assuming she was joking she nodded hopping on the gurney and lying down, "You are only saying that because you want Cassie and I to do all the work this weekend while you lounge out in the boat and I'm here to tell you if any of us is lounging it's me" she said seriously and lifted her head with a smile. 

"Fluff please and then a blanket since you're my slave while I'm here Janet dear" she answered playfully. 

"Here's your pillow," Janet said as she threw it at Sam. "Slave my ass and if anyone should sit back and relax in the boat it is me after all I'm the one constantly taking care of you for one thing or another," Janet said exaggeratedly. 

"And you love every minute of it and you know it" Sam said good naturedly as she put the pillow behind her head and smiled. "Night Janet and try to hold the noise down because if you wake me up you're going to get it" she said trying to look serious and failed miserable. 

"Oh and tell your staff not to even come near me with one tube or you're going to get it too" she finished and then giggled. 

"Empty threats Sam, that's all they are," Janet said. Shaking her head she began to head off to do some paper work. "Night." 

"You forgot to cover me up and tuck me in" Carter groused and crossed her arms sitting up like a little kid which she noticed got smirks and laughs from the Infirmary staff. 

That was one thing she had to credit Janet for, a few years ago she never would have been so openly playful with anyone but the doctor had totally put her at ease, she usually do and she felt she could be silly and it would be all right. 

"Geeze you are such a baby," Janet said as she came over and tucked Sam in. "Now if you're a good little girl while you're here and your tests come back fine then I may just let you go," Janet said talking to Sam like she was a child. 

"Oh and by the way don't think I have forgotten. I still want to know what Urgo said that was so rude." Janet then turned and went to finish her paper work. 

 

Flashback To A Hundred Days 

 

Top Of The Mountain

Throughout her life Samantha Carter knew what exhaustion was though she was used to it having some purpose, some miracle happening at least someone saying thank you but she had been up a lot longer than she should have been over the last one hundred days. She'd argued, hid, fought, and twisted her best friend to get her to let her get away with more than she ever should have and in the end it had been worth it; they had built the particle acceleration canon; something that last year; hell four months ago she would have told anyone was impossible to build and she had done it. They had performed, no she had performed, another miracle and gotten Colonel O'Neil home and what had he done? He never even said thank you. 

They'd gotten him back, damn near killing herself in the bargain and he hadn't even said thanks and acted like she had done him a disservice by doing what she did. Teal'c had risked his life to get to the man and last she heard he hadn't told her thank you either. Pulling her legs up tighter around her the woman felt the rain falling and hunkered over more fully into her coat as she sat on top of the mountain. Looking up she felt the water hit her in the face and it served to wake her up that she had to admit was a challenge at the moment. 

Carter's mind drifted back to Janet; she'd been so supportive, understanding and insistent during the days she had worked to build the canon. She'd brought her food, made sure she got what little rest she did and insisted she go outside the mountain once in a while, which Sam didn't do often. They had fought a lot over how she was pushing herself but it didn't matter at the time; she had to save the day. After they had gotten back from Edora last time she'd found herself on the angry end of the small woman's temper, she'd wanted to haul her down to the Infirmary for an IV to balance out her fluids, make her rest for several hours or days depending on the outlook but Sam had refused and simply left to come and sit in the rain on top of Cheyenne Mountain. 

Janet knew where Sam had gone, after all Sam did share her secret place. So Janet grabbed her coat and went to support her friend after all that's what she does. 

Janet quietly climbed up the mountain and walked to Sam's position and sat behind her on the only piece of ground either not covered with mud or rocks. 

"Hey," she said quietly. "You OK?" 

"You wouldn't believe yes, besides" she said lowering her head lightly, "It would be a lie anyway and I'd prefer not to lie to you Janet." "Thank you Sam," Janet said and scooted a little closer to Sam so she could lean forward and hug her from behind while resting her head on Sam's wet back. "For what it matters, the Colonel is being an ass. He has no reason to treat you the way he is, after all you put yourself at risk to bring him back," Janet said. 

Relaxing into Janet's embrace the woman sighed and shook her wet head, "I know it shouldn't bother me Janet but it does," she said thinking hard then. "We all put ourselves at risk everyday and I would have likely done the same for anyone but would it have killed him to at least say a simple thank you" she inquired. 

"I also can't help but wonder if maybe the whole friendship thing I have, or had depending on your outlook" Sam began a little sadly, "Was just a ruse? I don't think a friend would treat me the way he did, after all building something like the particle accelerator canon wasn't exactly something I did in a day. You have no idea the headaches, the backaches, or the just feeling of dread every time I thought about it. It wasn't even supposed to be possible." 

"Gee thanks Sam," Janet said as she brought a hand up to wipe the water off her face that Sam had flung on her. "And no it would not have killed him, but you also have to remember that the Colonel doesn't feel things as deeply as we do. Though it's no way of justifying what he is doing, it's the truth." 

Janet tightened her arms around Sam pulling them even closer together. "There is nothing I can say that will help you with what is going on with the friendship or lack there of. All I can do is listen while you talk about it and comfort you as best I can. And at least you will always have my friendship if everything becomes worst for wear," Janet said lowering her head and softly kissing Sam on the back of the neck. 

Feeling the kiss Sam actually had to smile, she'd love to know how Janet did it. The woman could find her at the lowest point in her life and she knew just what to say to make it better, almost as if by magic. Looking up into the rain clouds as the water pounded them she was beginning to think her friend, what she hoped would someday be more though Sam knew that was a nice fantasy, could cure a rainy day. 

Turning slightly and pulling away from Janet she faced her in the rain and leaned over kissing her cheek, "If not for you I wouldn't have even survived or been able to do build the canon or so many other things" she admitted slowly meeting the woman's maple eyes deeply. 

"I don't deserve all that you do for me Janet but I do thank you for it anyway" she finished and kissed the cheek again. 

Janet's heart was a flutter as Sam leaned closer and kissed her cheek. How she wished she would be kissing her someplace else, well there were a few placed at the top of the list. "Sam, what I do for you I do because I care and because I love you," Janet told her honestly. 

"Besides I think we were meant for each other. I help you and you help me. We are on equal levels with our passion, our intelligence and beauty." Janet finished. "Why don't we head inside and out of the rain before we both wind up with a cold or something worse?" 

Smiling the Major nodded and stood up holding her wet hand out to Janet with a nod, "You just want to haul me back to the Infirmary and hook me up to that darned IV and sedate me into next week and we both know it Janet" she said though it was clear she was touched by the woman's concern, not angry at it. 

"I'll make a deal with you, if you spend some time at the house, staying with me and Cassie where I can keep an eye on you. Plus know that you are eating properly; I won't give you the IV and make you stay in the infirmary. Deal?" Janet said as she took the offered hand and stood up. 

A wide grin crossed the woman's face and she nodded squeezing Fraiser's hand, "Now I know I'm having an affect on your Janet, you're loosing some of that Colonel power monger side he talks about. Don't know what he means personally," she said turning to lead her friend, her doctor and the woman who was like her sister at this point back inside out of the rain. 

 

Flashback To Crystal Skull 

 

Carter Residence

Standing in her house staring out at the rain that pounded down Sam Carter shook her head at the irony about what had happened. Daniel had been there; just re-phased, the entire time the team had wondered where he had been, not that she had been that much help at first. According to Janet, dear, sweet, beautiful Janet...~Stop it Carter; you can't be thinking that~ she interrupted herself and sighed. 

At Hammond's insistence all of SG-1 was on three days downtime and with Cassie away at a school camp for the night her best friend had insisted on either having Carter over to her place so she could take care of her or of coming over to hers and finally she had agreed to have Janet over to her place. That was why Sam was staring out the window, her friend was making dinner; something healthy she had insisted and basically run her out of the kitchen saying she was recovering and that didn't mean helping cook or clean up. 

With dinner finally finished and on the table Janet went in search of her friend. Seeing her staring out the window Janet softly walked up behind her and laid a hand on her back in a soothing gesture. 

"Penny for your thoughts?" Janet asked. 

Glancing over her shoulder the woman just shrugged lightly, "That maybe too much to pay for my thoughts Janet" she admitted tiredly and shook her head staring into the night. "I don't know, just thinking about the fact that Daniel was there the entire time and we simply couldn't see him. That I, like everyone else, felt the skull was the answer when the truth was it was only the catalyst for the aliens we encountered. I guess I'm just confused" she admitted slowly, "If you can believe that, the great Sam Carter confused about something." 

"Well damn, it's about time you joined the rest of use for once, " Janet said playfully. "Lets mark it on the calendar. Come on lets eat," Janet said as she led the way to the table. 

Following her friend Sam sighed, it looked and smelled beautiful but her stomach was a little iffy right now so that was why she had been sipping on water. She suspected it was the last effects of the Muon radiation but hadn't said anything figuring it would pass, "It smells wonderful Janet but would you believe I'm actually not very hungry?" 

"No I don't but I will put the food in the oven to keep it warm for later. Lets sit in the living room and talk. Shall we?" Janet asked. 

Carter offered a genuine smile and nodded slowly, "Sure, sounds good. Thanks Janet, for understanding" she said softly and winked. 

Present Time

Medical Lab Three

The two women laughed as they stood up from the microscopes they were now again looking into, at some type of single celled something's that were dead set on annoying the hell out of them. Sam Carter shook her head as her back cracked when she stood up, "Ok, I've had it. I have to move around a little bit here Janet or my doctor is going to have my head at my pre-mission check up day after tomorrow" she said with a wink to the woman and walked over kissing her cheek tenderly. "Or she could be nice and offer to take me somewhere and give me a massage; just no needles like last time. I'm beginning to wonder if Colonel O'Neil isn't right about you an those things." 

Suddenly she paused and snapped her fingers, "Hey why don't we have a girl's night out tonight? We both don't have to be in until tomorrow afternoon anyway and Cassie is staying with Jennifer right? We could chat, watch movies; I'll even let you talk me into making homemade margaritas like last time though no ice cream with them; it didn't turn out well last time Janet." 

"OK, its sound like a date," Janet said and stood up herself. "And a doctor has to use whatever is available. In my case I just have lots and lots of big needles stocked up in storage," she added with a wink. 

"Let lock up here, we can stop by your quarters so you can get your over night bag and I'll drive us both home for our night of fun." 

"Oooh..." the woman joked with a wink as she leaned over to shut down her computer. "You're even offering to drive it must be special. Of course try not to run me off the road like last time all right" she asked though she was joking it was fun to pick on Janet. 

 

Flashback To Upgrades 

 

Infirmary

Sitting in the Infirmary after the whole Anise/armband fiasco Major Samantha Carter knew when she had walked in and saw Janet's eyes on all of them she was in for it. While they had all acted like buttheads with the small woman and ignored her medical advice the fact was because of their friendship/family feelings that what Sam had done by ignoring her would hit at the very core of the small woman. Of course everyone cringed when Janet had said full physicals for all of them and she had to wonder why she was left until last, she'd heard the smart comments coming from the others; minus Teal'c. 

As blood was drawn, DRE's done, x-rays, and MRI's and every other test her best friend could think she had listened to Colonel O'Neil's comments about needles or Daniel's trying to flash his baby blues at the doctor to get ouf of some of the invasive tests but it hadn't worked and Sam knew it wasn't likely to work on her either. Truthfully she was tired but otherwise felt good; a little sore in the arms and legs perhaps but nothing that she wasn't used to when she pushed herself running or something. 

Janet had just finished with Daniel who was beginning to try her patience. Now finished she moved on to her next and final patient. This was to going to be fun; Janet had to constantly keep telling herself to be detached and to keep her anger under control. 

She opened the exam room curtain to find Sam sitting on the exam bed swinging her legs back and forth. 

"So Major Carter, How are you feeling? And the truth please," Janet bit out fighting with herself to keep her anger at bay. 

Watching her best friend move around the room Sam nodded to herself more than anyone else, ~Oh man when she calls me Major, she's mad, really mad~ she thought and offered a smile. 

"A lot tired Janet, my arms and legs are sore I guess from all the exertion but not too bad. How are you?" she asked hoping to keep her own defenses down and thereby relax her friend slightly. 

She'd acted like an ass with Janet, they all had. The woman was responsible for their health and in the end they had outright ignored her, dismissed her and Sam herself had dismissed her privately when she came to her lab trying to get her help. "I'm sorry Janet if it helps" she said verbally. 

"I couldn't tell you how I am. There hasn't been time for me to pay attention to less important things," Janet said flatly. "And saying sorry doesn't help a whole hell of a lot, but I guess I should say thank you." 

Janet continued to finish with the tests she needed to run, she had already drawn the needed blood and listened to her breathe. 

Carter silently endured the exams, even the ones she didn't like and sat up when Janet had finished and stepped back offering a smile, "I never liked those particular exams Janet but you make it easier at least, thank you for that" she admitted slowly. "Listen when you're done, can we talk? Alone, maybe in your office?" 

"I like to have my patients comfortable with the tests, they usually go easier but with some patients like the Colonel or Daniel nothing could help." Janet sighed, 'I'm not sure Sam. Is there something we need to discuss?" 

"I'd like to think so yes" the blue-eyed woman admitted and lowered her head lightly before she looked up at Janet. She could see the hurt, the disbelief in her eyes and felt like crap because of it. "Janet I'm sorry, really sorry. The others and I were totally disrespectful of not only you as our doctor but as our friend. I know what I did had to have hurt doubly hard and I just want you to know that if there is anything I can do to make it up to you that I'll gladly do it. I'd never hurt you on purpose Janet" she said softly. "I hope you knew or know that." 

Janet just looked Sam in the eyes, a hard cold expression on her face. When Sam said she would do anything she wanted Janet's mind went to a place it shouldn't have. Thank god Sam couldn't hear her thoughts, she would not only be embarrassed but Sam would be really pissed and disgusted with her. After all one wasn't suppose to have those sorts of thoughts for their best friend. 

Janet really didn't want to have this talk but she wanted it to be in the exam room even less. "I'll be in my office, when you are finished changing we can have your talk there," she said leaving Sam alone in the room. 

Janet had made it too her office still relatively keeping her emotions in check. Now she sat behind her desk in her chair her jaw set waiting for Sam. 

Seconds later the woman entered, changed from the Infirmary uniform to her regular clean uniform and nodded to her friend as she took a seat and shifted then noticed the small cup with two white pills and a glass of water on the desk on her side, "You want me to take those Janet?" 

"No those are for me," Janet said her voice cold and unfriendly. 

"Then they are on the wrong side," Sam said with a smile, she hoped disarming and without asking what they were she picked them up with the water downing them. Hopefully her friend would see the gesture for what it was, that she trusted her. 

"I wish I could say the armbands made me an ass and maybe they did" Sam began setting the water down, "But truthfully I hurt you Janet, I know I did and I'd rather have died than live with the knowledge that I did that. I saw what I was doing, whether alien influence or not, and I hurt you anyway. I can't ever expect or will ask you to forgive me for that" she said shaking her head. 

"You know" she continued, "You amaze me sometimes. A lot of lesser people wouldn't even talk to me, wouldn't give a damn how I was feeling Janet but you are and do and to be honest I sure as heck don't deserve it after what I did." 

"Sam, what the hell is wrong with you? Taking pills that you have no idea as to what they are. Your damn lucky those were just aspirin. That was a stupid thing to do," Janet yelled blowing up at Sam. "What do you want from me? What are you expecting? Cause I sure as hell don't know anymore." Janet threw her arms in the air. "And your right you did hurt me," she said matter of factly. 

"If they were going to hurt me Janet then you wouldn't have had them over here" Sam said matter of factly. "I know I didn't act like it, hell maybe I never do but I trust your opinions, period. I sure don't say it enough like I'm supposed to" she answered dejected. 

"Don't feel sorry for me Janet, get angry with me because I was a complete asshole not to put too fine a point on it. If I could and I thought you'd do it" she said seriously, "I'd have you knock me on my ass, hell maybe bash my hard assed head into a wall." 

"The fact that they weren't harmful is beside the point," Janet yelled. 

"You constantly say your trust my opinions but your actions prove otherwise." Janet was so furious she was seeing red. She abruptly stood up and walked to the back wall placing her hands upon the smooth cool surface. Keeping her back towards Sam for her anger just kept growing. 

Sighing Sam stood up but didn't approach her friend, her doctor and stiffened slowly despite the weariness, "You're right Janet, they don't. And truthfully they likely never will in the future" she admitted. 

"I don't like to admit I'm sick, that I'm impervious but I suspect you know that because despite it all you know me better than anyone and I know you" Sam said never taking her eyes off Sam's back. 

"Hit me Janet" she said moving to step around the desk. "Just once, you won't permanently hurt me but you'll feel better." 

"Damn it Sam. I am not going to hit you," Janet yelled. 

"Yes" she said reaching out and put her hand heavily on Janet's shoulder, knowing the reaction in rage she'd get, "You are." 

Things seemed to move in slow motion to Sam but she felt the fist hit her jaw and immediately stepped back, it hurt like an SOB and she knew Janet would feel guilty for hitting her but guilt they could deal with. The emotions she had about what Sam and the others had done; if not dealt with would only get worse and perhaps one day kill the friendship a relationship that the blond haired woman wanted and needed. 

She could have ducked Janet's blow easily but she didn't and touched her lip, the blood from the split lip on her hand and she nodded approvingly, "Good Janet, very good. Want to hit me again" she asked with a bit of a smile. "And before you say you are guilty keep in mind I provoked it by touching you and I knew I would, you have a tissue handy" Sam asked, she actually sounded happy. 

"No, I don't want to hit you again. I really didn't want to hit you the first time," Janet said gesturing towards her desk. "The tissue is in the top draw on the right. Sam this still doesn't solve anything. Going around hitting people isn't the answer." Janet's legs couldn't stand anymore and she slid down the wall, the emotional exhaustion she had been facing during this whole situation finally catching up to her. 

No longer paying attention to her split lip or her aching jaw Carter walked over and slid down beside Janet and put her arm protectively around her, "It doesn't solve anything but look at it this way" she said proudly and with a smile. "You got to do something half the people on base have likely wanted to do and you did it with my permission, I mean that's a lucky thing right?" 

Squeezing her friend she pulled her over until Janet's head was resting on her shoulder, "We still have issues to work out Janet, you and I know that but at least now I have hope for our friendship, our relationship that I didn't have before. You wouldn't have hit me if you didn't think, on some level, it would help and you want to fix things as much as I do. So" she said pausing to take a breath. 

"What do you say we go let you x-ray my face so you don't think you split my skull open, prod my jaw and then I take you home? I'll even tuck you in and then I'll make you a deal. Want to know what it is Janet?" 

"You better tell me," Janet said. "You know how bad my curiosity can get." Janet smiled for the first time in a long while. 

With a smile the blond woman leaned over and kissed the top of Janet's head on her shoulder gently, grateful that there were no security cameras in the woman's office, "The next time I'm off world with the Tok'ra I'll deck Anise in the jaw to make up for it for you. Deal" she asked and giggled. ~Come on Janet~ Sam thought, ~Laugh, just once so I can hear that beautiful sound coming from you and let me know things are going to be ok. ~ 

Janet just shook her head a let a small snicker escape her throat. "I'll permit it only on one condition," Janet said seriously waiting for Sam to look at her. 

"Uh oh and me without my combat gear" Carter joked and looked down at Janet who was looking up at her. "Shoot, as long as it's figuratively that is. I don't want to see what you'd do if I came out with a bullet wound right now Janet." 

Janet just smiled and softly informed Sam, "you can deck Anise as long as you knock her flat on her ass." Janet said with a huge smile and a twinkle in her eyes. 

Carter laughed right along with Janet at that and nodded, tears of laughter coming to her injured face and she squeezed her best friend to her before she watched her stand up, "By the way" she asked looking up at Fraiser, "Have you been working out" she asked putting a hand to her jaw. 

"I mean I wasn't aware you were Mrs. Rocky Balboa lately Janet." 

"Yeah, yeah at least my jaw isn't made of glass. Let's go and stop your whining," Janet said somewhat like her normal friendly self. 

"Hey now" Sam said taking Janet's hand and standing up with a grin, "I'll have you know I do NOT have a glass jaw, a fiberglass one maybe but at least this injury doesn't require your gloves of exploration" she said shifting on her feet at the memories. 

Playfully Janet added without thinking, "But you know you like my hands on you." Janet winked and walked away with a slight bounce in her step. 

 

Flashback To Divide And Conquer 

 

Corridor/Elevator

Pushing the tears down into the pit of her stomach Sam Carter moved through the SGC after the summit meeting as if she was in a fog, nothing made sense. Jolinar's memories inundated her so much with the death of Martouf that she had a headache like never before and Aleve wasn't even touching it. Nothing was helping; no one could understand what she and Martouf had. Add to their friendship the relationship; intimate and beyond, that Jolinar and Martouf's symbiote, Lantesh, had and it added to the stress clearly. 

All she wanted to do now; after not even having to face the fact that she and the Colonel had admitted feelings for one another though she didn't have any of those feelings anymore; the truth was her feelings were for another but she knew it would be impossible to admit. Right now her emotions were so churned up she didn't know which way was up, half of her had wished she had been a Zatarc and Janet had sedated her for God only knew how long; then she wouldn't have had to face all these emotions. 

Janet knew Sam was hurting, she had read it in those expressive blue eyes. Well at least they were expressive to anyone that bothered to really look at them. ~Damn how those eyes draw me in, like they can see into my soul. ~ Janet thought before she could stop herself. ~How I would love for them to look at me as more than a friend, ~ Janet suddenly stopped and shook her head trying to clear those thoughts. This wasn't what Sam needed to hear. What Sam needed was her friend, not a friend that cared for her more deeply than she should. 

Janet wasn't sure where Sam would be trying to hide so she started one by one checking all her normal places. 

And the two women rounded the same corner and just barely avoided running into one another. Sam smiled though she didn't feel it and nodded to her best friend, "Janet hi, I'm sorry I didn't see you. Listen I know you wanted me to stop by the Infirmary after that whole sedative thing but I'll do it later, I have a ton of stuff to do and...." she kept talking, running out of breath but not stopping and close to hyperventilating trying to put her friend off for the pain in her heart, in her mind and also the very fact that when she was near Janet her heart and mind felt something more than friendship but she couldn't allow herself to feel that. 

"Sam, its OK. Don't worry about going to the infirmary right now. Can we go somewhere to talk?" Janet asked. 

"Well I..." she paused and nodded, "I was actually on my way out, heading home as I have a bit of a headache and Aleve isn't doing much after everything today. When are you off?" 

"I'm off now. Hence why I was looking for you. Are you feeling up to driving? Cause I can drive you there in my car if you want." Janet offered. 

"Not really but I don't want to bother Janet" the woman admitted trying to look more steady. "I mean I'm sure Cassie is waiting on you and I don't want to make you have to make a housecall for a headache type thing." 

"I wanted to talk remember. And don't worry about Cassie, she is a grown girl and doesn't wait for me anymore," Janet said a little sadly. "I'll drive you and you can get your car another time." Janet started to move towards the elevator. 

"Ok, thanks then" Sam admitted following Janet. "So what did you want to talk about Janet or do you want to wait until we're off base" she asked trying to sound casual when truthfully all she wanted to do at this precise moment was forget the world existed. 

Janet knew Sam was hurting and wanted so much to kiss her and make it all better but that was something that could never happen. "Let's wait until we are off base. I don't want anything to be taken the wrong way by eavesdroppers," Janet said and entered the elevator when it arrived. 

The trip to the surface was quiet and as they moved towards Janet's car very few words were said. 

They passed through security and Sam told the gate to let Hammond know she had gone and that for now if anyone needed her she'd be with Doctor Fraiser. Resting her head back on Janet's seat a moment the woman sighed and tried not to pay attention to the throbbing in her head, Martouf was dead, her relationship with the Colonel could be damaged forever because of the admissions and she was still fighting the effects of the heavy sedative Janet had given her and counter acted. Oh yeah, it was a truly lousy day. 

"In the glove box should be some aspirin. Not the baby stuff either. And there is probably a bottle water rolling around on the floor that is still good except that I drank out of it," Janet said wanting to make Sam feel better. 

"Please like that's a problem" Carter said opening her eyes and found water between her feet and the pills. She popped them in her mouth and took a long drink of the water. "Thanks" she said turning to watch the scenery go by. "It's been a really rotten day Janet, really rotten." 

"Yes it has. Lets hope that from the admission that were made things won't get to complicated at the SGC and that no one gets reprimanded," Janet said making small talk not wanting to get to the heavy stuff until they were at Sam's. 

"I don't think it will" Sam said softly. "The Colonel and I promised to keep it to ourselves and besides you no one else heard or knows what was going on, I had to explain when you agreed to let me see him and I know you won't make it official so that's at least one less thing to worry about" she said leaning her head back then and sighed. 

"Can we swing by the Wendy's for a burger? There is no food at my place and I maybe hungry later and don't feel like shopping right now." 

"Sure that's not a problem Sam," Janet said taking her hand and rubbing Sam's thigh lightly. 

Janet made a turn at the next light and headed to the fast food joint. She went through the drive through as no one wanted to get out. She placed the order and pulled up to the window to pay and collect their food. She placed the bag on the floor in the back and continued towards Sam's house. 

Without opening her eyes Sam reached over and took Janet's hand in hers, placing both of them gently on her own knee and squeezed it, the gentle gesture acting like an anchor in a mad world, "I still can't believe he's gone" she whispered softly and her voice cracked lightly, the headache pounding at the emotions. 

"Jolinar loved him Janet and I...well I considered him a great friend. He was totally devoted to the Tok'ra and to be used that way..." she simply shook her head sadly. 

"I'm sorry Sam. I wish I could make you feel better, wish I could do something to help," Janet said. 

Carter opened her eyes and looked at Janet, really looked at her not just as her best friend but also as a woman for the first time and realized she loved her. More than she should and she knew it would never be intimate, Janet didn't swing that way but it gave her comfort to know how she felt at least. 

Squeezing the hand again Sam nodded, "You are Janet, more than you know," she said softly. "You're what's holding me together right now and the only thing fighting against the ocean of pain I'm feeling." 

Janet smiled at Sam as she pulled into the driveway. "We're here. Lets get you inside," Janet said turning off the car and grabbing the bag of food. "Do you want to eat first or wait till later?" 

"Later" Sam said getting out and closed the car door. "You better grab your medical bag too, unless this headache lets up you're going to be worried about me Janet" she said moving up toward the porch tiredly, though not really physically tired just emotionally. 

Janet also grabbed her medical bag from the back and followed Sam into the house. She turned the oven on low and placed the food in to keep it warm. She left the bag sit on the counter and turned her attention to Sam. "Lets get you to bed for a while. I think some rest might help," Janet said concerned as she guided Sam into her bedroom. 

"Do you want me to stay or leave you be? If you want I can stay in the living room until you want me." Janet said. 

"Stay" Sam said going to get her pajamas. "Thanks Janet, I'm going to change. Do you think you may have something handy to let me sleep, I tried earlier and had a nightmare or seven"? 

"Well let's see if just me being here helps first and if it doesn't I'll give you something. Is that OK?" Janet asked. 

The woman nodded, "Whatever you think best Janet. Be right back" she said heading toward the bathroom to change. 

Janet had pulled the blankets and sheet down for when Sam returned. The bathroom door opened and Sam came back. 

"Why don't you lie down and get some sleep? I'll sit in the chair over by the window if you want?" Janet informed. 

Sitting on the edge of the bed in the red and black-checkered pajamas Sam yawned, really yawned for the first time. Despite being early evening she felt like she'd been up for days and the headache, while a little better was still pounding. She looked up at Janet and started to nod and then stopped. "Lay with me, if you don't mind that is." 

"Of course I don't mind," Janet responded while her mind screamed ~I want to do more with you that just lay down. ~ 

Janet moved towards the bed as Sam lay down and allowed Janet room. Fraiser made herself comfortable then reached over and pulled Sam towards her. Being she was laying on her back it meant that Sam would have to lie on her side if her head was to rest on Janet's shoulder. 

"Are you comfortable?" Janet asked. 

"Not yet" Sam said softly and got the blankets more fully over both of them and then rolled over and scooted as close as she could to Janet, resting her head on her shoulder and held her with one arm, "Am now" she said not even caring at the moment how wrong this would look. 

She needed Janet's comfort, her strength if she was going to survive this and to hell with anyone that thought anything different. She'd lost too much today and she wasn't ashamed to need the comfort of her friend, in whatever way she was willing to give it. 

"I'm glad. Now get some sleep," Janet said kissing the top of Sam's head and holding the hand that was draped across her waist. 

~I could get use to this~ Janet thought before she too fell asleep. 

 

Flashback To Window Of Opportunity 

 

Fraiser Residence

Major Samantha Carter pulled up in front of her best friend's house and smiled as she got out of the car, after the weird debriefing they had just finished she needed something familiar and locking the car she headed up to the garage door after having called and told Janet that she'd be over for dinner with she and Cassandra; apparently the girl had a new boyfriend she couldn't wait to tell Sam about and since it didn't seem like she had heard it before she was going to assume this wasn't another time loop. 

It was still amazing to her that the Colonel and Teal'c had been stuck for God only knew how long in the time loop, repeating over and over again the same six hours. She'd have gone stir crazy; that was what Sam knew. She couldn't believe that she hadn't been much help either; she was a theoretical astrophysicist it was her area of expertise and in one of those loops she should have been help. 

Janet was busy in the kitchen cook, something she really enjoyed to do. She was casually dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. When she heard the door open she yelled, "I'm in the kitchen Sam." 

"Not burning the place down are you" she asked laughing but entered. "I don't see smoke so it must be ok" she said unzipping her coat. "I didn't have time to shower at the base, do you mind if I grab one here before dinner or do I not have time Chef Mom?" 

"SAM" Cassie hollered and raced into the kitchen hugging the woman. 

"Hey kiddo" she said holding the child a moment and then letting her go. "Your mom is cooking." 

"Yeah just for you too" she told Sam. 

"Oh really" she asked looking at Janet with a smile. 

Janet had a slight blush creep up her neck. Sam wasn't suppose to know that she was the reason Janet was cooking tonight. Turning the stove down Janet allowed the sauce to simmer. 

"Cassie, can you keep stirring this and I'll be right back." Janet let the girl take over knowing that Cassie became proud when her mom let her help. 

Janet then turned her attention to Sam. "Sure you can take a shower. Follow me," Janet said leading the way into her bedroom and then her bathroom. "There are towels udder the counter here," Janet said pointing to the spot. "Dinner should be done by the time you finish." Janet then turned and began to head out and back to finishing their meal. 

"Hey" Sam called and came up to Janet in the master bedroom and smiled as she looked around the room lightly, "I have used your bathroom before Janet but thank you and about dinner" she leaned over and whispered something in the woman's ear and then winked before heading back to the bathroom. 

 

Flashback To The Curse 

 

Cairo Egypt: Hotel Room

Sitting in the hotel that Daniel had gotten for he, Sam and Janet before they flew back to the states Samantha Carter had to admit this was one of the weirdest missions she had ever been on; and to top it off the Colonel and Teal'c had been out fishing and missed all of it. They had gotten back to Cairo earlier that afternoon and despite Janet's insistence that they all needed to be in the hospital for observation at least they had stayed at the hotel because of security concerns. They were flying back to the States tomorrow but it had been a weird day. Osiris was going to be a major pain in her six over the next few years and despite Daniel's experience with the ribbon device his injuries were mostly emotional. 

Carter had briefed Hammond and as she stood up slowly, wincing as the muscles in her back and body protested the beating they had taken the woman was struck with how ironic it was that both she and Janet had been thrown into a wall and yet the only one in clear pain, despite the bruises she had seen on the doctor herself, Janet was having no problems moving around easily. She was a little sore and stiff but nothing like Sam was and when asked her excuse had been she knew what was going to happen and had relaxed her muscles; therefore the trauma hadn't done as much internal damage to the strained areas as they had on Carter. ~It must be some kind of Doctor's code~ the Major thought lying down face first on her stomach on the bed, she hoped by sheer will the muscles would unknot at this point. 

With Daniel someplace else in the hotel, Sam and Janet were alone in the room. Janet had smiled when Sam complained that it wasn't fair for her to be in more pain that Janet. Not that she wanted Janet in any pain. 

As Janet exited the bathroom she saw Sam laying face down on the bed and had to laugh. She felt so bad for her friend and knew she was hurting. Wanting to help and not thinking what something like this might do to her Janet crawled up the bed and straddled Sam's hips, sitting on her butt. She began to run her hands up and down Sam's back then started to massage more deeply and she encountered knots. 

Carter felt the pressure and winced, she knew what Janet was doing but right now it felt so good and she turned her head to the side; it was definitely getting warm in here though she knew Janet would think she had a fever, "OH...Oh God Janet...that feels so good. Mmm" she said arching up a little as the woman dug into a hard knot in her back. 

Upon hearing Sam's moan of please a huge smile spread across her features. She loved the idea she could do this to Sam's body. If only Sam would think that this was done more out of love and sexually based instead of as a friendly thing. Janet kept thinking about the other things she would love to do to Sam's body if only the opportunity arose. 

Over the years Sam Carter had given her body to Janet in so many ways, as her doctor, as her best friend, as a sister and as perhaps more but never in the real way she wanted to, never as a lover. As she relaxed under her best friend's touch she knew that the tension she felt wasn't that of being in pain but in sexual need but of course she knew that Fraiser would never see her that way. 

She saw Sam as a friend, family, as a patient and knew she'd never go farther no matter how much she wanted to go farther. Sam would love nothing better than to turn over and wrap her arms around the woman and hold her so tightly, press her lips to Janet's gently and ravish her in the Cairo hotel but of course that was impossible. 

Every so often Janet's hands would drift to Sam's sides and lightly graze the sides of her breast with feathery touches before once again moving to the tight muscles in her back. 

 

Flashback To 2010 

 

Fraiser's Office In Washington, D.C.

Retired Colonel Samantha Carter sat in the office of the woman who used to be her best friend; hell more than that before her own arrogance at the time about the very aliens who were lying to her at the moment. She listened and answered as they talked about her not being able to have children and the anger she had at the Aschen for what they had done; they lied to her over and over again and she had ruined so many things to support to this alliance, friendships, loving relationships all for nothing. 

She heard Janet promise to try to help her find out how it happened and why but she just didn't care at the moment; she was furious at the Aschen, at herself, at everyone and not just because of the inability to have kids though that was a big part of it but she was being lied to; she was supporting and likely helping these aliens do what they were likely doing; whatever it was. 

Through the tears Sam had a vague feeling of Janet having come over and kneeling down in front of her. She felt her fingers gently holding the inside of her wrist like she had done so many years ago when they were so much closer, checking her pulse but also offering comfort with the simple gesture. Hearing the words through the emotions she tried to comprehend what they were saying but it was just too hard at the moment and then she felt it and jumped up, careful of the woman kneeling in front of her. Sam raced into the bathroom off the woman's main office and threw up, hard and over and over again. 

Janet extremely worried about her old friend got up and rushed after her, following her into the bathroom. "Sam. You OK? What's wrong other than throwing up? Talk to me." Janet said her concern clearly evident. 

Sitting back Sam offered a weak smile and settled her head back against the cabinet, "It's just the stress Janet, that and the realization of some things" she admitted slowly and glanced around weakly. "I mean you just gave me a physical, I'm not sick right?" 

"You're not from the tests I ran but I didn't run them all. You just gave me a scare is all," Janet said as she knelt by Sam and gave her a hug. "You want to go somewhere and talk?" 

Rubbing her oldest and dearest friend's back Sam Carter was struck with the choice's she had made, the chances she had let get away and wished she had those chances back. She loved Joe but things hadn't been going well for a while and she knew what was coming as well as he did. 

"Not until my stomach decides to stay in one place and the room stops moving Janet but thank you," she answered her friend and doctor. "Been a long time since we did this hasn't it?" 

"What, been in a bathroom with one of us throwing up?" Janet asked trying to use humor to lighten the situation they now faced. 

Carter laughed as she watched the woman pull back lightly and she shook her head, "God I've missed you Janet. Why didn't we stay better connected over the years? After the wedding it seemed like we were both too busy, I'm sorry..." she burped. "Excuse me. I'm sorry about that." 

"I've missed you too Sam, more than you can imagine," Janet said sincerely afraid that she had said too much too soon and would push Sam away once more. 

"I don't know why we didn't stay better connected. You began working with the Aschen and being as they had no need for a doctor I moved trying to find work, a place where I belonged, someplace where an old derelict could still be used. I'm sorry too that I didn't try harder." Janet got up and retrieved a glass of water for Sam. 

"Here drink this. It will get rid of the nasty after taste." 

Taking the water Sam sipped it and nodded her thanks lightly, "You aren't a derelict Janet and why I confess the Aschen technology is marvelous the fact is their doctors leave a lot to be desired" she admitted having experienced her fair share of them. 

"After you left the SGC I didn't see a doctor for a long time; they weren't you and I missed that special way about you" she admitted sipping the water again slowly. "The way you'd hold my hand or just give such a calming presence with your eyes, you even do it now" she admitted looking up at the slightly older but just as beautiful in her eyes woman. 

"I was as much to blame for not staying in contact as you were, I could have tried and I knew how you felt about the Aschen." 

"I'm just glad you came to me today Sam," Janet said leaning over and kissing her on the cheek. "It would be great to have you back in my life." 

The kiss electrified Sam and she smiled broadly sitting the water down when she saw the room spin again but before she did she paused to pull Janet close enough and kissed her cheek, "I'm glad you asked me to, I missed you Janet and that's the truth. Though if you have anything to settle my stomach I promise to erect a statue to you later" she said with a twinkle in her eye. 

"Sure, I guess I can be that nice for old times sake," Janet said with a smile. "Let me run to my office and get you something." Janet got up and hurried to her office and was back by Sam's side before she knew it. 

"Here you go. These should do the trick," Janet said handing Sam two tablets. 

Taking the pills she started to take them and then paused, "Uh let me ask something. If I take these orally are they going to stay down or am I going to be seeing them again?" 

"Well, how is your stomach feeling. Is it just upset or doing quadruple somersaults?" Janet asked. 

Offering a smile Sam nodded lightly and the room tilted, "Triples at the moment." 

"Then you get to go with method number two. Since the pills won't stay down I'll have to give you suppositories to use," Janet said with a slight smile. 

That brought some rather, interesting images to Sam Carter's mind. She'd gone there before, professionally with Janet and from a soldier and human standpoint it wasn't fun but from a purely romantic and uh sexual one, even after all this time she had to admit it was an enticing image. 

Handing the pills back Sam sighed, she had to at least appear to disagree, "No injection option huh?" 

"Sorry Hon," Janet said. "Its the suppository or the vomit. Its your choice?" 

Sighing Sam nodded slowly, "Well at least I know you'd be more understanding than the Aschen Doctors, I'm not even sure they'd know what to do" she said softly and closed her eyes a moment and then opened them looking at her watch, "Damn and I have to be at work in half an hour too." 

"Is there any way you can call in sick?" Janet asked as she opened the package and handed Sam the suppository. "You remember how to do this right?" 

"No" she said to the first question and studied the little pill and tried to offer a weak smile, "Remember how yes but" she looked up at Janet a moment, the thought of the beautiful woman doing it for her was too much and she met her eyes, "You don't expect me to ...well you know do you Janet?" 

"Sam as much as I love you no, you have to. I'll hold you and keep you balanced but I'll let you have all the fun with the insertion," Janet said as she moved closer to Sam. 

"Janet for God's sakes" the woman said letting her friend help her up, "You're my doctor, my friend and it's not like you didn't do this before right? You do remember those times, I protested like a witch." 

"Yes I remember," Janet said as she got up and locked the door. This was an embarrassing thing for anyone and she didn't want someone to walk in and see Sam. Her friend would die of embarrassment at that point. "Pull down your pants and panties," Janet instructed. 

When Sam complied she continued. "OK here take this." She offered the suppository and moved even closer to Sam so that they were touching chest to chest. "Just lean forward a little and place it in the proper location." As this was going on Sam seemed to be struggling a little so Janet leaned forward more and helped guide Sam's hand. 

Knowing more than embarrassment were at work at the moment Sam Carter tried to concentrate, Janet was acting as her doctor but with things with Joe so bad, she finding out she couldn't have children and otherwise a generally crappy day the woman shook her head and pulled her hand back. "Janet this isn't going to work, I mean you're back there; you can see and well just do it would you? I don't want to stay here all day; at least not like this though..." before she knew it her hand had pulled back and brushed Janet's breast tenderly, almost too tenderly but it lit a fire in Sam and she knew then there was no way she was going to able to do what Janet wanted her to professionally. 

Sam couldn't do it; she was having too much difficulty for some reason. So Janet although she didn't want to do this for fear of it escalating past her control went ahead and gently took the suppository from Sam's trembling hand. And with gentleness she began to insert it into Sam's backside. 

As she started she could feel Sam tense and used her free hand to comfortingly rub Sam's back and arm. When she had finished Janet pulled away a little so she wasn't leaning on Sam but still touching. She allowed one hand with feather light touches to trail down the side of her friend's torso while she turned her head and kissed first the cheek then closer to the earlobe, a very sensitive are for most people. 

For one brief moment Sam started to pull away and then didn't, not because she couldn't, Janet would stop if she asked her to but she didn't want to. Forgetting the suppository for the moment and standing near her best friend and the woman she had secretly loved for years and still had feelings for had driven her to a point she thought she'd never have again. 

Turning her head at just the right time she caught Janet's lips on hers and kissed her, her tongue gently parting the woman's lips and searching as she wrapped an arm around Janet's waist and held her to her tightly, her other hand going up to cup the woman's clothed breast; it just seemed so right at that moment. 

Janet didn't protest the direction Sam had moved in after all it was her that started the whole thing. As Sam's tongue parted her lips Janet let out a husky moan and deepened the kiss even more. 

And as Sam's hand had found her breast she kept one of hers around Sam's neck playing with the shorts hairs there while the other traveled lower using her nails to trace spiral patterns on the inside of Sam's still bare thigh. 

 

Flashback To The Light 

 

Gate Room

Stepping through the Stargate to return home after weeks on some alien world that truthfully had all the allure of the Sahara in the middle of summer Major Samantha Carter had never been so happy to see the gray walls of the SGC in her life. She and the rest of SG-1 had to spend several weeks on the planet in question or else they would have likely died from the withdrawal symptoms from some alien device in the place. In time she'd study and understand the intricacies but at the moment she just didn't care. 

Infirmary

After briefing Hammond and telling the guys to take a shower first Carter headed for the Infirmary and saw her best friend waiting. She smiled broadly, grabbing her and kissed her cheek, "I've never been so happy to see you or the Infirmary in my life" she said happily and saw the rest of the Infirmary staff and her escort all staring at her. "Come on" she said grabbing Janet's hand, "The guys are showering so I'm first and trust me you won't hear one peep and you can poke, prod, stick, examine or cut off anything you want. But if someone could find me a cup of real coffee please" she said pulling Janet along with her happily. 

Janet just stared at her friend. This was so out of character for the tall blonde. "Gee Sam you are extremely glad to be back. Did you kiss the gate ramp upon arrival?" Janet teased enjoying this new side of her friend and secret crush. 

"You try spending weeks with the Colonel, Daniel, Teal'c and an alien boy with nothing to do and see how glad you are besides" she said tossing her duty jacket down on the foot of the bed they arrived at, "Didn't you miss me" she asked and pretended to pout. 

Sam loved Janet, she knew that but she also knew that it would never be anything more. Of course that was she had nice fantasies to keep her going, several of them had kept her going over the last few weeks, it's why she hadn't murdered one of the guys. 

"Of course I missed you," Janet said moving closer. "Now strip so we can get your physical over with," Janet said with a wink. 

Laughing the woman started to unbutton her camo top, "For once no argument Janet, you can see anything I've got; hell you have" she joked. "Everything or just enough for a post mission" she inquired not sure how in depth Janet wanted to be after what had happened on the last mission the alien whatever affecting all of them. 

"Just the normal for post Sam, don't want you to experience something you might enjoy," Janet teased but thought ~I might enjoy~ instead. 

With her nerves calmed somewhat Janet began Sam's post mission check up. And after checking her pulse, and taking her temperature she moved so Sam could not see her hands shaking. It was all over with now and Janet jotted down Sam's info. 

"You can get dressed now," she informed as she headed out. 

"Alyssa, can you have Dr. Warner give post to the rest of SG1. I have a few things I need to take care of in my office. Thanks," Janet said as she returned to her sanctuary. 

After dressing Sam headed out and decided there was no better time to talk to Janet, maybe she could talk her into doing it at the Academy Hospital so no one on base would have to know. Going up to her best friend's door she knocked on the frame since the door was open and smile, "Hey, can I talk to you a minute Janet?" 

"Any time Sam, you know that. Come in and take a seat," Janet offered unsure as to why Sam all of a sudden had to ask since things were good between them. "What's on your mind?" 'That beautiful, intelligent, glorious mind of your' Janet went on to herself. 

Smiling she entered and closed the doctor's door gently and took a seat, all the while thinking how much she'd like to be sitting in Janet's seat on her lap, "Uh sorry to bother you but I wanted to know if it was possible you could change the birth control meds I'm on Janet. I mean I'm not..." she blushed slightly. 

"Well I mean I'm not you know but I just feel a little off with them lately, wanted to know if we could try something else." 

"We can but I'm not sure if the others will make you feel off too," Janet said think ~If you were mine there would be no need for birth control. ~ 

Sighing the woman nodded and was struck with the realization that if her fantasies were true the need for birth control would be not there, "Well what do you suggest Janet? Wait, tests, change, learn to live with it or what?" 

"Well there are many forms of birth control aside from the obvious condoms for men and women if you don't want to take medication. We could continue to try a few different pills that may or may not work; it's a trial by error sort of thing. The other option would be to take depovara, which is an injection. Since I think we can rule out having your tubes tied since that is a surgical procedure and is more permanent. Which method do you want to try? Ultimately its your decision Sam," Janet went on to say. 

"Yes it is" Sam admitted, a bit embarrassed but also excited to be talking about such a deeply personal subject with the woman who just the thought of made her sopping wet. "But I trust your advice Janet, what do you recommend? You know I'll go with that unless I have a reason not to that is." 

"I would suggest trying the depovera shot for the simple fact that you get poked in the ass once every three months. You don't have to worry about forgetting to take a pill and having it screw up the whole cycle," Janet said professionally. After all if she needed to use birth control that would be what she would use, that is if she ever decided to go back to playing with the men, which wasn't her cup of tea at the present. 

Carter seemed to think about it, truthfully she didn't need birth control other than on the off chance something happened off world but if it were sexual preference that dictated she'd never need it again. 

Silent for several seconds she nodded slowly, "All right, then let's do it Janet. Can you do it?" she asked not trusting, or wanting a nurse to inject her if they didn't have to. Besides the thought of her friend studying her ass was hot. 

Janet coughed at the sudden request Sam made. She wasn't expecting that to come from her friend. "Yeah it won't be a problem. Why don't you go grab your shower and I'll prep what I need. Just come back here when you are ready," Janet said unsure of what she was getting herself into. 

Standing up the woman nodded and she suddenly paused and snapped her fingers, "The guys are likely already in there, can I use the Infirmary showers? It will be faster," she asked studying Janet with a smile. "I promise to only get mud everywhere." 

Janet just shook her head. "Go ahead." ~Like I could ever say no to you~ was the thought that followed unspoken. 

As Sam left Janet went about to prep the injection. 

 

Flashback To Entity 

 

Infrmary

Major Samantha Carter had finally been turned loose of the Infirmary but was a bit shocked that her best friend; hell her family in the form of Janet Fraiser hadn't done the actual releasing. At first she had thought perhaps after everything had happened she had gone home but was surprised when Warner had said she was still on base just said she had some stuff to do. Now Sam didn't know everyone on base very well but she knew Janet pretty well; at least she thought she did and she knew that after what had happened the woman would have likely been at her to stay another day just so she could keep an eye on her. She'd had her counter argument all prepared only to find out that Warner was checking on her instead of Janet. "Hey Warner" she asked zipping up her shirt and waited until the man was looking at her. "No one has told me a lot of details but did anything happened that would have bothered Janet?" 

"You mean besides being seconds away from pulling the plug when you were comatose with zero brain activity?" 

"WHAT" she said snapping her head up. David Warner wasn't much for the warmer parts of humanity but even he could have found a way to phrase that better. "You mean she had to actually make the call? You're kidding right," she demanded. 

"No I'm not" he said signing her chart and proceeded to give her after care instructions. 

Only half listening to him she raced off then in search of Janet; she'd already talked to the other members of her team but every time she had tried to talk to Fraiser during her recovery the woman had said she needed to rest and then got called away or something and they hadn't had a chance to start. After not finding her in any of the medical labs she debated about how to find her and then had an idea grabbing a nurse and talking to her. It cost her but she smiled when the announcement went out over the intercom system; Janet would hear her being paged to the Infirmary for a medical emergency no matter where she was on base. 

Janet was hiding out on base in an area that wasn't used much. Actually it was a storage space but it was quiet and gave Janet the privacy she needed. When she headed the page she instinctively ran to the door ready to head to the infirmary for the emergency. But after a second thought she came to the conclusion that she wasn't really need that Warner could handle the problem. With that decision made she headed topside to her car and her next destination. When she reached the final checkpoint she asked if the guard would call down to the infirmary and inform them that she had left. Saying something along the lines that she was feeling ill. Now she was clear and free and wanted nothing more than to indulge the sorrow and guilt that ran through her. She came upon the main road that led away from the mountain and into town and the favorite pastime for all officers at the base, the bar. Here at least Janet could attempt to drown her sorrows. 

She reached the bar and parked her car in the lot and headed inside. She ordered herself up several different hard drinks and asked the barkeep to bring them to the table in the back. 

Meanwhile in the Infirmary Sam had been told that Janet already left, they said she was ill but she knew better. No one knew Janet Fraiser better than Carter did and quickly she went into Janet's office and locked the door before basically 'busting' into the woman's computer and sent her pager a 911 message, her friend would reply to that and she knew it because it read: 911. Major Carter relapsed, needed at base immediately. 

Janet continued to sit at the dark back table drinking the screwdriver. In front of her there were seven upside down tequila shots glasses and a few that held Jack Daniels whiskey. When her pager went off she tried to stand up but almost fell over. Thankfully the barkeep was walking past and was able to catch her before she hit the floor. He had asked her if everything was all right and she informed him that there was an emergency and she was being called back to base. With both knowing she couldn't be any help a decision was made and Janet had asked the barkeep to call the base check point and explain that Fraiser was unable to return to base but not to go into to much detail and that they were to inform the infirmary and place Warner as CMO for the moment or until the emergency was dealt with. 

It had taken almost an hour before the General had tracked down Carter, Warner and found out what was going on. He hadn't been happy in any means and 'cautioned' the woman about using the bases paging system and beeper access that way in the future. 

Sam had nodded and quickly signed out with Warner after having used her laptop to put a tracer on Janet's cell and got it narrowed down to a wide area. Then she spent twenty minutes calling every bar in the area until she found one and headed out, speeding through security and tossing gravel everywhere. Why hadn't she just talked to her? Damn it, this was her fault. 

Janet continued to sit at the back table. The only difference now was that about fifteen shot glasses sat on the table upside down and about four glasses that at one point held some for of mixed drink. Janet taking some time from the hard stuff was currently nursing a beer with her eyes closed and her mind running over the events of the last few days. 

Sam arrived about halfway through the beer and she waved to the bartender, she knew the man from her time here with SG-1 and followed his finger as he pointed toward Janet's. Normally, and totally unprofessionally it was hilarious to see her best friend and the always-together CMO of the SGC falling down drunk based on the amount of glasses on the table but this wasn't for a fun reason. 

Nodding to Mike she moved toward the table and sat opposite her friend and doctor slowly, with only a little wince. She had rushed around so much she was sore from her time being dead but otherwise was fine. Sam didn't say anything; eventually the woman would open her eyes. 

Janet knew she wasn't alone anymore but didn't want to open her eyes, she knew who would come and it was the last person she wanted to see. She took another sip of her beer. "Go away," she slurred out and took another sip. 

"Not happening Janet" Carter said softly. "I'm going to take you home, put you to bed and then tomorrow we're going to talk. That" she stressed slowly, "Is what's happening. If I have to I can knock you on your ass to do it but keep in mind I'm sick and any of these stitches I pull out you're going to put back and I don't think you can see straight to do it right now do you?" 

Janet just shook her head. "Walking isn't an option," she slurred, "and driving is out of the question." She took another big gulp of her beer wishing it were something stronger. 

"Well damn then" she stated proudly and stood up, "I guess that means I'm carrying you and then driving though I really hope you don't kick me as I do this" she said going toward Janet's side of the table. 

Looking up she hollered at Mike that she'd settle up personally with him tomorrow and then at his wave she put her hands under Janet's armpits and pulled her up, "Upsie Daisy Janet, good girl." 

"Sam, leave me alone. I don't want any company right now. I want another drink though," Janet started to protest and was trying to sit back down. 

"Oh this is just so much fun" Carter said and leaned over pulling Janet over her shoulder and picked her up then moving slowly so as not to injure herself. 

"See you later Sam, Doctor" Mike called. 

"Later Mike and see that no one bothers Janet's car, I'll pick it up tomorrow and....OW...Janet stop kicking me" Sam protested as they moved toward the door. 

"If you want me to stop kicking you then put me down," Janet stated not wanting to leave the bar yet after all she wasn't plastered enough. 

"IF you give me one bruise Fraiser I'm going to find a lake and dump you in now STOP" she stressed and stopped at the door as Mike came over and handed Janet her coat, or rather laid it over her. "Thanks Mike" she said heading outside. 

"Honestly Janet have you lost your mind? You're my doctor and you didn't even wait until I got out of the Infirmary to get smashed. Was I really that bad a patient" Sam joked with the woman as she headed for her car. "I'll call the Colonel or Daniel to pick up Cassie, I don't want her seeing you like this and anyone else either." 

Upon hearing Sam bring up her recent stint in the infirmary Janet broke down largely due to all the alcohol she had consumed and the tears began to fall. "I don't care who sees me," Janet stated as even more tears fell. 

Sighing at her own stupidest action she got the door open on the passenger side and carefully got Janet in. Slowly Sam leaned down to buckle the woman's seatbelt, "Well I do Janet. Damn it you're my doctor, my friend and family and I happen to love you and I'm not going to let you throw away your friends, your family and your career because you think you betrayed me by doing what I wanted" she said snapping the belt tightly. 

"We'll have this talk tomorrow, when you're more coherent. For now stay put or I'm going to knock you on that gorgeous ass of yours Doctor." 

Janet just remained quiet and allowed Sam to buckle her in and close the door. All she could do was sit and stare out the window. 

After getting into the passenger side Sam turned on the car and the heater so her friend wouldn't get cold, she picked up her cell and dialed the Colonel's number, "Hello Sir. Yeah I'm out of the Infirmary, listen I need you to go over to Janet's place and pick up Cassie and keep her all night Colonel, can you do that Sir." 

Janet just listened to Sam as she talk to someone, Janet didn't care at the moment. All she wanted was to either drink more so she would never sober up or for the world to end. Which outcome happened she didn't give a damn? 

Thanking her CO Carter hung up her phone and sighed before putting the car in gear and pulled out, "Janet talk to me" she began. "It wasn't your fault you know, you were only following the wishes I wanted. Why are you beating yourself up over this?" she asked knowing they had to kill some time so Colonel O'Neil could get Cassie out of the house. 

"I don't want to talk Sam," Janet said continuing to stare out the window. 

Sighing the blond woman shook her head, "I really don't care what you want right now Janet. You just acted like a complete ass and did something so contrary to your character I would swear you aren't you" she said sighing again and winced, she hadn't gotten her pain meds or any after care anything when leaving because she had raced out. 

"Listen to me Janet you're my doctor, you're my friend at least until I say otherwise and since I don't say otherwise you're going to talk to me about what's going on. I know you had the make the call, Warner told me." 

"Warner should have kept his damn mouth shut. And yes I had to make the call," Janet said angrily. 

"I asked, he didn't volunteer" the woman said and decided if they had to talk in the car that was what they would do. She found a spot to pull over and did so and then turned to face her friend. 

"Janet I can't know what that was like for you and we got lucky. You would have and did make the right call; it's what I wanted. I didn't want to live as a vegetable Janet, I made this argument to you when I signed the DNR" she said trying to explain. "Why are you beating yourself up for doing what I wanted?" 

"Because I didn't even try, I didn't even wait to see, and I gave up hope," Janet said finally hanging her head down in shame. "I love you and I gave up hope that you would pull through." 

Reaching over Sam raised the woman's chin to look at her and met her eyes both tears stained ones fully. "Janet it was a call I hoped to God you would never make but the reason, the ONLY reason I had the guts to sign the DNR was that I knew when and if it had to be made you'd be the only one with the strength to make it. There was nothing Janet," she said and paused. 

"No brain activity, no responses, I was clinically dead and that's when the call had to be made and you did it. I'm proud of you for that, can you understand that? You did nothing wrong." 

Janet just shook her head. "Its not that easy Sam, yes medically it might be but in here," she gestured to her heart. "In here, I knew something was wrong that you were still alive somewhere but I couldn't find where, I couldn't find proof." She let out a sign," and you didn't see the look the Colonel gave me when he found out what I was going to do. The tone of his voice when he spoke to me." 

"It wasn't his call" she stressed and released the woman sighing and the tears came evenly then and she leaned over and kissed Janet's cheek lightly. "I love that this bothers you so much Janet, it proves how much you care but stop, stop beating yourself up. Did you ever wonder why I didn't ask the Colonel to make the call? Why I left it up to you by name or the base CMO in the event you weren't able?" 

Janet just shook her head, her voice failing her due to the tightness in her throat from all the crying. 

Fighting her own emotions and the pain from having been dead the Major settled back in the semi darkened car, "Because he would have done what was best for him Janet, not me. God knows I love Colonel O'Neil as my CO and a good friend but you... 

You made the hard call Janet. I've seen you do it before and I knew, no matter how much it hurt you that you'd do it again and do what I wanted. Please don't feel guilty for that" she said reaching over and taking her hand. "Just promise me you'll think about what I've said and I happen to need my friend and my doctor back so promise you won't stay away in your soul searching too long ok?" 

Janet just nodded but continued to cry. 

"Let's get you home" Sam said wiping her own eyes. "Things will look better after a hot bath and something to eat with some sleep Janet, I promise" she said squeezing the hand. 

"I'll call the base too and tell the General you're keeping an eye on me at home tomorrow" she said reaching for the phone to do that. 

Janet had been quiet during the entire trip, seemingly lost in her own thoughts as Sam talked to the base. When they got to the doctor's place Carter used her spare key and let them in, carrying her friend protectively in her arms. She headed straight for the stairs as she spoke softly, "The General has given us both three days downtime and I told him I'm staying here with you to recover and that you were taking care of me. The Colonel, Daniel and Teal'c are taking Cassie camping for the weekend after school tomorrow so we'll be alone. I'll run you a hot bath" she said coming up to the master bedroom and gently started to sit Janet down on the edge. 

"After that I'll go make some soup, you need something on your stomach to combat all the booze you drank Janet and then bed for you. We'll talk more tomorrow and work this out" she said looking at her friend. The woman seemed so hurt, so vulnerable right now and as she studied her Sam Carter was struck with how easily this scene could turn into something else quickly but couldn't do that, wouldn't take advantage of Janet that way and jeopardize their careers and their friendship. "You going to be ok by yourself for a few minutes? Stay put though, you promise?" 

Nodding Janet said, "I'll be ok for a little while. And thank you Sam." Although Janet was now talking she still refused to make eye contact with Sam for fear of what she would see. She didn't want to see Sam disappointed with, being this unstable emotionally that would send her into another downward spiral. 

When Sam left Janet just fell back on the bed and threw her arms over her eyes. 

Taking another full minute to look at her friend intently Sam sighed, she hated seeing Janet so torn up over this. The woman had the most compassionate and loving heart she had every known and in only a few short years she meant the world to Carter in so many ways, both currently and in her fantasies but at the moment she wasn't sure how to help her so instead she simply moved toward the master bathroom to run the water for the bath and then she'd help her best friend get undressed and in the water before going to make soup. 

Present Time

Fraiser Residence

It was one of their typical 'Girls Night Out' except they both decided to stay in and being Cassie was spending the weekend with her uncles, Janet's house would be nice and quiet for an evening of relaxation, movie watching and maybe some girl talk. With the movie not holding their interst a mutual decision was made and they began to talk; bringing up some of their past experiences at the SGC. 

 

Flashback To Threshold 

 

Infirmary

Sitting in the recovery room with Teal'c, chatting lightly as she watched her friend fuss over the man she was struck as her eyes caught Fraiser's for a split second over how much the preceding hours had taken it's toll on the woman. She looked exhausted, Sam knew she hadn't slept in more than a day since Teal'c and this Jaffa rite thing had started. She'd brought her a sandwich earlier only to be told she wasn't hungry. Listening as she finished talking to Teal'c the Major stood up and smiled at the man, "Teal'c, I'll check in on you later." 

"I will be here Major Carter" he stated and then closed his eyes to Kel'no'reem. 

Watching him a second she turned her eyes on her best friend, the woman she would do anything for and knew based on their short conversation hours ago that Janet had said she would resign if Teal'c had died and Sam knew she meant it. Her friend took the health of everyone seriously; not the least of which were those she called friends and Teal'c was certainly in that category. She'd watched her fight to be able to treat the man and truthfully while Sam understood the need of the rite the fact was that it was tearing her up to watch what it was doing to Janet. Approaching slowly she put a hand on the smaller woman's shoulder and could feel the tension, "Janet would you come with me to the commissary? We both need something to eat I think and I'd like to talk if you don't mind that is. Teal'c is ok for the moment it looks like" she said softly casting a look back at the sleeping man. 

Janet nodded agreeing. "You're right I should have something to eat. My energy is a little low and I can get paged if something happens." 

The doctor walked to the nearest table and set her folders down. She turned and walked back to Sam, "Ok lets go." 

"Great" Sam said happily and led the way from the room. The two traveled in silence, stealing looks at one another and Carter was reminded as she followed Janet in line picking up food from the counter in the commissary how beautiful and compassionate the woman was. What she had to do, stand aside as Teal'c fought for his soul, had hurt them both terribly and she knew that by taking Bra'tac's side she had put a strain on their friendship but she wouldn't have done that if she didn't think it was necessary. 

Seeing Janet look at her as she walked she suddenly stepped back and grabbed a small salad with a smile and watched as it got a firm nod of approval from Janet as they made their way to a far table in the corner so they wouldn't be bothered. She let Janet sit down first and then took a seat beside her. "Teal'c is looking and acting a lot better Janet, you really did a great job," she said trying to adopt a formal attitude first, maybe it would be better disarming than jumping right into emotions. 

"I'm glad to see that I'm starting to have an influence on you," Janet said as she pointed to the salad. "Now if the rest of the food you consumed would be as healthy..." Janet just let that statement out in the open. 

"Yes, Teal'c seems to be almost to his normal self. Just don't credit me for it; I didn't do anything but get in Bra'tac's way." 

Pausing for a moment the blond Major resumed laying her napkin in her lap and studied the woman across from her, "That isn't true Janet" she said with determination. "In the end you saved his life, you did that. Not Bra'tac and not Teal'c but you did. How can you believe his recovery had nothing to do with you?" she asked confused and sighed. 

"Janet no one better than I understands how hard it was for you to stand aside at the beginning, you've had to do that repeatedly over the years and I wish to God it hadn't happened but when it mattered you got through, you saved him. Be happy about that, you did what you were trained to do and it saved Teal'c's life when others would have given up or not even cared." 

"Its just that I felt so helpless during the whole ordeal. I hate to feel helpless, especially when it concerns my friends," Janet said honestly. But gave Sam a slight smile so she didn't feel quite as bad for her. 

Taking a bite of her sandwich first, ignoring the salad and then popped the top on a soda to take a drink Carter chewed slowly and then swallowed wiping her mouth and met the maple eyes watching her, "Janet don't play me, you aren't ok with this and you know it. I know you want to think you are but you threatened to resign for God's sakes" she said finishing at first. 

"Don't tell me that was an easy thing for you to decide let alone admit to me. I want to help, I want to be there for you but if you keep hiding from how upset this makes you it will eat you up. Even I'm angry over the pain that all of us put Teal'c though" she admitted sadly. "At least you can say you tried to fight to prevent but I, along with the guys and the General, agreed to let him suffer. He damn near died Janet, the others and I almost killed him because we basically tied your hands. Can you honestly?" she said staring deeply into Janet's soft, brown eyes, "Say that you aren't angry with us over that?" 

"Of course I'm angry Sam. I'm a Doctor and don't like to see people suffer so to put me on the sidelines like that...I don't want to say it was," Janet said then took a bit of her salad. 

"I took an oath when I became a Doctor. Do no harm and I had to ignore that oath when dealing with Teal'c. Hell it isn't the first time since I have been here that I have had to ignore it. That's why I was ready to resign and to a degree I think I still am. I am having to do things that go against everything I believe in," Janet let a sign escape before taking a sip of her tea. 

"Yes" the woman admitted and then reached over putting her hand on top of Janet's comfortingly and still stared into her face. Sam wanted nothing more than to hold the woman, tenderly as a friend but also as a lover and show her so much joy but she couldn't, she wouldn't risk their friendship for something that would disgust her friend. 

"Janet you're the best doctor I have ever seen, daily you save not only those us at the SGC but this planet. You aren't treated right for it and you sure as hell aren't thanked enough for it and what happened with Teal'c, what usually happens, is that you got pushed to the side. You were treated like your feelings, your opinions didn't matter but I'm here to tell you that they matter, they forever matter to me and if I could have found a way to do what they wanted and to be there for you I would have done it" she said squeezing the hand tightly and lowered her voice. 

"I love you Janet and I'm always going to be there for you. You're a damned fine Doctor, I wouldn't even be seeing one if not for you so please, please don't resign." 

Infirmary: Fraiser's Office

Storming into the Infirmary twisting the folder in her hand she saw Fraiser over speaking with a nurse and locked eyes with her before storming into the woman's office and taking a seat, it wasn't more than a second or two that had passed before she was pacing the small room. She hadn't slept in over sixteen hours, with whoever watching her house she and Orlan had been trying to understand what was going on but she couldn't tell anyone about Orlan for fear they would then...Oh who knew, commit her or some stupid thing. 

Janet didn't like the look Carter gave her. She knew the other woman was pissed beyond words and was now probably pacing her office waiting for her. 

With A sign Janet entered her office and closed the door. "Sam you want to try sitting? It might help calm you," Janet said trying to keep her voice calm and soothing for Sam's sake. 

Pausing in her pacing the woman turned angry eyes on her friend and shook her head throwing the folder at her friend, "Don't Janet, just don't pretend you give a damn about how calm I am right now" she snapped and resumed pacing. "Look" she motioned to the folder; "Look at that though I'm sure you're familiar with it, you wrote it after all" she said and stopped to glare at her friend. "How could you Janet? WHY would you do that to me? You know I don't like dealing with Mackenzie, no one does" she said excitedly. 

Sam Carter didn't usually loose her cool for no reason but in this precise moment she was livid, she was furious and she was raving like she was crazy. 

Shocked a little by her friends actions she had to take a step back as the folder Sam threw hit her. 

"Sam, if you haven't figured it out yet. I care for you and I always will no matter what. But you have to understand, I am doing this in your best interests. You may not see it that way but its the truth," Janet said. 

"And as far as Mackenzie goes I don't like him either but he can help you where I can't. I'm not qualified to give my medical opinion in that field. I'm sorry, I wish I could help you but I don't have the knowledge you need right now." 

Taking a step closer Janet continued, "Be mad at me, be angry, hell even furious, but please don't ever shut me out." 

Just turning away the woman shook her head, Janet not believing her hurt. It ripped into her soul in a way that no one ever had before and she wanted nothing more at the moment than put her fist through something but as angry as she was she'd never strike Janet, not ever but she did take a step back from the woman, "I'm not crazy Janet." 

Resuming her pacing she glanced over at the doctor once in a while, "Possibility of severe psychiatric issue possibly contributed by stress, overwork and gate travel. Recommendation of immediate psychiatric assessment and removal from duty, that is what you said" she said coldly to her friend. "General Hammond won't let me work, every time I come to the base until you and Mackenzie get your head out of your ass I have an escort. I'm to go home and do nothing while everyone, including" she began and stopped to face Fraiser but didn't approach her. 

"My best friend, at least the person I thought was my best friend Janet betrays me; doesn't believe me and thinks I'm nuts and now...NOW you want me to believe you actually give a damn. Fat chance of that Doctor, I'm just another patient, an experiment perhaps to you aren't I?" 

"I'm sorry Sam," Janet tried as she approached her. But Sam would have none of it. 

"I don't know what to do here. I want to help you but apparently when I try all I'm doing is pissing you off. I never want to see you in hurt or in pain. I care too much for that, I love you." Janet moved away from Sam to the back of her office. 

"All you have to do is say the word. Tell me you want nothing more to do with me and I'll stop. You're the one that can cut me loose and I will comply with your wishes," Janet said wanting Sam to make the decision as to what direction they go in now. "You don't even have to keep me as your Doctor. I can arrange it so you have little or no contact with me." 

"You'd like that wouldn't you" Carter demanded following the woman but didn't get closer to her, "You'd like me to just make it all nice and tidy, no emotions, no realization that you are wrong. I tried being honest with you Janet, I submitted to everything you wanted me to thinking you knew better; you were the doctor and I was the patient so surely you must know" she began, her voice now less angry though the hurt was more evident. 

"I don't know what I want Janet, I know I wanted a friend that would support me and who I thought understood me enough to know that I wasn't crazy but I guess that was too much to hope for based on my past" she said shaking her head sadly and turned away. 

"Excuse me but I have an appointment with Mackenzie and if I'm late I'll either get a cell, a rubber room or perhaps I'll be really lucky and someone will shoot me and put me out of everyone's misery." 

"You want me to say it, you want to hear it," Janet said raising her voice. "Fine, I was WRONG, I made a bad call in the heat of the moment and I was wrong. I let me feelings for you cloud my judgment and I'm sorry. I can't say that enough and nothing I could do will ever make this up to you. I know I lost the trust you placed in me and that cuts me more than you will ever know." 

With that Janet moved passed Sam and to the door. "I'll let you get to you appointment." With that the door was open and Janet left. 

Almost as if in a fog Sam moved and then stopped, she stared at the woman before her just stared and didn't say anything for a long moment. Blinking was all she was aware of and she heard Janet asking her if she was all right but she didn't say anything, she couldn't as it was like she was seeing the woman for the first time, really seeing her. 

She was vaguely aware of the door closing and of Fraiser coming up to her and asking again if she was all right but she never took her eyes off Janet and simply blinked at her, unsure of what she felt for the moment or perhaps it was what she finally felt. 

 

Flashback To Rite Of Passage 

 

Infirmary

Brushing hair out of the sleeping girls face Sam Carter stood up and leaned over to kiss her niece's head lightly. She glanced across the bed and saw the girl's mother and Sam's best friend in the whole world holding tightly to Cassie's hand, her head lowered on her arm apparently asleep and had to smile. The two women had been pushing themselves so much since Cassandra got sick, Janet doubly so than Sam however. Not only was she trying to find an answer but also she had to fight Cassandra to keep fighting. Add to that drugging a sergeant and threatening a Goa'uld with a sidearm all conspired to make the doctor's resolve as Cassandra's mother only stronger. 

Leaning back a second to crack her back she saw one of the nurse's heading over and started to wake Fraiser to tell her to go to bed but the blond woman shook her head and walked over, carefully picking Janet up in her arms and settled the weight, her hand still locked in Cassandra's. She met the nurse's eyes and inclined her head toward the hands, she wasn't about to pull them apart by force but Janet needed to sleep and really rest for the first time in several days. 

Hearing light mumbling she glanced down to see tired doe like eyes staring up at her and gave a goofy grin, "As soon as Abby disentangles you from Cassie I'm taking you to bed Janet; you're exhausted." 

Janet just nodded her agreement to Sam moving her. She just didn't have the energy to talk and as soon as she removed her hand from Cassie's she brought it up and curled her fingers into Sam's shirt. She was relishing this contact with Sam and drawing strength from her. 

Janet felt exhausted like she hadn't slept in a month. Her body ached and her eyes were still a little puffy. 

Thanking the staff and saying they'd be back in a few hours and to call if there was a change Sam Carter saw Colonel O'Neil and Daniel come in but shook her head before they spoke and moved past them, she didn't want to disturb Janet. As they moved carefully and steadily toward the stairs since Sam Carter couldn't get her hand free to slide an ID card at the elevator she had to smile at the touch the woman was giving her. It drove Sam's heart almost into her throat and she felt anymore at the moment and she'd explode and ravish the beautiful woman in the middle of the corridor no matter who was watching. 

Feeling the woman shift Sam leaned down and gently kissed her cheek, "Shhh....Just relax Janet, I've got you. We'll get you into bed soon, promise." 

Janet was half away and half asleep when she heard Sam speak. "Mmm, bed," Janet, mumbled thinking it would be nice to have Sam in her bed as a lover. "Love to have you in bed," was the followed mumble before Janet fell back to sleep. 

If Sam Carter hadn't been a trained front line soldier she would have likely dropped Janet and as she stopped in the middle of the hall and studied her she shook her blond head lightly, she must have heard her wrong. With her emotions so unsure of themselves she leaned down and kissed the woman, partially on the cheek but then she went a little closer before straightening up, "I got you Janet, it's ok" she whispered again and resumed walking slowly, purposefully. Yes she must have heard the woman wrong. 

 

Flashback To 2001 

 

Infirmary

After her rather 'unrehearsed and undignified' exit from the Stargate before ordering the Iris closed Major Samantha Carter found herself lying out on her stomach with an open hospital gown from the waist up and arched up as her best friend prodded the huge bruise along her back and shoulders from her collision with the ramp earlier and sighed. "Damn Janet, watch it huh? That hurts." 

The fact was they had been lucky, the Aschen seemed to be everything Earth needed and yet they hadn't trusted them. They had worked covertly to prove that the aliens had a plan to take over the planet once the alliance was signed but the Major couldn't help but feeling they had lost too much, Ambassador Joe Faxom had perished before Sam could save him and she blamed herself for that. 

"Sorry," Janet said easing her touch. "I need to check to see if anything is broken. I'll give you pain meds in a sec." Being done with her poking and prodding Janet stepped away from Sam and brought her back something for the pain. 

"Here take these," Janet said handing them to Sam with some water. "You really did a number on your body this time," the pain that seeing Sam like this clearly evident in her voice. Janet just wished Sam would take better care of herself, if her beautiful body and wonderful mind. 

"Well it wasn't by choice Janet" she answered seriously and downed the pills but dry and sat the water aside before lying her head down. "Ambassador Faxom didn't make it," she said sadly. "The Aschen were preparing to send a bomb through the gate when they thought we weren't serious in the alliance talks. He ...he bought me the time I needed to get away and rolling out was the only option I had" she said and then started to set up but felt a hand on her shoulder. 

"Something wrong Janet" she asked. "I have a ton of work to do." 

"Sorry," Janet said sadly. "I just hate seeing you hurt." Janet quickly blinked away the forming tears. 

"I might be mean to say this but I'm glad the ambassador gave his life to let you escape." With that Janet stepped back and informed Sam she was released and that she could dress. 

Janet placed the file in the box in the main infirmary and headed to her office to write her report to Hammond. 

Wincing slowly Sam managed to get dressed and thanked the nurses but moved to Janet's office and studied the woman as she walked in and sank tiredly down into the chair. At moments like this she wished the woman was more than her friend but of course that wasn't going to happen and it hurt on one level to know it wouldn't ever happen. "I'm not glad anyone died so that I could escape Janet but I am glad I made it back, I have a lot I'd miss about this place and...." 

She watched the doctor look at her intently and instead studied her face and smiled, "A lot of people I'd miss. Am I cleared to go back to work or do I have to like rest or something? I already told the General what I could and he said I could debrief tomorrow." 

"I'm not happy someone died either Sam, but if I had to make a choice between him or you. You would win hands down," Janet said seriously. 

"As far as rest goes it would be nice for you to get some but it's not going to affect anything if you don't. Just remember that you have some pretty badly bruised muscles in your back and that they are going to be sore for a while. Just don't over exert yourself or you'll have to face my wrath," Janet added with a slight smile not wanting to envision a world without Sam, without the woman she loved but could never be with. 

Nodding at the first statement Sam stood up and then her eyes shifted from her friend and doctor to the couch in Janet's office and walked over sitting down and then turned, with only a light wince, to grab the blanket off the back, "Give me a hand here" she said to the woman softly. 

"I mean" Sam said looking over at her and had to smile, no matter what happened the love she felt just being around her woman, and that was how she liked to think of her, it made her feel better. "Assuming you don't mind my lying down here until you get off? Then I figure you can take me home with you and baby me for the night, massage those badly bruised muscles of mine if you want to." 

"You have some high hopes there Major," Janet said playfully and she gave Sam a little applause. 

"Thank you, thank you very much," she answered in her best acceptance speech voice. "Now quit being funny and come over here and get me comfortable Janet and if anyone looks for me tell them you sedated me." 

"Major Carter report to the labs" came over the intercom. 

The woman rolled her eyes and she looked at Fraiser, "Any chance you can say I'm too sick to go? Or really sedate me" she asked clearly not wanting to go at the moment. After everything with the Aschen she needed to be near her friend, not some lab, which had to be a first time, thought for Sam. 

"Sure, I'll give you a get out of work pass. But just this once," Janet said with a smirk. "Give me a minute to sweet talk whoever wants you and then I'll help with the comfy part." 

Janet reached for the phone on her desk and called to the labs. She informed them that Major Carter was in the infirmary and was unable to help them until further notice. She also said that there were enough people down there that could put their minds together to figure it out. 

"Ok now to make you comfortable," Janet said moving to the couch. She pulled the blanket off the back and waited for Sam to lay down before draping it over her. 

Smiling the blond woman laid down and winked up at Janet carefully, "Bless your little medical excuse filled head. I just want to lay around until someone gives me my massage later." 

"And what makes you think you are going to get that message?" Janet asked a twinkle in her eyes and merriment in her voice. 

Settling back Sam smiled and watched the woman tuck her in and she patted the couch beside her for her to sit down, "Because I have a best friend that is cute, has wonderful hands and who would do anything I asked her to help me feel better. Sound like enough reason Janet" she asked with an innocent look and then pulled a hand out. 

Gently she tapped her own forehead, "Kiss night and then you go work while I sleep" she said and giggled. "I think I like being the boss in this friendship, you going to salute me too?" 

"I don't think I want to salute you but I will give you the kiss," Janet said as she leaned forward and placed a feather light kiss on Sam's forehead. "As for the message. If I give you one what do I get out of it?" Janet asked with a mischievous smirk on her face. Though her mind was creating a list a mile long. 

~Oh my mind really shouldn't be going there~ the Major thought blushing lightly. "Uh we'll have to see, if you can make those muscles of mine behave I'll make you breakfast in bed the next morning, deal" she asked smiling to Janet. 

Janet's eyes glazed over momentarily as her mind wondered to other places. But just as soon as the look appeared it was masked. "Maybe," Janet said walking over to her desk. 

"By the way you look cute when you blush," Janet stated with a smile then added, "And what where you thinking that made you blush in the first place?" 

~I hope it involved us and a bed and kissing and....No don't go there Janet. ~ She thought. 

~You, sex, food, more sex, and me~ she thought but instead just smiled and settled down gently. "Nothing important Janet, night. Oh and if I start to bother you just wake me up ok?" 

 

Flashback To Meridian 

 

Gate Room

Watching her father leave through the Stargate Sam Carter felt like her whole world had come tumbling in over the last few days. She was scared, angry, upset and more at the moment and the last thing she wanted to do was take downtime but the General had insisted so here she was in her lab, after watching the Colonel and Teal'c leaving to go fishing, gathering up her laptop and some other things she could work on at home. If she kept working she wouldn't have to face the fact, the truth that Daniel was gone. 

Carter's Lab

Not dead but not alive either; she didn't know what to do for him. Should she mourn him and move on, hold out hope that he'd be back one day, just figure it was above her understanding and try to forget him because that option; hell none of them were going to happen. She and the rest of SG-1 were like lost children, Daniel had been their voice and his own sense of moral righteousness had gotten him the radiation poising that would eventually kill him but she hadn't been able to pull a miracle out this time; oh she had tried and failed and now Daniel was gone...gone forever and she couldn't do a damn thing about it. 

In anger she picked up something; she didn't even know what it was and threw it toward a wall watching it smash and even that didn't make her feel better. After Daniel had ascended Janet had tried to get Sam to stay; to go home with her where they could talk; and Carter knew that both women needed one another but right now it hurt and it was going to keep hurting for a long time to come. Her friend had tried everything short of actually forcing the sedative that she wanted the woman to take onto her and Sam had slunk away while the doctor was busy. 

Janet knocked at the lab door just to announce her presents. "I thought I would stop by and ask one more time if you would stay at my home before I headed out?" Janet asked softly. 

"Is that a professional or personal question" she asked going toward the wall with a sigh and leaned down to pick up the broken whatever she had thrown, the emotions hitting her hard right now but not just about loosing Daniel. 

She knew how hard this was for Janet and as much as she wanted to help she knew she couldn't, she didn't know whether to comfort her like he died, was gone on a trip or what. 

"It's been a personal question but if its something you don't want to do then fine. I'm not forcing you. Just know my doors always open if you change your mind," Janet quietly voiced. Them turned around and headed to the elevator. She didn't wait long as the elevator arrived to take her up to the surface, just this time the trip seemed twice as long. She walked to her car and started the engine coasting to the checkpoint. The lieutenant cleared her and she took off for home. 

She wished Sam had come, she wanted more than anything to have Sam hold her but she had refused and Janet wasn't going to force the issue. So deep in though she didn't even realize she was turning on to her street, she had driven home on automatic. Pulling into the driveway and parking Janet headed inside. She wasn't in the mood to put anything away so she just dropped her bag and coat on the floor next to her shoes and went to fix herself a glass of scotch. 

It was almost two hours later when a very drunk and sloppy Sam Carter arrived at Janet's door. She had remembered that Cassie was staying with O'Neil when the word about Daniel had come in and after Janet had left the woman alone earlier she felt like a real piece of shit. 

Her friend needed her and she had ran, she needed her friend and more but she had ran and where had she ran, straight to a local bar and gotten so shit faced drunk she had walked when the bartender refused to give her the keys to her car. It had started to rain that just fit her mood and she was sopping wet as she knocked on the door over and over again, not realizing how late it was. 

Janet was sitting on the coach in the dark drink her third glass of scotch when she heard someone knocking. She hoped that if she didn't answer it or make any sound they would think no one was home and leave. The only person she wanted didn't want her. 

Sighing Sam pounded louder, "Jan....JANET" came the hollered slurred words and finally she turned to leave and fell right off the porch, busting her face on the concrete, "OW, DAMN IT" she hollered as the rain poured on her and she spit the blood from her mouth and started to push herself up on all fours. 

Janet heard her visitor calling for her then she heard a yell of pain and instinct driven she ran towards the down switching on the porch lights. 

What she saw would have been funny if not for recent events. 

"Sam what happened? Are you ok?" Janet asked as she knelt next to her friends looking at her carefully. "What are you doing here?" 

Janet didn't care about her appearance after all anyone she worked with new what had transpired and wouldn't blame her one bit for grieving. 

"Looking...for you" Sam said and rolled over with a moan. She turned her head to the side and spit out the blood again and moaned, "Not...best way to see your beautiful eyes though" she slurred, it was clear she was really drunk and in pain. Taking a tumble down four steps or so would do a little damage. 

"Sam," Janet said softly helping the blonde to her feet. She could smell the liquor on her. "Why didn't you come here instead of getting drunk?" Janet asked the hurt visible in her voice and through her expression. 

"Didn't...help...you" she mumbled lightly in the rain and found herself leaning heavily on the woman. Her chest, head and face hurt to beat hell and the blood was still coming and she turned to spit it out again, "Think...bleeding" she slurred again, almost so Janet couldn't make it out. "I...should go." 

"Sam don't, don't leave me again," Janet said her voice laced with pain. "Please stay," she pleaded. 

Ignoring her own pain she held Janet tightly, the fire their closeness brought something fighting the alcohol at this stage, "Out of...the rain" she said softly and with a little more determination now that she had a goal in mind. "Inside." 

Janet wrapped her arms tightly around Sam as she was hugged. "Yeah before you get sick. You're soaked," Janet said. "Lets get you into some dry clothes and wrapped in a blanket. Maybe some coffee too." 

Janet started to move back towards the house still half embraced by Sam, it was a little awkward but they managed and Janet lead Sam to the kitchen. "Sit here why I get you some dry clothes or do you want to take a hot shower?" 

A little bit more coherent, mainly because of the adrenaline she felt from being close to Janet the woman shivered lightly, "Better...Better take a look first" she said and raised her face to the lights so she could see the scrapes, blood and dirt soaked face. "I'm...I'm sorry Janet." 

"Don't be sorry Sam," Janet took a wet cloth and began to wipe the dirt and blood away. 

"The good news, its just a bunch of scrapes and cuts. Nothing is broken. You're lucky," Janet said lightly caressing Sam's cheek. 

Relaxing into the touch for a long moment Carter felt the woman's soft hands on her skin, watched her kneel down after tossing the rag down on the table and started to run her hands under Sam's shirt to feel her stomach and ribs. Suddenly she couldn't take anymore, "I love you" Carter blurted out half drunken but just as truthful. 

Present Time

Fraiser Residence

Laughing hard at the final story Major Samantha Carter shook her head, "We certainly have had some 'interesting' times Janet I'm telling you" the woman reminded her reaching over for the popcorn at the exact same time that Janet did. Their fingers met in the bowl and as Sam's touched Janet's gently she felt a spark, a deep warmth that she hadn't been aware of before and as her eyes met her best friends she smiled before clearing her throat quickly and she yanked her hand back, she couldn't force Janet to feel that way and she wouldn't even if she could force it. "Sorry Janet." 

Janet just smiled at Sam, she knew Sam had to have felt the same thing that momentary spark before contact was lost. Janet wanted to push Sam; she knew how she felt but was still a little iffy on Sam's feelings so it was high time to put her plans into action. 

Janet grabbed the bowl completely holding it out of Sam's reach as she repositioned herself on the coach. Now instead of sitting next to Sam she was laying down with her head pillowed in Sam's lap and the bowl sitting on her stomach in reach of both of them. 

"We have had some interesting moments and as I recall I'm the one always having to baby you so I think it's high time to turn the tables. Now its your turn to baby me," Janet said with a smile. "Popcorn please," and opened her mouth. 

With a wide grin and shitting so the woman's head was lying more over her sex and less on her leg to be pillowed Sam reached for a piece of popcorn, "What if I start to enjoy it too much" she asked gently letting it fall into Janet's mouth with a smile and leaned over to kiss her forehead tenderly, almost like a mother but the passion was underlying. 

She could never have her but it was a wonderful fantasy and just the presence of Janet's head in her lap was making her sopping wet, she could feel it through her jeans. 

Janet was enjoying teasing Sam. "Well if you start to enjoy it I might have to think of something else for you to feed me. I will probably be as big as a house but if you don't mind..." Janet let her voice trail off. 

"I don't mind anything with you Janet" Carter said her eyes twinkling and wishing as her mind wandered that Janet's mouth was toying with the very part of her anatomy it was lying on but it brought up another bit of a memory. 

"You know I was just thinking about the time we were in Antarctica, you remember that" she asked her friend. 

"How could one forget," Janet said. "More popcorn please." As Sam went to place a cornel in her mouth Janet managed to draw Sam's index finger in as well as the cornel and sucked on it lightly. 

~OH man it's definitely hot in here~ Sam Carter thought as she watched Janet's lips tenderly playing with her finger. She felt the woman's tongue and immediately smiled. 

 

Flashback To Frozen 

 

Antarctica: Science Base

Ever since the research team at the Antarctic station had become sick after being around Aiyana her best friend Doctor Janet Fraiser had been like a woman possessed. She hadn't balked at any of the information being presented to her or the realization that all of them, Janet included, were going to get very sick before they got better. Sam had only seen her so driven once before, when Cassie was sick and despite her attempts to get the woman to take it easy she had simply kept working; knowing the answer had to be somewhere. 

Sam knew that Janet partially blamed herself for all of them being sick, she had stated she should have followed standard procedures but Carter had tried to convince her that there was no proof that would have stopped this. So far Sam had managed not to admit she was sick, her throat tickled and according to her thermometer that she had borrowed when no one was looking she had a low grade fever and she knew that she should tell her friend but she wasn't going to add to her burden so instead slid the thermometer back into her parka pocket and went to find Janet, see if she could help in some way. 

Jonas was in talking with Aiyana and Teal'c and the Colonel were briefing the SGC over the phone but apparently late last night Aiyana had healed Doctors Michaels, Osborne and Woods earlier so that meant that only the SGC team were going to get sick. They thought perhaps Aiyana could heal all of them but Janet was wanting her to rest before she tried, apparently doing any healing took a lot out of her physical body and so they had to wait to even try; assuming any of them lasted that long. 

She'd been putting Janet off for a while, the woman had wanted to get full check ups while she had time on all members of SG-1 and based on watching the way Teal'c and Jack had been walking lately she knew they had been finished already. She found her friend, her secret lover sitting in the small work area she had commandeered as her office and offered a smile coming up; "You find anything interesting during the Colonel and Teal'c's physicals Janet?" 

"Not really just more of the same. God this thing is driving me nuts. I can't seem to isolate any part of it," Janet said her frustration getting the better part of her. She had been sitting at the microscope for almost a full day and her neck was paying for it. She sat up straighter and tried to rub the kinks out but it wasn't working. 

"Janet" Carter said coming up behind her and gently pushed the woman's hands away so she could massage her neck, "Sit back, just relax for a few minutes. You'll find the answer but killing yourself isn't it" she said and kissed the top of her head gently. "Come on now, sit back." 

Janet did as Sam said and leaned backed allowing Sam's wonderful strong hands to work some magic on her muscles. "Know I shouldn't push myself but if I don't we may all die," Janet said honestly. "Mmm Sam that feels good." 

"It's supposed to silly" she chastised pressing her fingers tightly into her friend's, her lover in her mind, flesh and kneaded it for seconds, "Pushing yourself to exhaustion isn't helping us Janet. We'll find the answer, together and I promise but I am worried about you." 

Janet smiled at the thought that Sam was worried about her. "With you here I feel like I could do just about anything." 

Carter smiled as she kept massaging Janet's neck and sighed at the situation not her, "We'll find the answer Janet and you semi ignored my question" she said softly. 

"Have you started to come down with this virus yet or not Janet?" 

"Its not that I ignored your question. I just haven't tested myself," Janet said. "Speaking of which you have yet to show up for your tests missy." 

"That's ok, I never get sick" she joked and both laughed lightly as Sam kept working. "Is there a specific reason you haven't tested yourself or are you just of the belief that if you don't know then you can beat it by mind control?" 

"Yeah right, never get sick." Janet sighed, "I guess that's a little bit of the reason I haven't tested myself, that and I'm too busy trying to find a cure." 

"You will Janet, we all will" Carter proclaimed proudly and leaned over kissing her head again. "We're the unstoppable SG-1 and you're a part of us too so you have our 'charmed' luck" she said trying to remain upbeat. 

"I saw Teal'c and the Colonel walking a little funny earlier," she said good-naturedly. "I know what you were busy doing too Janet" she joked. 

"Well lets just hope luck doesn't run out on us." Janet dropped her head forward exposing more of her neck to Sam's hands. "That feels so good. I wish I could take you home after every shift and get this kind of treatment." 

~Don't I wish you could~ Sam thought and nodded moving her hands up Janet's neck slightly. "Portable Sam Carter in a box huh? I bet I could work that out; it may just take me a few days. I'll see what I can come up with Janet" she promised and then leaned over pressing a kiss to her best friend's exposed neck before clearing her throat. 

"Uh anyway what kinds of tests did you want me for? And you feel a little warm by the way Janet, you sure you're ok?" 

"I only want a portable Carter if its life size. Mmm," Janet moaned again enjoying Sam's touch and the light kisses. Why couldn't they be together, why couldn't Sam see her as Janet viewed her. 

"I need to take some blood, temperature as well as blood pressure. I don't know about me. I do feel a bit warm so I am probably in the early stages. As far as Teal'c, junior is trying his best to fight it but not winning so far and the Colonel is the worst of us. He is the farthest along in the stages." 

"Well that O'Neil temperament will likely knock it on it's butt Janet, you know how he is" she said and dropped her hands from the woman's neck. "Tests await but I know you're purposely not saying full check up which you already said earlier. My favorite" she thought ironically and smiled, when Janet was doing it the GYN part of the tests sure didn't bother her much. The hard part was to keep the squirming and the feelings of passion out of her 'professional' responses. 

"Oh and I am running a fever, nothing you should worry about though." 

"Well if you really want a full physical feel free to strip and I'll be more than happy to give you one," Janet said without thinking but mentally added ~and let me hands roam over that nice taught physic of yours. ~ Janet had to mentally sigh and collect herself after all she can't be giving Sam tests while thinking like that. Who knows what would happen then. 

~OH man, don't I wish you would. If not for the current crisis and the fact you'd be totally disgusted with me~ she thought lightly and watched Janet stand up, "Oh please, like you'd give me a real choice Janet" she asked watching her friend come over and put a hand on her forehead lightly. 

"I told you I'm fine, so you want to go poke my cervix or what? I know it makes you in a good mood, we really have to get you a new hobby Doctor." 

Janet pretended to pout. "But I like poking." She gave Sam a sultry look from under her eyelashes. "And I always worry about you because I care so much. And what do you mean like I would give you a real choice?" Janet questioned a bit curious. 

Janet went about getting all that she needed for her tests. 

"Tell me something I don't know" Sam said following her into the exam room and paused looking at the table in disdain as a woman but as a passion filled vixen knowing that soon her love; at least in her mind, was going to be exploring her body intimately even under the ruse of a medical exam made her seem even hotter. 

She offered a smile when Janet told her to strip and put on the gown at the foot of the bed, "Always fun times with you Janet I must say" she said watching her and proceeded to unzip her coat slowly. "At least it's you though; you're usually pretty understanding about these things." 

When Sam had finished putting on the gown Janet returned and placed the thermometer in her mouth. She breathed heavily to warm up her stethoscope a little placing it on Sam's back. "So you really think we are going to get out of this OK?" Janet asked a little unsure. 

Reaching up she took the instrument from her mouth, Janet didn't need her temp and she settled down feeling the other woman's hand on her shoulder and tried to keep her breathing regular, "Of course I do Janet. We've faced worse than this and come out of it and I mean seriously," she said glancing over at her. 

"Between your brain and my brain with Jonas's sense of adventure, the Colonel's stubbornness and Teal'c's...well Teal'c's raised eyebrow do you think we actually are going to let a little alien virus stop us? Come on, you know better." 

Janet smirked at Sam's little bit of making fun of Teal'c's eyebrow raise. She sighed heavily and rested her forehead on the bare spot between Sam's shoulder blades. "I'm sorry I'm dumping all this on you Sam. You don't need to be hearing any of it." 

With the crinkle of the paper filling the room Carter turned around and pulled Janet toward her, medical exam or not she was the woman's friend, "Bull Janet and you know it. We're all in this together and I don't ever want you to hide your feelings from me," she said rubbing her back. 

"Ok, I admit it's a little awkward in a hospital gown to talk about emotions but no hiding emotions from me Janet and I won't hide them from you. Deal?" 

"Deal," Janet said and leaned forward giving Sam a kiss on the cheek. "I love you. You know that right? I'd do anything for you." Janet said then moved to get the alcohol prep pad to clean Sam's arm. 

"I need to take that blood sample," Janet looked at Sam's arm for a good vein and started to clean the area. Once clean she began to draw the needed blood. 

"I love you too" Sam said watching the vial fill and then looked up into the woman's eyes and smiled, "We'll beat this Janet, I promise you and I'm not about to make a promise I can't keep to you. I mean" she said good naturedly, "You'd be mad at me for all eternity if I did and as the Colonel says you have big honkin' needles" though both knew shots never bothered Sam. "Oh and I took out your thermometer too" she said handing it to her. 

 

Flashback To Allegience 

 

Fraiser's Office

After the events at the Alpha site Sam was grateful when all the team was back through the Stargate and things were quieting down at the SGC. She'd helped out as much as she could and decided it was time to call it a day; after almost forty-eight hours off world, debriefing, deciding to help get the equipment organized, and a medical post mission she was tired and for once wasn't going to make a big issue about going home. She knew Cassandra was away so deciding perhaps they could make a girl's weekend together she went in search of Janet and found her bent over a report at her desk and smiled leaning against the doorway, "Didn't your doctor ever tell you it's a sign of exhaustion when you're squinting at reports? For some reason mine tells me that all the time" Sam stated in a bit of a joking voice. "What you reading?" 

Janet smiled; she loved to hear Sam's voice especially when she was in a good mood. "Just Warner's report on his exam on Feretti. Nothing very interesting, and its actually putting me to sleep," Janet said rubbing her eyes. 

"Like you needed another reason" she asked in disbelief and sat in a chair opposite her friend. "So what are you doing for a four day downtime? I have to head into Denver to speak at the AF Academy, it was arranged through the General and I can't back out now." 

"Poor you," Janet said. "Having to give a lecture on Wormhole theories. Something you hate to do," she joked. 

"I'll probably stay on base till they kick me out then go home and read. Maybe work in the garden and if I can sneak some files out I might be able to catch up on all the paper work I'm behind on." 

"Careful Janet" Sam joked with a wink, "Keep picking on me and I won't bring you back a present. No Cassie this weekend that you're going to be all alone?" 

"She's at a party" Janet admitted, "And then a sleepover until Sunday." 

"I could bring the Colonel over and drop him off" Carter joked and winked. "Was it your coffee table he fell over and wrenched his knee on last time or was it the time he fell off the porch?" 

"I don't know but whenever he is there something goes wrong. I don't mind the company, hell I like it when someone else is there with me but not if I have to treat any injuries," Janet said wishing Sam wasn't leaving town. 

Standing up the woman nodded and then snapped her fingers and had a marvelous idea, purely selfish to get the woman alone too, "I have a great idea, why don't you come with me to Denver? The base covered a colleague going with me and I'm sure the medical classes would love it if you dropped by" she said proudly. 

"They wanted you to give more talks after last time right? You could do some Q&A discussions or something if you don't want to sit through my lecture Janet." 

"I don't know. There are so many things for me to do here. As much as I love you company and the time we spend together I'm not sure its a great idea," Janet said thinking ~If I had you alone in a hotel room that would be bad very bad I could wind up ravishing your body and making love to you all night long. ~ 

"Oh come on," Sam said smiling. "You can take your laptop, your files and work in the hotel room. It was cheaper for a double anyway so it's already paid for. We could have a great time, besides I am worried about you after the last mission" she admitted slowly. 

"Seriously Janet I would love to have you along, we can have a lot of fun and you can help me with my lecture if you want" she said. ~Or just let me make wild passionate sex to you in the hotel room in between sessions. ~ 

"Fun. Lecturing fun? Only you would think that. Besides I can't help you, I understand nothing of wormhole theories," Janet said still trying to get out of it. She didn't trust herself with Sam alone in a hotel room even if she did want to go. 

"Oh come on, you know way more than you think" she said with a smile. "Besides if you don't agree to go with me then I won't let you give me that flu shot you've been chasing me for a week." 

Janet laughed, really laughed. "You are evil, you know that Sam." She paused a moment or two deep in thought. 

"I guess I can go as long as I can give you the flu shot before we leave," Janet relented. 

"Now that is absolute blackmail Janet" she joked but walked back over and sat her stuff down. "Ok, but just for that you better not snore once all the way on the drive to Denver. Where you do you want me to poke your holes?" 

Janet just gave Sam an odd look, "It's a deal fly girl. Now let me get that shot." 

She returned a second later with a small filled needle and emptied the contents in Sam's shoulder. "There all done. See that wasn't so bad," Janet said smiling. "So when do you want to leave?" 

Janet was unsure she made the right decision after all what she was feeling for Sam has kept growing, she hoped she could control herself on this trip. 

Rubbing her shoulder the Major turned to her friend and smiled, those eyes of Janet's were the woman's absolute downfall. She could loose her soul forever in them, "Uh as soon as you can be ready. I'll let the General know that you're with me and will go clean out the car. If you're going to be more than a few minutes I can work in my lab until you're ready" she finished a genuine smile coming to her face. 

"Thanks, hardly hurt at all but don't tell anyone I said that, it will ruin your reputation." 

Janet laughed, "I don't think my reputation could ever be ruined with the Colonel around. I am pretty much done here but need to go home and pack. Why don't you pick me up there in about twenty minutes?" Janet asked 

"I'll take you" Sam volunteered reaching down in the chair for her coat. "We'll come back to the base when we get back and you can get your car, it will be fine here for a few days. Let me just call the General, you gather your stuff and we can go" she said proudly. 

"Oh and leave the needles at home this time Janet" she joked and saw the odd look. "Hey with the Colonel out of your hair for a week I have to make up for him. If you want I can yell Doc across the Infirmary Janet." 

"Ok," Janet said. Then threw over her shoulder at same time. "I'm not going to miss the Colonel so don't act like him unless you want to enjoy some of those big needles." Janet smiles innocently at her friend. 

"Threats, threats, threats Janet. All talk and no action" she said going to pick up her laptop case and briefcase. "I'll meet you up top when you're ready and don't keep me waiting, I might like that" she said with an evilly wink. 

Janet's eyes just went wide at Sam's last comment, oh yea she was getting herself it to some serious trouble this time. She headed to her office to grab her laptop and briefcase, which had a few files she could work on. Now she found herself in the elevator almost topside. 

As she exited and made her way to Sam's car she noticed the tall blonde leaning against the trunk deep in thought. "Well, I'm done here, lets go pack," Janet said. 

Coming out of her reverie the woman was shocked with how beautiful her best friend, her lover in her mind at the moment, looked and thought back to the dream she was having or rather the fantasy. She and Janet had been naked on the bed, Sam was on top and...."Uh sure Janet, here let me take that" she said approaching to take the briefcase and the case. 

"The General said to give you this by the way" Sam finished handing her a file. "Apparently there is a case at the Veterans Hospital he wants you to consult on; since you were going anyway he didn't think you'd mind. Said I was to make you have fun too." 

"Not a problem, maybe a little work will keep me out of trouble," Janet joked and had a mischievous look in her eyes. ~And for making me have fun I know plenty of ways~ was her unspoken answer. 

"Only a little work Janet, I'm still expecting you to sit through at least one of my sessions so I have something to keep my mind focused" she said seriously walking over and opening the passenger door and smiled. "In you go my dear" she said. 

Staring at her Sam's eyes started at her friend's feet and kept roaming up, up farther and farther up her body thinking, oh thinking things she shouldn't but couldn't help. If only there was any chance for that. 

"I could get used to this," Janet said then clarified, "the way you are treating me." Then a slow blush started to move from her neck to her cheeks. 

"No less than you deserve" Carter admitted with a smile and thought how she'd worship the ground the woman walked on if she only loved her the way Sam did. 

"Now if you don't get in I may make you ride in the trunk Janet, and I haven't moved the stuff from there yet so..." she motioned to the car again with her head. "Get in Doctor." 

Janet moved to the passenger seat and got in as Sam made sure her hands and feet weren't in the way before she closed the door. 

When Sam went around and climbed into the driver's seat Janet spoke, "You don't have to go out of your way for me. I'm already your friend." 

Buckling her own seatbelt the woman started the car; "I don't see it as going out of my way Janet" she said turning blue eyes on her friend and smiled. "You take care of me all the time, is it really too much to ask that I show you a little consideration now and then? I don't think it is," she admitted slowly. 

"Now relax, lay back and we'll be at your place soon and then on the way to Denver you can nap, I'll drive." 

Janet was lost in Sam's blue eyes for what seemed like an eternity. "I don't know what I would ever do without you Sam. And that's the truth," Janet said honestly. 

"Hey" the woman said shrugging lightly, "You aren't ever going to have to worry about that. I have a great doctor that is going to keep me immortal forever, even though she does like to go exploring once in a while," she said with a wink. 

"Blanket and pillow in the back if you want them otherwise chat about anything you like. We'll be there soon" she said slipping the car into gear and backed out getting her ID out of her coat pocket. 

For two and a half days the two women had a wonderful time in Denver, they ate, shopped and just spent time together as friends. Janet had sat through Sam's first lecture and then taken her out to dinner to celebrate before going to the hospital to see her consulting patient the next day. 

After another full day of lectures with the best and brightest that the Air Force had to offer in the future Major Sam Carter was typing at her laptop when she saw the door open and her friend coming in wearing green hospital scrubs and she had to smile, those always made Janet's frame look so slim and sexy, "Hey" she said with a nod. 

"Who threw up on you? You never wear scrubs unless someone spoiled your clothes." 

"Well, since you busy with your lectures and I had already finished the consulting job I went to pay a visit to the medical classroom. Big mistake on my part, they were studying cadavers today for the first time and the instructor asked me to help teach so I did," Janet shrugged. "Let just say that one of the students couldn't handle the smell." 

Janet went over and flopped on the bed. "I don't mind wearing these things but I wish people would just stop throwing up on me." 

Quickly Carter covered her mouth and tried hard not to laugh but the thought of Janet teaching and then one of the students just loosing their lunch...well she imagined Janet under the hot water of the shower, soaping up those lovely round orbs that she had brushed but only in a feathery gesture. ~Carter you better stop or you're not going to be able to control yourself~ she thought. 

"Uh...How...how about I draw you a bath? You can soak and I'll order up room service Janet. Then we can relax, watch a movie or whatever you want all right?" 

Smile at her friend, "That would be wonderful Sam. You seem to know just what I want," mentally adding ~most of the time except when I want you. ~ 

"It's not that hard, if someone threw up on me I'd want a bath," she said winking and stood up heading toward the bathroom. 

"So come on," she said starting the water and getting it warm. "Tell me details, did you play nice with the future heads of the medical world Janet" she asked dumping in some bubble bath and thought about how she wanted her hands running over Fraiser's naked body under the bubbles. 

"Me play nice with others. Of course," she said lightheartedly with a smile. 

"And I wasn't just referring to this Sam," Janet said gesturing to the bath. "Its everything." 

While Sam finished with the bath Janet started to remove her shoes then let her hair down. 

"Hey at least you didn't bring me along to act as model while you lectured" Carter joked and walked over to Janet gently. "Here let me help, I know getting thrown up on spoils my mood and you do it regularly. Have I ever told you?" she asked with a smile, only inches from her best friend. 

"How proud I am of you? You are the best doctor I've ever seen Janet, you can fix anything and anyone and we all know it." 

Janet blushed at Sam's comment. "Thanks. Now into the hot suds with me," she decided and finished removing the scrubs before climbing into the tub that was roomy enough for two. ~Wish you would join me~ instead "Thanks Sam let me know when dinner arrives," was said. 

Standing with Janet's scrubs in her hand the woman turned to face her and was struck with the image, it was like one of her fantasies come to life and she barely heard the question only nodding in response. Her breath felt hot, she watched the rise and fall of the woman's chest in the suds and quickly pointed to the white robe on the counter and Fraiser's pajamas, "Uh I laid out your stuff. Let me know...I mean I can...well I mean" she began again blushing lightly. 

"If you need anything just holler Janet, I can wash your back or massage or wash your feet...whatever you need all right?" 

Janet bestowed one of her brightest smiles on Sam. God how she loved that woman, "I think I'm all right for now but I'll holler if I need anything." 

Janet sat back and enjoyed the nice warmth as it seeped into her muscles. 

A bit disappointed she nodded, "I'll order up the food, you should have about an hour" she said and retreated. 

After a nice dinner the two were on the huge king sized bed, Sam had changed it when she knew Janet was coming with her as the two women had laid together before and it always drove Carter's fantasies up another notch. As the movie finished she rolled over tiredly and looked up at her best friend who had insisted she lay in her lap and had been playing with her hair for half the movie, "You know I love it when you do that Janet" she said softly and a sultry sounding voice with a smile. 

"You give so much to me just by being around you know? I don't think I even deserve half the good you give me." 

"You deserve what I give you and more Sam. And you give me just as much," Janet said before getting Sam to sit up. When Sam gave her a sad look at the loss of contact Janet explained she was just going to the restroom and would return. 

Now that the movie was over both were ready for bed and turned in as Sam had a lecture in the morning to make. Sleep can for both filled with the warmest desires for each other. 

In the morning they woke and once again Sam did the ordering while Janet took a shower. When she exited the bathroom she made her way to say wearing nothing but the clothed robe. 

"You take really good care of me, you know that," she said as she placed her hand on Sam's cheek then kissed the other one. But it didn't stop there, Janet lost the control she had and moved another step forward closer to Sam so that there bodies were now touching and kissed her on the mouth. 

~OH Man....That was...that was~ Sam's mind screamed that it was her fantasy, what she wanted but it was just too much to hope for and stepped back quickly trying to downplay what had happened, it hadn't really happened anyway because if it had it would make her too happy to even think about. "Uh I ordered up what you recommended Janet, we should eat though and then I have to get going. Traffic will be murder today." 

But at the same time her tongue played with the inside of her lips and she felt a common wetness beginning between her legs whenever she was around the woman and the thought that she had actually, that there was a chance made her even hotter. 

Janet nodded not showing her disappointment in her expression. After all if Sam didn't feel the same way for her and didn't want to try a relationship who was she to force the issue. She moved to the table and took a seat, "Thanks." 

Janet grabbed for a piece of toast as she ate and her fingers brushed against Sam's. Instinctively she pulled them back like she had burnt them. Breakfast was now finished and Janet asked, "I'm going to finish getting dressed unless you need the bathroom?" 

"No, no that's fine" Sam said rising and went to get her laptop, coat and purse. If she stayed any longer her mind was going to convince her that what hadn't happened anyway and she'd have her friend on the bed with her panties around her ankles as she ravished her passionately. 

Color rose in the woman's cheeks, to anyone else they would think she was sick but she nodded, "I'll...I'll call you after my lectures are done. Try to take it easy today Janet. Call if you need anything all right?" 

Janet just nodded and hurried into the bathroom ashamed at making a move on her best friend. She just couldn't take the rejection Sam had given her. She shut the door behind her and locked it. 

Carter quickly left but stopped at the elevator, her mind playing over what happened and then headed back. She entered the room and didn't find Janet there right away. ~She must still be in the bathroom. It's probably okay anyway, I just have to remind myself she's my best friend, not my lover though I wish it was different~ she thought and then left as she had come, quietly. 

Janet continued to dress and tears streamed down her cheeks the whole while berating herself about what she did. She never heard Sam enter and leave again and after calming her nerves she went about packing her things. 

She called for a taxi and one was due to arrive in about twenty minutes. So with nothing else to do she began to write Sam a not apologizing for her actions though inexcusable she hoped that Sam would eventually forgive her and that this wouldn't damage their friendship too much. Once finished she moved to place the letter upon the pillows on the bed then grabbed her things heading out. 

She was dropped off at the airport and was able to catch a quick flight back to Colorado. 

 

Flashback To Prophecy 

 

Infirmary

Sam Carter knew no better doctor, no better friend or family than Doctor Janet Fraiser but as she watched her tend to her the many times over the years she was struck with how much she hated to be the patient. It wasn't that she didn't like Janet's company; far from it truthfully but she didn't like being told she had limitations; it made her feel less superior somehow. 

Sitting up in the Infirmary bed after her 'brush with death in Jonas's real life vision Major Samantha Carter listened as her best friend hemmed and hawed over her, especially the electrical burn on her shoulder and the little pulseOx monitor on her finger. Shaking her head she leaned her head back, "Janet why can't I go home? Yes I know you're the doctor, yes I know you know my body better than I do but I just want to go home" she insisted. "Besides Jonas needs you, surely you have better things to do than..." 

"Damn it Sam, would you stop fighting me for once? You can't go home because you came very close to dieing," Janet said then removed any harshness from her voice and continued in a softer tone. "Going through something like that is a lot for the body to handle. And I want you somewhere where I can keep an eye on you. To make sure you're not trying to push yourself to hard to fast." 

Sighing the woman settled back and stared at Janet, she was so over concerned and so caring but this had just been an accident, "It wasn't that bad Janet, you said you only had to shock me once to get me back. It's just a little electrical burn and I can..." 

"Only shock you once," Janet said anger returning into her voice. "So what there is a minimum amount of times I have to shock you to be able to keep you in MY infirmary for observation?" 

"That isn't what I meant" she said in defense and closed her eyes. The frustration over the last few days, worried about her team who were off world, worried about Jonas and the surgery he was fighting Janet on, and so many things were weighing on her mind. 

"If I stay here the nurses will just bug me every ten minutes wanting blood or to check my pulse or shine that light in my eyes or something. I know they are just doing there jobs but..." 

"Fine, I'm not in the mood to argue. You want to leave then leave. I'll make a note in your file that it was against my better judgment," Janet said. 

"Excuse me but I have another patient to go argue with now," she threw out before turning and leaving to Jonas's room. 

But Sam didn't leave, she simply had asked for paper from Abby and written Janet a note and then rolled over in the bed and laid down as her friend wanted her, sleep coming quickly from the fatigue she felt. Apparently something else Janet had been right about. 

Present Time

"You know" Sam said glancing down at Janet whose head was nestled securely in her lap with her hands across her stomach, "You're really enjoying yourself I do believe Janet, it's been too long since we had a chance to talk, spend some time together" she admitted slowly. 

The truth was at that moment at Sam Carter wanted to do was take Janet upstairs right now and ravish her sexually, perhaps even not upstairs but the sofa would do. Her panties were sopping wet just from the presence of the woman, she had an ache inside that had the woman's name on it and nothing was likely to happen to curb it but it didn't stop it being there any less. 

A part of her felt guilty for having thoughts like that about her best friend, the woman was the most important person in her entire universe next to her father, Mark and Cassandra but the truth was that Janet was a very beautiful, intelligent and compassionate late and she'd have to be dead not to be attracted to someone with those qualities and more. 

"Of course I'm enjoying myself. I'm being catered to by a beautiful woman whose presents I enjoy, what's there for me not to like?" Janet asked with a raised eyebrow. 

"Well me too" Sam said smiling down at the woman. "I mean I've got a beautiful woman lying in my lap to cater to so what's not to love right? I'm glad we're friends Janet" she said leaning over and kissed the woman on the forehead tenderly. "Most important person in my life, I hope you know that" she said settling back and started to play with the woman's hair gently. 

Oh how she wished it could be more? She'd damn near lost Janet last year because of what had turned out what a mistake, she felt she had pushed her into reacting with all the attention after a stressful day and it had taken all she could do to convince Janet she still wanted her in her life. 

When Sam leaned down and kissed her forehead Janet let her eyes close and just savored the moment. "You know I'm really glad we're friends. Thinking back over the last few years I can't help be in awe of what we have shared and experienced. Not to mention be thankful because so many times I came close to loosing you," Janet said a little sadly and kept her eyes closed just a little tighter to try to fight the tears. 

"But you didn't and you won't" she promised holding as tightly to her friend as she could. "I'm always there Janet, always will be" Sam promised and kissed her forehead again. 

 

Flashback To Lifeboat 

 

Infirmary

Standing in the corner with her arms crossed Samantha Carter watched as her best friend tended another good friend of hers, Doctor Daniel Jackson. They had returned earlier from the alien spacecraft where Daniel had to undergo an alien procedure in order to stop having to be what amounted to a lifeboat for a lot of alien personalities. Add to that she had watched her friend try to understand what was going on; no one but medical staff had been allowed access to Daniel before this on Janet's orders so that meant that the small woman was the one that had to deal with him and according to reports he had some rather interesting personalities. 

It was nighttime in the Infirmary and the lights were down so she wasn't at all surprised when Janet had started to move past her without even stopping but she reached out and grabbed her arm pulling her into a hug, over the last few weeks they had settled back into the friendly affections deciding that what happened in the hotel last year was just a mistake as much as she wished it wasn't true, "Isn't it about time you crashed Janet? You look beat and I know you've been pushing with Daniel." 

Janet allowed Sam to pull her into a hug. She stood there lavishing in the warmth and affection that Sam was willing to give her. Since it was a mutual decision to forget about the incident last year Janet made an effort to just accept anything Sam was willing to give her. 

"Mmm, can't sleep just yet," she said as she started to move away from Sam only to stager a little and reach for the wall to use as support. 

Quickly Carter grabbed her hand and steadied her, "Janet you are out on your feet. Daniel is fine; he's sleeping over there. Let me take you home" she said softly. 

"I'll even make you an egg salad sandwich when I get there, cup of tea and tuck you under the blankets. Cassie is staying with Jennifer so you can sleep late tomorrow. Please" she asked. 

Janet just dropped her head forward resting her forehead on the cool wall in front of her. Not really in the mood to fight Janet decided to allow Sam to help. "Not hungry but I will sleep a little." 

"Perfect, thank you" Carter said and then scooped up Janet in her arms. "We'll take your car, your stuff is already in my bag in the car because I knew you'd agree. ABBY" she hollered over to Janet's nurse, "I'm taking Doctor Fraiser home, call if something happens with Doctor Jackson only." 

"Yes ma'am" the nurse said with a smile. "Night Doctor, see you later ma'am." 

Janet shook her head at her friends' antics. "I feel like I can't trust nobody. Everyone is ganging up on me," she said jokingly. 

Then before leaving the infirmary, 'I'll see you tomorrow Abby. Thanks." 

"We are" Sam confirmed carrying her friend toward the door and out. "I consider it saving Colonel O'Neil's ass, he and I are going out on a training mission in a couple days and truthfully I'm not trusting my ass going off base unless you are rested, fed and awake enough to take care of me when I get back so it's self preservation" she said proudly entering the elevator as someone held it for her and she nodded. 

Pressing level one carefully while holding her friend she settled her weight more and leaned forward to kiss her cheek, "Just rest Janet, I'll have you home and in bed soon. Promise" she said smiling broadly with those big blue eyes. 

 

Flashback To Grace 

 

Infirmary

As she lay in the Infirmary after being rescued from the Prometheus Sam Carter had to admit there was nothing more frightening than thinking you were loosing your mind. Oh in the end she knew that she hadn't but truthfully the fact was for a long time; what felt like weeks though it was only days had felt like she was loosing that and more. She'd had conversations with her team; her father, with a little girl called Grace that she still couldn't scientifically explain who she was. She had no clear memory before waking up in the Infirmary only a few hours ago with Colonel O'Neil watching her and then talking about cake, she knew she had gotten the ship's crew back and then went to the on board Infirmary but after that nothing. 

Janet had told her that was common with a severe concussion and that so was nausea and headaches until they had gotten in under control but truthfully that didn't do much to dissuade her fears. The one thing Sam had always had was her mind; no matter what had happened she could count on that and in this situation at least at first she hadn't been able to count on that and it terrified her. 

At some point she had drifted off and then felt someone holding her wrist and then her hand but instead of finding comfort she was sure it was another hallucination and immediately her eyes opened, she sat forward and was ready for battle or confrontation. 

"Hey, hey there," Janet said placing her hands on Sam's shoulders pushing her back down on the bed. "It's alright you're safe now." 

She took and brushed a few stray strands of hair off Sam's forehead then leaned down and kissed it. "I've got you now and I'm not letting go." She reached down a held Sam's hand as she continued to stroke her forehead and hair. 

Letting her eyes settle on her friend, the touch giving so much Samantha relaxed and calmed her breathing, "God it was so awful Janet" she said her voice high with emotion and pain. "There was no one, just me and all I wanted to do was sleep, but the hallucinations..." she paused to swallow hard, her stomach doing a flip-flop. 

"They wouldn't let me, they just kept pestering me over and over again. I was loosing my mind Janet and it terrified me" she said close to tears and holding on the woman's hand like it was the only solid thing in the world. "I...I could still be there, this could just be another image." 

Janet's heart went out to her friend. It hurt her so much to see Sam this way. "I'm sorry you had to go through that but trust me. This is real... I'm real." 

Lifting her head a moment she met the eyes, the eyes she knew so well and smiled very weakly, "I hope so Janet, I really do because I can't...I don't want to live without you. You're too important to me, I need..." she trailed off and cringed the headache pounding in her ears. 

"Shhh, it's OK Sam. Just relax," she gestured to a nurse to bring her something for the pain. "I'm going to give you something for the pain." She continued to run her hands through Sam's hair until the nurse left then she leaned close to her ear. 

"You're important to me too. I couldn't live without you either. I love you." 

"Mmm" the woman mumbled lightly feeling the warmth of not just the medication. "Love you too Janet" she said softly, almost too soft to make out before she was asleep again. 

 

Flashback To Death Knell 

 

Off World

Beaten, tired, hurt, her leg, head and arms throbbing Major Samantha Carter relaxed against her CO as she closed her eyes at Teal'c's assurance that the super soldier was dead. She hurt in so many places, was sure she was going to die but also knowing she couldn't or the Earth's last chance at the Goa'uld would die with her. She'd pushed herself well beyond where she ever had before and was feeling it now though her leg felt like it was numb. She had a vague memory of Colonel O'Neil telling Teal'c to call Fraiser and get her through the gate as he slid his arm over her. 

It wasn't until she felt someone prodding at her leg that she opened her dirty, tired, beaten and bloodshot eyes in pain and ground her teeth together, "AAAH" she hollered for the first time seeing Janet in field gear with a medical kit open at her feet down by her injured leg. She was on the ground; leaned against the boulder that she and the Colonel had been sitting on earlier. "Janet, stop..." she panted laying her head back and cried out again, "That HURTS" she hollered angrily; not at Janet at the injury but Fraiser was the one causing it at the moment. 

"I'm sorry Sam," Janet tried. "I already gave you a local and can't risk giving you more but I need to take a look at your leg and repair the damage. Please," Janet pleaded momentarily stopping what she was doing. 

The woman was bloody and sore and barely heard the hollered medical staff that was following Janet's orders for IV's, meds and more. Through it all she found the eyes, the blood caked on her face with the grime and she laid her head back, "Just do it" she said exhausted knowing she was going to scream. 

Janet turned to the rest of SG-1. "I want you guys to make yourself useful. I don't want you here." 

She turned back looking at Sam and the pain she as in then looked around for something like a stick but had no luck so instead she tore off a piece of her clean uniform and tied a knot in the middle of it. Moving up to Sam's head she began to wash away the dried blood and dirt. 

"OK Sam I need you to focus on me now," Janet tried until she got Sam to look at her. "I'm going to give you this. There is a knot in the middle and I want you to bite down on it when the pain get unbearable and I know it will. I'll try to be a quick as possible." Janet waited for some sign that Sam understood what she was saying. 

Focusing on her friend Sam could barely make out anything minus the woman and her words, she didn't hear them all but in some part of her mind she trusted the woman; it was all she knew and slowly raised her uninjured arm or maybe less injured and took it, "Yeah" was the only word she said, she wasn't going to be conscious much longer that was for sure. 

Knowing the condition her friend was in Janet hoped she would loose consciousness even though it wasn't a good idea, but at least then the pain wouldn't bother her too much. 

Moving back down to her leg Janet started to clean the wound and examine it. It wasn't broken but there was a nice gash and some other damage, she'd would have to put stitches in. 

She prepped the needle and began to suture up the leg. By the time she was done it had taken seventeen stitches and Sam was passed out. She began to access the rest of the damage and being nothing was too vital transportation was the next step. A hand gurney was brought over and with the help of Teal'c and the Colonel, Sam was now on the gurney and it was those two who carried her back through the gate. All the time Janet had not left her side, stayed by holding her hand. 

 

Flashback To Heroes 

 

Fraiser Residence

Sitting on the sofa after having stayed for over two weeks on base with Cassandra and Janet; who was recovering from her death defying close call on PX3-666. It still amazed Sam that the woman had survived; it was almost too much to think about. Fraiser had been DOA in the gateroom but through the dedication of her team and the rest of SG-1 who literally refused to give up they had gotten her back. Not until that moment did Sam realize how important the woman was to her and didn't give a damn who knew it; she had said right then and there the minute Janet was awake she was going to tell her she loved her and if it cost her the career she had spent her life working for then that's what it would do but she wasn't going to live another day without the woman she loved if she could help it; no matter what anyone thought. 

Feeling the small woman shifting in her arms with her head rested back against Carter's chest she raised her hand and brushed it through Janet's hair gently, "Shhh...it's ok Janet; I'm right here" she promised shifting a little more down so the woman could get comfortable. 

Deep in her dream Janet found herself reliving the moments on PX3-666. 

"No Wells, you're going to be fine. I'm not letting you die. You have a baby on the way right?" Janet tried then turned to Daniel. "Talk to him, get him focused and keep him conscious." 

Janet had taking the IV out of her bag and inserted the needle into Wells' arm. Things were looking good then there was a bright flash and then blackness. The last thing she remembered was a burning sensation and screaming. 

Janet didn't know she was dreaming or that the pain was the after effects but she screamed at the top of her lungs anyway. 

~Thank God I sent Cassie to the Colonel's~ Sam thought and sat forward and gathered Janet into her arms, the tears falling evenly and rubbed her back, "Janet...Janet it's Sam. You're ok...You're fine and Wells is fine. Come on, you know it...Wake up Janet, wake up" she said squeezing her as tightly to her body as she could. 

"I've got you Janet, I love you and I'm not loosing you now. I'm here." 

Janet was awakened by the soft assuring voice and pain, immense pain. Though clenched teeth she managed to get out, "It hurts, really hurts, can't breath." And then the tears started to fall with the pain becoming too much for her to handle. 

Releasing her Sam stood up and gathered her into her arms, her own pain and tears forgotten. "Warner said it might, we'll go upstairs get you in a bath and give you another of the pain pills. I've got you, just talk to me Janet...Ok," she pleaded moving without thinking. 

"Focus on me, talk to me about oh anything. How about Cassie? Talk to me about her ok?" 

"Cassie," Janet squeaked out. Then almost panicky, "Where's Cassie? Did something happen to Cassie?" 

All Janet could remember is that she was attending to a fallen soldier and then had been hit herself but she couldn't remember if it was on home soil or not. 

"She's fine Janet, staying the night at the Colonel's. You can call her anytime" Carter promised gently and then remembered the bandages. "I forgot about your bandages, we can't get them wet but I'll give you a sponge bath" she promised coming into the master bedroom and carefully sat her friend on the edge of the bed. She had to tell her. 

"I'm going to get you your medicine and then I'll get the sponge bath ready all right? You just stay here, keep talking to me," she ordered heading toward the bathroom. 

"Sam," she called. "Don't go," she pleaded. "Stay with me. I don't want to be alone anymore." 

Grabbing the pill bottle off the counter she raced back into the bedroom and sat on the side of the bed putting her hand on Janet's knee gently, "Ok Janet, I'm here. I won't go anywhere, I promise but you need to take one of this. They'll help the pain," she said popping the lid. 

Carefully she poured some water from the carafe on the nightstand and handed it and the pill to her friend and smiled, "Come on, all the way down like a good girl Janet and then we'll talk, about anything you want." 

Janet nodded and took the offered pills. "Just hold me Sam," she requested. 

Taking the water Sam sat it down and then kicked off her shoes and climbed in bed, scooting over close and pulled her friend to her tenderly wrapping her arms around her and holding her. "Just relax Janet, I've got you," she promised. "Just close your eyes, rest. I'm right here, I'll protect you" she said and thought about how she would do it but how she wanted so much to tell Janet the truth had planned on it but she couldn't now. The woman was so vulnerable and she didn't need this on top of everything else. 

Janet cuddled more into Sam." Talk to me or tell me a story. Maybe sing," Janet requested. "Something, I just want to here your beautiful voice." 

Thinking for a moment Carter held the woman and shifted down so Janet was lying with her head tenderly on her shoulder and she held her. Softly she started to sing, she'd never done that for anyone but Cassie and Janet had overheard her a few times. 

Slowly she heard the woman beside her settle into a slow rhythm of breathing and knew she was asleep but instead she kept singing about the love the song felt and Janet would know one day that Sam felt that love and more for her. 

Present Time

Running a hand through Janet Fraiser's hair Samantha Carter saw maple eyes staring up at her and she smiled, she'd tried to tell her after what had happened on the planet and Janet had been so near death and she was still on light duties for another week or so according to Warner; it was why they could leave in the middle of the day but as Sam's eyes locked on hers she knew that she had to say it or it would kill her. 

God forbid if another situation like PX3-666 happened again but she needed, wanted Janet to understand how she felt, "Janet there's something I need to tell you, I've been meaning to for a while now but ...well just never had the courage" she said turning her head slightly embarrassed. 

"You see" she said feeling the woman sitting up and looking at her, "I love you Janet" she spluttered out and turned to face her, tears in her eyes evident. "Not as just a friend or as my doctor and family but more. I can't stop thinking about you; my dreams are filled with you. When..." she paused to catch her breath. 

"When you were DOA in the gateroom I thought I'd die right along with you, I had never told you how I felt. It was like someone had ripped out my heart and soul and I...just well I can't live with the thought that something will happen and I hadn't told you. I understand" she continued quickly, "If you never want to see me again, I can transfer out of the SGC, we can make formal arrangements about my seeing Cassie and...." 

Tears ran down her face and she heard the words 'I love you' Janet stopped her friends babbling the only way she could. She leaned forward and captured those enticing lips with her own. With this kiss she tried to convey all that she felt towards this woman. 

Not taking time to understand it, Sam Carter was confused. Here she thought that she had just alienated and lost her best friend in the whole world and yet she seemed to be encouraging her by the kiss. The woman tasted wonderful. 

Carefully she brought one hand up behind Janet to her back and pressed her forward into her gently while at the same time using her own tongue to part the woman's lips and tilted her head forward to kiss her more fully at this point. 

She was on fire, she wanted nothing more than to feel Janet's passion over her body again and again and share hers with the other woman, her lover just as fully to drive them both to the most spine tingling and heart stopping orgasms of their lives. 

Janet was aware of Sam finally returning her kiss and as Sam pressed them closer together Janet moved so now instead of sitting next to Sam she was straddling the other woman's legs. All the while doing this and not breaking the kiss. 

Janet allowed her hands to roam and started to un-tuck Sam's shirt from the waistband of her jeans. 

"Mmm...." Carter said moving slightly holding the woman now tightly on her legs but finally had to break the lip lock to breath as Janet got her shirt free. 

"Oh...Oh God Janet..." she said kissing her neck tenderly holding her covered ass firmly in her hands, "Is this...Oh if I'm dreaming...I...Never want to wake up" she panted in passion with the woman. "I love you so much" she said kissing behind her ear and then down her neck tenderly. 

"I love you too Sam. I have for a long time," Janet panted finally succeeding in pulling Sam's shirt completely off. 

She lowered her head and started to kiss and suck on Sam's pulse point on her neck enjoy the sensations she felt as Sam shivered beneath her and what she felt as she let her hands roam over Sam's taught stomach. 

Letting passion drive them they were soon together in the biblical sense, Sam had already had two orgasms and Janet was on the verge of her second as the woman on top of her was licking her between her legs, slurping up every last ounce of the beautiful woman she could. As she heard her lover screaming for more and more Sam slowly raised her one hand to start fondling Janet's breasts gentle and then firmly, pinching them as she felt the passion increase. 

Running her tongue over the woman's clit one last time she pulled back enough to slide two cum soaked fingers into her lover, "Oh...Janet...God" she said pushing in and out harder and harder, "You're so tight, so beautiful" she panted dipping her head back down to lick her lover as she fucked her with her fingers over and over again. 

Completely submerged in the intense feelings Sam was creating in her. Janet gently tugged on blonde tresses and Sam entered her with two fingers. "Get up here," she said. "I want to taste you as I cum." 

Sam moved slowly up her body so they could kiss and the will her hands still working their magic. 

After her lover's latest orgasms Sam Carter gently tickled the inside of Janet's vaginal love hole and slid her fingers out resting her head on the woman's thigh as both were exhausted. It was like nothing the woman had felt before; all her fantasies hadn't even been close to how wonderful it was. Janet was so loving, so patient, passionate, compassionate, caring, sensual and oh so many more things. 

Sliding one hand up she covered the woman's stomach gently, "You...you were fantastic Janet" she panted. 

Between breaths Janet finally managed to get out, "Well you weren't so bad yourself Sam. Wish we had told each other about our feelings sooner. Just think of what we had been missing." As Janet let the last few moments come to the front of her mind a graceful smile appeared on her lips. 

Raising her head to smile tiredly the woman nodded but a wide grin came on her face, "We'll just have to make up for lost time. How about round two in the bedroom though or the bath?" 

"The bedroom then the bath," Janet responded as she helped Sam off the couch and lead her up the stairs to her room. No it's was their room now. As they enter Janet once again captured Sam's mouth with her own then lowered Sam onto the bed. 

As Sam moved herself to completely lay on the cushioned mattress Janet started to crawl up her body kissing the salty skin of her new lover as she went. 

As she reached Sam's head she started another kiss only to take the blonde by surprise and she inserted her tongue at the same time her fingers find their own destination. As Sam cried out in pleasure her moans were swallowed by Janet as she continued to passionately kiss her.


End file.
